Why isn't Baird Jones' memorial party being held at Webster Hall, where he was the "art curator" and rumored to have been paid $500 everytime he got Page Six to mention it? Good question. Better question: Why is tomorrow's event being held at The Plumm, a club he tried to have closed and whose owner, Noel Ashman, Jones described as a "crook" whose "middle name is 'fraud'"? Since he couldn't publicly bash The Plumm, as he needed inside access to do his "reporting," Jones privately corresponded with alleged Plumm vandal Ivy Supersonic; the two of them were well aware of Ashman's tendency to stiff the very club promoters responsible for filling his venue with maybe-of-age models. Ashman denies the charge. [NYM]

I AM LEGEND It's not quite a New Year's Eve party, but tonight at The Plumm guests will be treated to a few songs performed by John Legend, who always seems to pop up at The Bloc Group events. Macy Gray – who, this rumor suggests, is still alive – is said to possibly be joining him on stage in between DJ duties with Funk Master Flex. Kanye West and Kirsten Dunst, meanwhile, will glare at you from secluded tables.

It's probably best that Chris Noth didn't invite us to the opening of The Plumm, the snide double-m'ed semi-private club that opens this weekend. (We've got Tribeca parties to go to anyhow, so there.) Last time we ran into Noth, he was blocking the entrance to the bathroom at SoHo House and, after three Ketel One and sodas, we really had to wizz. Unfortch, UrbanDaddy clues us in only on the safety levels on the model dancing-friendly banquettes at Noth's new hideout, but not the ratio of male to female loos or potential obstacles.

The former Nell's space is now an indulgent wood-paneled clubhouse—and for the safety and well-being of bouncing women everywhere, the banquettes have been custom-built with thick, sturdy backrests, covered in a special synthetic fiber to withstand even the most drunken and uncoordinated stiletto movements.

Good thing, because Plumm's celeb-heavy owners know a thing or two about a party—they include Mr. Big himself, Damon Dash, and supermodel Petra Nemcova. Add nightlife mogul Noel Ashman and other oddly matched co-owners like ex-New Kid on the Block Joey McIntyre, and there's really no telling what's going to happen on those banquettes after a few plum-based cocktails.

Chris? Damon? Petra? Noel? Joey? What the fuck is this, Manhattan 10014? Probably will be once Shannen Doherty pops in to announce her comeback.

UrbanDaddy