Even though the 2008 campaign is a total downer, some celebrities have opted not to watch enough Hills to make them forget all about it. And a few even donated money.
Showing how meaningless money is to her, Ivanka Trump donated $1000 to Tom Vilsack before he owned up to the futility of his candidacy and left the race. Ivanka also donated a grand to sure thing candidate Hillary Clinton.
In her donation form, Ivanka described her employment as “self” and “model.” Her description makes sense considering how much she’s spent on herself to maintain her modeling career.
[HuffPo]
These days, it’s easy to get depressed. Women are routinely raped in the Congo, journalists have no morals and people cheat in online scrabble. Good thing Spencer Pratt is here to take our minds off of all that suffering.
In a new interview in Radar, he says,
The bottom line is I'm making people react and ultimately not think about that we are in a war in Iraq and are trying to pick leaders. The Hills is good breath for people. I do not take it a little bit seriously. I'm an entertainer.
Yeah, thinking about who should be our next president is a real downer. Too bad George Bush can’t stay in office forever.
But Spence’s strategy to get people not to think about their leaders will come in handy after his reality TV run ends:
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Everyone’s least favorite reality TV power couple, Spencer and Heidi, tried to prove they have some value outside of being ex-friends with Lauren.
Heidi, an aspiring singer, lip synced her new single in Las Vegas last night. The song is not good, and Spencer’s back up dancing is even worse.
Staying famous for no reason shouldn’t be a problem, but after their Hills payday ends, let’s hope these two have a back up business plan to Heidi’s music career.
• Inappropriately aroused? Just try imagining Mary-Kate Olsen naked. Wearing nothing but jewelry. On a cold day.
• Madonna purchases a dick-in-a-box while her neutered husband looks on sheepishly.
• We're sorry, Maria Menounos, did our pin get in the way of your ass? Do us a favor and lose five pounds IMMEDIATELY or get out of our building, like now! Get out!
• Hills hanger-on Audrina Patridge defends her asshat of a boyfriend Justin Bobby, explaining he "had a hard time" with kissing her on camera. Fortunately, he had less of a hard time ditching her completely, leaving her stranded at Brody Jenner's party and taking off with some other chick straddling his Harley.
• The Daily Mail has trouble discerning whether a tear-stricken Sharon Osbourne is crying over her talentless daughter or her pneumonia-stricken pooch.
• We're not saying Keira Knightley has an eating disorder. We're only kindly requesting that you consider donating some of your spare change to the "Please, For The Love Of God, Buy This Woman A Big Mac" fund.
• Who tops the list of "Celebrity Lesbian Crushes?" (Hint: It's not Penelope Cruz).
• More signs that Britney Spears is no longer the irresistible sex symbol that she once was: creepy magic-man Criss Angel has pretty much done everything short of signing an affidavit and taking a lie detector test to dispel rumors that the two are romantically involved.
• Audrina and Lauren Conrard show off their beach bodies, but it's just not the same without Heidi's new funbags.
• Christian Bale has lady-hands! Either way, he's still infinitely cooler than Christian "Grabby Hands" Slater.
• Remember that time after Lindsay Lohan's second (or third?) DUI arrest, when a tearful Lindsay Lohan assured us that wasn't her coke sticking out of her pants pocket and, come to think of it, those weren't even her pants? Well, apparently some court actually bought it.
• Political consultant Roger Stone is axed by state Senate Republicans for ringing up 83-year old Bernard Spitzer and politely suggesting that his son is a "phony, psycho piece of shit."
• Feeling overworked and underpaid recently? Then, you'll be disgusted to learn that the dumb one from The Hills is banking somewhere between $10K and $20K a week. Even worse? Wounded Iraq vets are pulling in approximately $460. A month.
• When he lived above the CNN center in Atlanta, Ted Turner reportedly used to parade around the newsroom in his special post-coital bathrobe. Sexy time!
• Paris Hilton thinks Sarah Silverman is a heinous bitch. And, for once, we totally agree!
• Also, Paris' less famous (but equally unempoyed!) brother gets mugged near Penn Station while the bouncers from Stereo point at him and laugh.
• Cuba Gooding Jr. saved a guy's life, then sent himself to bed without dinner.
• After a long-term relationship with beer-bellied Vince Vaughn, whoever would have pegged Jennifer Aniston for a modelizer?
• Bruce Willis credits Will Smith with helping him to accept ex-wife Demi Moore's relationship with Ashton Kutcher. In exchange, Willis conveniently agrees to forget about the time a gangly, lean-muscled Smith tried to convince us he was Mohammad Ali.
