• We would so throw bottles at Brendan Urie too. Especially if it would wash off that stupid fucking eye-liner. [NME]

• So, who actually runs Beyonce's life? Because it's not Beyonce. [AOL]

• Mariah Carey claims not to be a diva, then demands Fiji water. From the top of Mt. Fiji. [Liz Smith]

• Dang! And we were so excited about buying those Taylor Hicks "the early years" songs on iTunes. [AP]

• Paul McCartney could care less about Heather Mills. The same now applies to minefields. [NYDN]

• Really? We’d have thought that Jennifer Lopez would have been able to play an alcoholic psycopath pretty well. [E!]

• Man, if we studied Tupac Shakur in high school, we’d have so gone to class more often. [Much Music]

• Just think, Usher buys condoms in the wee hours of the morning at Duane Reade. Just like us! Er … just like you! [Page Six]

• What’s just as annoying as stepping in dog shit and hangovers? Why, James Blunt of course. [AOL]

• The funny thing is, we’d much rather read Taylor Hicks’ memoirs than anything Ann Coulter spews. [UPI]

• In a classic example of waning white superstars helping each other out, Michael Jackson asks Eminem for a collabo. [Hip Hop Game]

• Speaking of Jacko, it must've been hard not to laugh while listening to his frantic phone messages. [AP]

• Pink's turning her attention to becoming a horror movie actress. That is, she'll be stepping onto a movie set instead of a sidewalk to scare crowds. [MuchMusic]

• Taylor Hicks is a simple man to please. [AP]

• There's nothing like near-incarceration in a scary, foreign country to jumpstart your celebrity profile. [NYT]

People announced its "Hottest Bachelors of 2006" today. All we have to say is, Taylor Hicks? Really? A senior editor of People even had to go on the Today show to try and explain this one.

"He's in the right place at the right time," she said. Which helps when meeting someone, or getting a job, but doesn't really explain why People thinks he's sexy.

Well, then again, three of the bachelors, including J.C. Chavez, went on Today to try to find a date … something hot swingin' bachelors usually don't have to do. Y'know, because they're hot.

We can totally agree with Jake Gyllenhaal, Adrien Grenier, Owen Wilson … even Josh Lucas. But come on, People. Do you really have to rub it in our face that all the real hotties (Jason Lewis, Heath Ledger, Brad Pitt) are already taken?

Hottest Bachelors 2006 [People]

And in other "no shit, he's contractually obligated" news, Kevin Paves remains by Jessica Simpson's side.

Taylor Hicks Inks Record Deal [People]

• Christina Aguilera has landed the role of a lifetime in her new film. Playing a hooker almost always guarantees an Oscar nom. [Socialite's Life]

• That Beanie Sigel. He just can't catch a break! Damn, it looks not that fun to be a gangsta'. [MTV]

• At this point in time, we sincerely rely on Kanye West to uphold the standards of morally conscious hip hop. [NME]

• Finally, the mystery of Janet Jackson's fat ass has been solved. She gained the weight for a film entitled Tennessee. A film which we can not seem to find anywhere. Interesting. [Jam!]

• Did you know that Taylor Hicks is a music sexist? One favorite female artist, and it's Cyndi Lauper? Psha. [NYDN]

We are a little ashamed to admit this, but … we did not watch American Idol last night. Truthfully, we only like AI in the beginning, when all those awful people who think they can sing try out. Still, we have to mention, since its the biggest craze since hula hooping, that Taylor Hicks won last night's competition.

On Good Morning America this morning, Diane Sawyer jabbed at Charlie Gibson by saying "Charlie is Taylor Hicks' hair inspiration" and she quoted Ryan Seacrest's profound realization that launced a movie starring Hugh Grant and Mandy Moore:

Announcing the results, Ryan Seacrest noted that "an astounding 63.4 million votes" were cast, "more than any President in this country has ever received."

That's pretty obvious. But, after reading this, we really regretted not watching.

But the biggest show-stoppers were Clay Aiken, who debuted a jaw-dropping new hipster hairdo, and Prince, who performed two songs solo before an ecstatic audience.

Hipster hair? Oh, man. That would've been hilarious. Well, we were watching Lost, so we're pretty sure you can forgive us. But ABC convinced us to watch GMA today instead of Today because Jennifer Aniston was going to be on.

And because she is our idol (meaning she's our third favorite celebrity to try and make cry*) we'll be back with an update on her sure to be gut wrenching interview. Well, at least we know she'll look a bit more alive than Lindsay Lohan did during her pathetic appearance on that other show.

Taylor Hicks Wins American Idol [People]

• Just in time for the release of his new movie's release, The Game gets popped for weapons charges. [HipHopGame]

• Our deepest fears about pop stars have been confirmed: they all secretly love country music. [MSNBC]

• You can breathe a sigh of relief folks — Elton John is not a huge dick. He'll just sue your ass for saying he is … and it will hurt. [AP]

• Tonight's the night that Taylor Hicks is announced as the country's next American Idol. Or we guess maybe the other girl will win … she did get that nice Katie Couric plug on the Today show this morning. [NYDN]

• So, we guess this new radio DJ gig means no more Victoria Secret commercials for Bob Dylan? [Jam!]