• Donatella Versace is like putty in your hands.

• Who wears high-waisted short shorts? Mischa Barton wears high-waisted short shorts!

• Cameron Diaz is already training for her next role: Pimple Popper M.D.

• Kristin Cavallari is overhyped, overpriced and overexposed.

• Former Us Weekly reporter/pedophile Tim McDarrah gets sentenced to six years in the clink.

• Meryl Streep to team up with Philip Seymour Hoffman's double-chin for movie adaptation of Doubt.

Can Us Weekly weather another scandal? It's gonna have to, though at least with Timothy McDarrah, the Wenner tabloid can say he's no longer on their payroll. Which is great for Janice & Co., because McDarrah was just convicted in a Manhattan court of soliciting sex with a minor. The 44-year-old former Las Vegas Sun reporter (seen here in April '05 at Paula Froelich's it! book party) was found guilty on charges of trying to get with a 13-year-old, except this little girl was all Dateline: To Catch A Predator and actually just a federal agent posing as a little lass. And you all know how much we hate posers.

McDarrah, of course, was let go from his "Hot Stuff" column duties at Us following his arrest last year. And if only he didn't offer $200 to the FBI agent, he could've been part of Colleen Curtis' welcome wagon! Sad face.

• In Touch falls victim to its own publishing schedule (and failing to make the proper phone calls), publishing a very out-dated two-pager on Renée Zellweger gushing over her "partner, my soul mate," otherwise known as her soon-to-be ex-husband Kenny Chesney.

• David Geffen has already tackled the music and film industries, so why not print? Rumors abound that the mega millionaire is eyeing the Los Angeles Times for a new plaything.

• Embroiled Us Weekly "Hot Stuff" editor Tim McDarrah is out on $50,000 bail, awaiting his Oct. 14 preliminary hearing on charges he tried to bang a 13-year-old girl. It needn't be said, but he's grounded from using the computer and interacting with minor children.

• Judith Miller's got 99 problems, and a bitch ain't one. Her 11 weeks at the Alexandria Detention Center have seen nearly 100 guests come and go, and we don't think any of them were bloggers!

• If the Wall Street Journal would put its frickin' content online, it'd be much easier for people like us to tell you how much it sucked.

• Meanwhile, the New York Times is taking some of its online offerings behind a wall of its own with today's debut of TimesSelect. Now if only they would let us register for a free trial without a credit card we could tell you how much it sucked.

• As Details' publisher Chris Mitchell leaves to pursue a career in stuff we plant our asses in, Vanity Fair associate publisher Paul Jowdy is moving in to the envious position of Dan Peres' masthead mate.

For Timothy McDarrah, it was a tough choice: give a shit about Britney Spears' baby or try to screw a 13-year-old girl. The Us Weekly Hot Stuff editor opted for the latter, hopping online to chat what he thought was a sexually respondent minor when it was actually a FBI agent on the opposite end of the Internet.

McDarrah responded in June to a posting on the craigslist.com Web site offering introductions to the "freshest, youngest" girls in New York, an FBI affidavit said. The gossip writer told an undercover FBI agent, who had posted the advertisement to lure pedophiles, that he would pay $200 for sex with a 13-year-old girl, the affidavit said.

When McDarrah finally agreed to meet the "girl" on Wednesday, he found the warm loving of federal agents instead.