• In between getting fake engaged and showing off her "straight off the rack" rack, The Hills' Heidi Montag has also found ample time to stalk former bestie Lauren Conrad.
As we write this, we’re looking out the window and salivating over the picture perfect weather outside, currently being wasted on lazy unemployed persons and pretentious NYU students. And so, for your sanity and ours, we’ve decided to kick off a glorious new feature called “Comment of the Day,” to provide a transient glimmer of entertainment for all you working stiffs who would much rather be downing margaritas poolside on the Jersey Shore (while fending off advances from married, guidos named Tony) than slaving away in your cubicles.
Today’s “Comment of the Day” comes to us from TMZ, and it pertains to the pending nuptials of The Hill's resident nobodies, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt.
First, "Jeff is a sexist asshole" makes an excellent point, thereby belying the negative connotation of his self-selected screenname.
And we care about them, because why? How about only reporting on these two when they've fallen into a well or met with some other tragedy. That is the only time I'd be interested in them. –Jeff is a sexist asshole
However, final accolades go to All American Girl, for her candid response.
• The dumb one from The Hills gets breast implants! And no, referring to her surgically enhanced boobs "The Hills" will never stop being hilarious.
• Meanwhile, Paris Hilton's lawyers nix her pre-taped comedy sketch, about "a drunk ditz getting pulled over for a DUI." Prudes!
• Lindsay Lohan makes nice with Hilary Duff. Because she's finally over Aaron Carter. And because it's a "Step 8" thing.
• Barbara Walters is dating an 80 year-old gerontologist. Seriously, how perfect is that?
• Michael Jackson's daughter celebrates her 9th birthday with a shopping spree at FAO Schwarz! While wearing a sinister-looking black mask, of course.
• Halle Berry admits she's an "emotional retard." Which we kinda already knew after she got seriously depressed over David Justice.
• When in Rome, Jessica Simpson has ridiculously loud, hallway-shaking sex. Just like the Romans do!
• Ever seen Kermit the Frog shooting heroin? The correct answer is, of course, "not yet."
• In actual, not-hypothetical news, The Juice takes Ron Goldman's family to court to prevent them from auctioning off the publishing rights to If I Did It. Seriously.
• Fergie admits to having lesbian experiences; refuses to weigh in on Alanis' much more awesome version of "My Humps."
• It's spoiler-time on The HIlls! Does the dumb one move in with her controlling jackass of a boyfriend or what?
• Imprisoned blogger/journalist/martyr Josh Wolf to be released from federal prison after 7.5 months in the slammer.
• The Coop puts himself on the charity auction block, and—unsurprisingly—finds himself sold to a male bidder.
• Here's exactly what your afternoon's been missing—a cheesy, 80's-themed pop video featuring Hugh Grant in too-tight pants.
• Joss Stone dated some producer guy for two years and all they did in the bedroom was hold hands. Seriously.
• Owen Wilson and Kate Hudson (Kate-o? Will-Hud?) are possibly back on, definitely giving bloggers everywhere an opportunity to use the phrase "down under" while snickering.
• More about the crazy, do-whatever-it-takes intern who's making LC and the dumb one look bad on The Hills.
• Turns out Project Runway winner Jeffrey Sebelia is as much of a jerk off-screen as he was on the show.
Now that summer is in full swing, it only means one thing. Well, two things. 1) Our unairconditioned environs are making us delirious, and 2) Reality TV is back! We forced Intern Calista to give up her nights that should be spent frolicking about with college aged folk to lock herself up inside watching college aged folk and adults who act like 19 year olds run around. You can now feel better about yourself knowing that this not your reality … just your reality TV.
We've gotten a little picky concerning what we actually consider funny, and couldn't extrapolate 10 worthy quotes, so six bite will have to hold you down until we get One Ocean Drive. Bon Apetite!
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Well, it's about half way through the summer and The Hills is sailing through its first season with Laguna Beach's Lauren Conrad. And while her Teen Vogue internship is going fabulously — and by "fabulously" we mean "her boss hasn't rung her neck yet." But if there is a season two of The Hills, the show is going to have to find a new home for LC.
Which seems to be a not so simple task. Mostly because it's hard to take somebody seriously who applies for internships through their agent and casting directors.
Teen Vogue editors and producers for the MTV reality series, The Hills, are said to have approached Louis Vuitton—which recently began advertising with the magazine this year—with the idea of having Conrad end the season having scored an internship at the French fashion house’s headquarters in Paris. According to sources, Louis Vuitton wasn’t so keen on the idea and politely declined. An MTV spokeswoman could not be reached for comment. Guess there is reality in television after all.
