In the winner's corner: Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer dominated the tabloids this week, with most publications declaring them the hot new couple. There's not much to be negative about, except for the fact that any relationship involving Jen is doomed to fail.
In the loser's corner: Jessica and Ashlee Simpson are competing to see who can make it to the altar first, because isn't that what romance is all about? We can't decide who's the bigger loser in this situation — the Simpsons or their poor significant others.
Also this week: Britney continues to get her act together, Lindsay gets mixed reviews and Angelina is possibly getting married. But don't hold your breath. CONTINUED »
We're switching things up a bit this week: Instead of simply summing up the tabloids, we're presenting the week's winners and losers in the eyes of the magazines. Which publications favor which celebrities? And does the relationship change from week to week?
This time around, Britney seems to have won back the love of the tabs, because not a single bad story was written about her. The mags are split on Lindsay — some say she's in a happy and stable lesbian relationship; others declare that she is off the wagon (again).
And congrats are in order to the biggest loser of the week, Jessica Simpson, who is apparently pathetic and in danger of losing boyfriend Tony Romo. When even the tabloids are pitying you, you know there's a problem. CONTINUED »
Another slow week in Hollywood has resulted in covers featuring the tabloids' dependable standbys: Britney, Angelina and the Cruise family. Mariah also joins the list of covergirls to flaunt her "new" body — which she has had off and on for her entire life.
There's also the coverage of the Ashlee Simpson maybe-pregnancy, but big sister Jessica gets most of the attention. She must have pissed off all the magazine editors this week, because she is called out for not only being jealous of her sister's happiness but also for drinking heavily. Yikes.
Also this week: Paris wants to get married, Miley Cyrus wants to become an author and Heidi Montag wants butt implants. We're keeping our fingers crossed none of that works out. CONTINUED »
Judging from this week's tabloid covers, it was an uneventful week in Hollywood, besides the fact that Jay-Z and Beyonce got married in an anticlimactic top secret ceremony. Luckily, for all five of you who care, Us Weekly has the mundane details.
Britney only made one cover this week, which must mean her road to recovery has been going smoothly over the last seven days. But not so fast! In Touch swears the trainwreck is having a relapse, complete with bloody scalps and bald spots. Yum.
Also this week: Us finds yet another angle to the presidential race, some stars lost baby weight and Kim Kardashian continues to whore out her "exclusives" for the spotlight. CONTINUED »
The tabloids had a good variety of stories this week, with one Angelina and three Britney covers. Life & Style was the only magazine to get desperate with the typical "celebrities starve themselves to get skinny" cover story. Trailblazers, those L&S staffers.
There is, as usual, a plethora of Spears family stories covering Brit's mental illness and Jamie Lynn's upcoming wedding. It's nothing we didn't already know — except for Star's made-up story about Britney and Kevin rekindling their romance. That was very creative.
Also this week: Lindsay realizes she looks old, Perez Hilton needs attention and Jason Wahler stars in yet another reality show. Count us out. CONTINUED »
You know who else is a tabloid winner this week? Brit's ex, Kevin Federline. The father of the year shows up in practically every mag this week due to his 30th birthday disaster and a special "Look, I'm a good guy!" exclusive.
Also this week: Heidi continues her Us Weekly "exclusive" reign, Katie' eating disorder finally catches up to her and OK! tries to be like Life & Style. Don't ask us why. CONTINUED »
The Hills is returning next Monday, and the tabloids all got in on the reality show gossip this week — Lauren pulls a Heidi and gives Us Weekly an exclusive interview about how she was betrayed and Audrina whores herself out to two magazines, insisting she doesn't want a boyfriend and trying to get her own clothing line.
Life & Style continues to creep us out with their Baby Suri obsession. We're just waiting for an arrest to be made — or for an L&S staffer to appear on Dateline's To Catch a Predator.
