• Madonna has lots of needs for her upcoming tour, including free tickets for her broke ass celebrity friends. [R&M]

• Paula Abdul wasn't just drunk on American Idol this week, she got some painkillers to boot. We look forward to that particular brand of Paula crazy. [MSNBC]

• The Rolling Stones aren't angry that they are being censored for an upcoming show in China. Nobody can understand what the fuck Mick Jagger is singing under all that huffing anyway. [AP]

• Nigel Lythgoe, executive producer of American Idol, passes Lindsay Lohan's age-old wisdom on to the Idol contestants — breathe. Yay, group tattoo field trip! [MTV]

• The Sufjan Stevens/Rosie Thomas baby was just a prank on Pitchfork Media. Of course a former employer of Nick Sylvester wouldn't bother to fact check their news. [Pitchfork Media]

• No, he didn't say he was a terrorist, he said George Bush was a terrorist. But since our President lacks English language skills, he sent the FBI after Morrissey. [Page Six]

• Strokes guitarist Albert Hammond Jr gets Kate Moss drunk, and whispers sweet nothings in her ear. Somebody should have told him that if he wanted her to take her shirt off, all he had to do was produce a camera . [Mirror]

• The key to the murder of Busta Rhymes' bodyguard is locked in a 53 minute audio tape. Insteady of handing it over to the authorities, though, it is being shopped around media outlets. Blood money at its finest. [Daily Dish]

• Even Maroon 5 agrees that it's sort of pathetic they were nominated for a Grammy three years after the album was released. Oh, well, it got Adam Levine laid. [MTV]

• Pete Doherty has been voted Sexiest Male by NME readers, proving once and for all, the Brits have no taste in men. [NME]

• The Rolling Stones ask nicely, if you donate money to charity and end up with tickets to their benefit show, that you don't sell them for thousands of dollars on Craigslist. So, basically, nobody's going for the tickets. [ProductShopNYC]

• Well, if it was in the Enquirer, it must be true. Plus, after this mornings display of dumb-ass, we wouldn't be shocked if Paris Hilton really did mistake a cab for a toilet. [Female First]

• Katie Couric grabbed herself a crisis manager. So that next time she has a hair out place on the Today Show, someone will be there. [Page Six]

• If these wedding bells don't stop ringing we are going to go Cameron Diaz with a golf club crazy on everyone. [ET]

• From the sell-out world of Laguna Beach to sell-out world of music videos. They grow up so fast. [Just Jared]

• Isn't it sort of an unspoken rule that when you're The Rolling Stones you can do whatever you want? [NYDN]

• As expected, Simon Fuller and Simon Cowell have reached a settlement in their American Idol feud. Cowell will stay on as a judge, Fuller will drop his copyright infringement lawsuit and male teens everywhere will dream of banging Paula Abdul. [NYT]

• The MTA wants toll booth agents to start dusting the stations and emptying trash cans. The employees' union, naturally, would rather the stations remain the chemical waste dumps they are. [NYT]

• It's much more entertaining to be fired when you're drinking Donald Trump's Trump Super Premium Vodka. It's like he's pointing two of his fingers at you and, with goggles on, his hair looks halfway manageable. [Gawker]

• Freddy Ferrer is, somehow, still making headlines. In what we hope will be the last we hear from him, he's blaming biased media reports for his loss and not Michael Bloomberg's gazillions. [NYT]

• We're not sure what focus group greenlighted this idea, but TiVo is moving ahead with plans to offer views wishlists of advertising. [Hollywood Reporter]

• The Rolling Stones have been signed for the Super Bowl's half-time show. Should any of their skin start flaking away from their bones, there will be a five to 10 second delay to divert the cameras. [Variety]

• Aging rockers The Rolling Stones are creating quite the ruckus in San Francisco. Their concerts have been making intolerable amounts of noise, even causing people's floors to shake. One thing SF doesn't need? An earthquake false alarm. [NME]

• Kenny Chesney's new album beat out the Get Rich or Die Tryin' soundtrack for the number one spot on the Billboard charts. Chesney probably hopes that this, his biggest debut to date, will help him make a name that doesn't include the superlative "that dude who was married to Renee Zellweger for a few minutes." [MTV]

• The 2005 Shortlist Music Prize has been canceled. Hipsters everywhere mourn. Everyone else? Didn't even notice. [Pitchfork]

• Sony has decided to recall all it's copy-protected – and virus-welcoming – CDs. Apparently their attempt at protecting "artists' rights" has done nothing except leave the "backdoor open" for Celine Dion fans everywhere. And aren't Celine's fans' backdoors open wide enough? [Billboard]