Then again, the French aren't known for welcoming ditzy Americans with open arms into their elite land of fashion fabulousness. Why doesn't she just try to get an internship in Milan with Cavalli instead?
Lauren A No-Go At Louis Vuitton [Fashion Week Daily]
Until Tabloid Wars and Project Runway premiere, we are forcing Intern Calista to try and extrapilate one funny thing from Hell's Kitchen and How to Get the Guy. A nearly impossible task, indeed. Thank God we have The Hills and The Simple Life to get us through the rest of it.
Though, we would like to think by not repeating anything that comes out of any of these people's mouths, you have a much better chance of finding an internship, a guy, a job, or just a family who doesn't want to kill you for talking dirty to their children. The top five bites are after the jump … read and learn.
10. "I like when people say I'm, like, a nice person and I'm funny and you know, it's not about looks. It's about what's on the inside." - Paris Hilton, The Simple Life: 'Til Death Do Us Part
9. "It's hard too when you're going on so many dates and then you forget, like, who's who and like, 'What's your name?'" -Kris makes us wonder why she's on this show, How to Get the Guy
8. "Hey, I might be an idiot as a person, but I'm a damn good chef." - Sara showing just how dumb she is by opening her mouth, Hell's Kitchen
7. "Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free? Why buy the - what is it?!" - Kathy Hilton shows us how Paris became so mentally challenged…, The Simple Life
6. "I'm actually gonna invite my guy out for a steak, so I can tell him what happened in the 80s… Just to bring him up to date!" - Michelle tells us her secret to never getting a date, How to Get the Guy
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Today, we thought it might be nice to bring you a fun Sunday Styles piece. Y'know, in case you spent yesterday eating plantains and dancing in the streets instead of reading the paper. Llola Ogunnaike spent the day shopping with our new favorite crew, The Hills stars Lauren Conrad and Heidi Montag.
Audience patronizing aside (three paragraphs explaining what Laguna Beach is and reviving rumors of scripted television), the article follows, much in the way the cameras do, LC and Heidi and they browse shoes and jewelry, all while chatting about their lives.
And while the chatter skips over the good parts — as in no mention of Stephen or Jason (did Lola even watch this show?)— the piece does hit up Teen Vogue editor and LC's boss Lisa Love for some insider dish on how LC landed her mag internship after practically failing out of high school and her first college.
"I hadn't seen the show before, so I didn't know what to expect," said Lisa Love, Vogue's West Coast editor, "but she was a very good interview. She knew photographers, she knew magazines, she knew why she wanted to work at Teen Vogue."
Did the presence of cameras help Ms. Conrad? "If I didn't like her, she definitely would not have gotten an internship, regardless of what the cameras wanted," Ms. Love said. "She had to pass the test."
So, if you want to be like LC, it's still possible. Just make sure to read magazines, and have your parents' black AmEx card at your disposal so that you never show up wearing the same thing to the office twice.
Blond Ambition Comes in Flats or Heels [Llola Ogunnaike, New York Times]
Earlier: 'The Hills' is Alive With the Sound of LC Licking Stamps
We have been waiting for this day since the moment LC told Stephen she was moving to Los Angeles. The Hills premiers tonight on MTV, and seriously, we could not be more excited. The end of Laguna Beach left a whole in our hearts, and while Entourage may have done it's part to fill our all things California quota, there has been a major lack of underage surfer boys and pedicures on our television screens.
And if you think that's poetic, listen to the New York Times cream their pants over the "new" LC — now an almost grown-up Teen Vogue intern who comes of age as she leaves her spoiled teen years and enters her spoiled young adult era.
This works well for Lauren, who is actually not so trifling as the others; she was always much more wary and anxious than a pretty teenager should have any cause to be. Her heavily lined eyes appeared more watchful than bright or twinkly, even in the old golden light; now she has the thriller lighting to match her mood.
Lauren's workday, granted, is a charmed one: the series chronicles her experience as an intern at Teen Vogue (which receives heavy promotion here). But sand and surf have given way to steel and glass in her world, and she is earnestly trying to forge a Mary Tyler Moore existence in Los Angeles. (Who knows what Lauren Conrad actually wants? I watch this show as fiction.) She really does have to work, as we see her stamping envelopes and typing on a computer. And put it this way: now she wears a headset when she goes to parties.
The Times is so freakin' right. Pretty girls should never worry about things. And stamping envelopes is about as much effort as they should ever attempt to exert. Before we know it, little LC will be 26, and standing in line to take Alex Kuczynski's job.
'The Hills,' a Follow-Up to 'Laguna Beach,' Makes Its Premiere on MTV [Virginia Heffernan]
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