Also this week: Jen scores two covers, Brangelina's clan is becoming the Brady Bunch and Adnan sends annoying text messages. Sounds fun, right? CONTINUED »
The tabloids were desperate this week, resorting to Brangelina lies and "Stars Without Makeup!" cover stories. Somehow, Ashlee Simpson's nosejob became relevant again, earning her the front page of Us Weekly. Congrats?
Everyone is still grasping at straws when it comes to Britney — this time she's about to declare bankruptcy and she hates her new life. Not outrageous enough, if you ask us.
Also this week: Lindsay makes excuses, Matthew McConaughey is gross and Heidi Montag gives an exclusive Lauren-bashing. Actually, none of that is particularly new. CONTINUED »
It's been a slow news week for Hollywood, which means Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are back to gracing the cover of Us Weekly and Brangelina are having problems again. It's the same song and dance, really. CONTINUED »
We'll admit it: We miss Crazy Britney. Not that we don't want her to get better and have a huge comeback — we do. But this in-between stage is really boring, and we're not sure how to handle it. The tabloids are obviously feeling our pain, as they choose to either ignore her or report ridiculously over-the-top stories about how she's carrying a paparazzi fetus. Go easy on the mags; they're still learning how to cope.
In other news, babies are everywhere — from Brit and Brangelina to Kate Hudson and Katie Holmes. And, as you may have heard, J.Lo delivered her twins recently. As you can imagine, she was a complete sweetheart during the delivery process.
Also this week: Speidi keeps popping up, Kirsten sets a rehab deadline and Barack tries to snag the highly-coveted tabloid vote. CONTINUED »
Thanks to Jamie Spears finally controlling his daughter, the tabloids are fairly boring this week. And speaking of Brit, nobody can decide whether she's happy and getting her life back or she's living the life of a prisoner. We don't really care, as long as she isn't around any children — oh, she's teaching dance classes to kids? Fabulous.
Little sister Jamie Lynn is trying to keep up with Brit, this time whoring herself around and involving Lil' Romeo in a baby-daddy whodunnit. Pretty good, JL, but are you making your babies cry?
Also this week: Jessica plans to make her Dallas Cowboys curse permanent with marriage plans, Suri has a traumatic no-fast food upbringing and some idiots are paying $1,000 to inject botox in their armpits. Sign us up! CONTINUED »
The tabloids are finally getting over Heath Ledger's death, and it's about time, because at this point they're just grasping at straws. Most of the magazines have reverted back to their old habits: covering Brangelina. We want to stab our eyes out every time we are forced to read a "Jen's jealous!" cover story.
Perhaps Britney's stint at the psych ward did some good, because she managed to only land two covers this week. Of course, she brought enough crazy for all five magazines with her declarations of marriage and the fact that she really doesn't want her kids back. Good for her kids.
And famewhores Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are at it again, giving two completely different stories to both Us Weekly and Life & Style. Could it be they're not being honest with someone? Could it be they've never been honest in their lives? We don't care that much anymore, but obviously the tabs do. CONTINUED »
Britney's locked away in the psych ward this week, but that doesn't mean she's disappeared. She ends up in every single magazine with the exact same story: Brit's crazy. We didn't need to pay $3.99 to figure that out.
Mary-Kate Olsen is experiencing the Heath Ledger backlash, with Star going so far as to devote a four-page spread on how she and her twin sister are awful midgets. Or something like that.
And Life & Style continues on its solo mission to kidnap Baby Shiloh. This week, the mag reported that Shiloh has a stalker. It forgot to mention that said stalker is in fact Life & Style. CONTINUED »
Because the tabs missed Heath Ledger's death last week, this week we are treated to multiple angles of the actor's life: He was an awful person! He was a great person! He was addicted to drugs! He tried to get help! TMZ wore us out with this last week. Let's move on.
The biggest news, of course, is Angelina's pregnancy. You know what this means: Expect a bombardment of Brangelina covers for the next nine months.
In other news, Lynne Spears tries to act like a mother, Heidi claims to be religious and Miley Cyrus is the next Britney. God help us all. CONTINUED »
Heath Ledger had the audacity to die right after the tabloids closed this week's issues. Talk about rude. But some other actor died recently, and some of the magazines decided he was worth a mention. Janice Min even went so far as to dig up some background info on this "Brad Renfro" character.
In place of actual news, we get the usual: Britney continues to be crazy, Scientology continues to be creepy and Jessica Simpson continues her romantic losing streak.
Jamie Lynn is also back in the spotlight this week, and Star and Life & Style managed to create the exact same cover featuring Brit's little sister. Coincidence? Intern Whitney thinks not. CONTINUED »
Congrats to Lynne Spears! This week, her daughters had a monopoly on all the covers — Jamie Lynn still has some work to do, however, because she only appeared on one compared to Britney's four. It seems the crazy trumps teen pregnancy every time.
Besides the onslaught of Britney drama, there's lots of Hills gossip and Hollywood stars who still refuse to come out of the closet. What more could you ask for? Exclusives with Tara Reid and Amy Winehouse? OK! has you covered!
So let's travel to a world where suicide threats and kidnapping are the norm, and Britney seems to have hit rock bottom. But for some reason, Intern Whitney still isn't so sure. CONTINUED »
Vacation's over, but the tabs have yet to recover from their holiday hangovers. It's a sad day when pictures of Katherine Heigl's wedding excite us.
With all the celebrity diet "exclusives," Intern Whitney was happy to see Brangelina on the cover of Life & Style. The mag takes their stalking abilities to the next level, monitoring their family's daily habits with a time chart. Ground breaking work, for sure.
Star has resorted to more ugly pictures of celebrities to make you feel better about yourself, and the mag also teases us with the idea of a Britney and Jamie Lynn crazy house! We'd go. Other great ideas: Making Mischa Barton the godmother of your child, finding love via public restrooms and proposing to a Kardashian. What a week. CONTINUED »
Christmas came early for OK! when the magazine landed Jamie Lynn Spears pregger-gate. Britney isn't the only Spears with baby drama. As OK! reports, Brit's younger sister is three months along, and is keeping it, which makes sense because if Jamie Lynn were getting a hasty abortion, her doctor would have the exclusive. CONTINUED »
This week, In Touch continues its tireless crusade to prove that Britney is pregnant, and those fake text messages from supposed father J.R. Rotem were real! Aw, we think it's cute that the staffers still think this is legit. Let's not spoil it for them by throwing around nasty words like "libel" and "malicious intent."
Meanwhile, Us Weekly gave up on any big news this week, opting instead to remind us of why we hated 2007. OK! took a different (albeit equally as lame) route, featuring the uninteresting Rachael Ray on its cover. But the big news of the week? Brad Pitt and Katie Holmes share the same Dec. 18 birthday! It's almost like everyone just threw in the towel.
Also funny: Every bodega owner within a five-block radius of our office seems to think Life & Style has ceased to exist. Intern Whitney was told by two or three separate magazine peddlers that Life & Style was "done for" this week, despite the fact that everyone else in the world seemingly got their grubby little paws on a copy.
Britney still might be pregnant this week, but most of the tabs aren't buying it. In Touch, meanwhile, is stubbornly sticking with their story/future libel suit. This week, the mag runs already-seen pictures of the texts from supposed-father J.R. Rotem, so it must be true! In other ridiculous news, Jennifer Aniston has been invited to spend Christmas with Brad's parents! We can't imagine why she would turn that goldmine down.
And true love takes another tough blow this week as Lindsay Lohan and her rehab boyfriend finally call it quits. But there is still hope! Just ask Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo — they managed to score two big stories this week, despite the general public still having absolutely no idea who they are.
And in news-that's-not-really-news: Britney has a shady friend, Hollywood women get plastic surgery and Anderson Cooper is still in the closet. Join Intern Whitney for a loving look at this week's tabloid goodness, including the Us Weekly cover story that some say has Wenner lawyering up.
Editorial Director
