• Retired NFL star Tiki Barber to join NBC's Today Show; maybe this will help them "tackle" the male thirty-something market.

• In sad news for publishing moguls (and Anna Wintour's assistants) magazine circulations were way down in the second half of 2006.

• With the help of Walter Pincus, Tim Russert and Bob Woodward's testimonies, the Scooter Libby trial is now expected to replace Michael's as the newest hotspot for media elite.

• MTV job cuts have decimated its five business units. Still intact: those idiots on The Real World.

• After thinking about it for a week or two, Times' publisher Arthur Sulzberger Jr. has decided he actually does care whether or not the NYT is still in print five years from now.

• Ron Goldman's family continues to fight for the $40 million O.J. still owes them for "that whole murder thing." Related: USA Today can't write a lied to save its life.

At long last, fashion anon-a-blogger View From the Fourth Row (apparently she works at Conde Nast) has developed a … personality. We already know she loves Ugly Betty, but everyone loves Ugly Betty. Enough with the staid commentary, we demanded. And yesterday, we received it.

These days it seems as if everyone and their mother are "stylists to the stars" or "fashion editors" or "fashion experts." My personal favorite: Bobbie Thomas. She is, of course, the "fashion editor" on the TODAY show. No wonder journalists like Tom Brokaw had to leave. When the TODAY show starts to hire "fashion editors" FOR THE SHOW you know the once reputable news program has gone completely…..

Come on! Let's face it. Who IS Bobbie Thomas? DO you know who she is? She's the fashion editor of LIFE & STYLE magazine. LIFE & STYLE!!! LIFE & STYLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FASHION EDITOR AT LIFE & STYLE!!!!!!!!! Isn't that an oxymoron? She's the fashion editor at Life & Style, yes, that disgusting, tabloid, vermin-infested weekly that can hardly be considered a magazine.

We feel dirty. And it's just splendid. With talk like that, VFTFR might find herself in the third row just yet.

(Nevermind that Bobbie Thomas works for In Touch, not Life & Style. But at least VFTFR got the Bauer part right.)

Know any unemployed pear shapes craving the national spotlight? Well, we've got just the thing—a Today Show makeover, where ducklings become swans (or at least more swan-like) in front of our very eyes!

A tipster just sent us the following email from a Today flack looking to find the Ugly Betties of the world who might've missed the American Idol bandwagon but still want to embarrass themselves in a public forum.

More specifically, they're looking for rotund ladies (especially apple and pear shapes!) in desperate need of a fashion/style makeover. Naturally, we're all over this.

Just give us a minute to grab our obligatory ugly friend and two or three of our dowdy librarian-type acquaintances and snap a "piccie" for the producers. We'll make sure to wear something particularly unflattering and sport running mascara in the photo so that the before/after shots look all the more convincing.

The full email after the jump:

CONTINUED »

• Oscar nominations announced. Dreamgirls shut out from Best Picture. Gays cry.

• Ahoy, The Politico, and welcome to the neighborhood … where we don't watch each other's backs or care much if the bullies on the corner kick your ass on the way home from school.

• Maria Bartiromo: CNBC anchor, homewrecker.

• NYT jumbles up its reporters and rebrands them Hollywood scribes.

• With a fourth hour, isn't it time for the Today show to add the fifth through 24th hours?

• Scooter Libby's trial begins.

• Twenty four writers have ditched the Observer for the Times. Twenty four writers are richer because of it.

Four hours of delicious Today show goodness? We're having trouble even getting our minds wrapped around it. Luckily, those helpful folks over at USA Today have reminded us that it's already been done. And by "done" in this case, we obviously mean "attempted, but failed horribly," as in the case of Later Today, the aptly-named (albeit short-lived) disaster.

Of course, these are different times. Back then, people didn't even want 3 hours of Today because they were so consumed with Elian Gonzalez, Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, and the impending threat of *gasp* Y2K. But with Gonzalez safely deported, Regis recharging his batteries and Y2K only a faint** recollection, the stage is set for Today to eat up yet another hour that could be more constructively spent by watching Tyra. Or, you know, working.

Anyways, here's some info about the yet-to-be-officially-named-new-anchors!:

Hosts have not yet been named for Today's new hour, but regulars Natalie Morales and Campbell Brown are expected to have roles, along with ex-Giants running back Tiki Barber, who'll join as men's lifestyle contributor.

An NBC executive confirmed details of the fourth hour but asked not to be identified because the formal announcement is not until today. Anchors Matt Lauer and Meredith Vieira will not have roles, but Today's Ann Curry and Al Roker could, the executive said.

Wait just a second, Al Roker? Ann Curry? Why, they're not new at all! In fact, they already feel like old friends, being that we already spend three hours with them every day! But we can't wait to see Al chuckle his way through an interview with Obama or Curry ad-lib her way through a teleprompter mishap. So mark your calendars, people. The extended, un-cut, director's version of the Today show hits television screens as early as next September.

Because it doesn't take three hours to drink your coffee and do your morning pilates, people. It takes four.

**and somewhat amusing

• Anna Nicole Smith under fire for exploiting pics of her baby daughter; a defiant TomKat and Brangelina replied, "Well, at least we never had sex with a really, really old guy."

• Britney Spears reaffirmed her commitment to motherhood last weekend, shagging seaman Isaac Cohen in the "Hugh Hefner suite" of The Palms Vegas hotel.

• Donald Trump, evidently a Jossip reader, finds a reason to hate Condi Rice that has absolutely nothing to do with her unwillingness to reproduce.

• Someone other than Paris, Lindsay or Nicole has an eating disorder?? Send in your guesses for the "saccaharine L.A. starlet" so we don't have to speculate for you.

• If Today Show viewers aren't watching Meredith Vieira, and they're not watching Katie Couric, then what are they doing? **shudders** Reading?

• Today show expanding to new 4-hour format to fill in that hole formerly known as The Megan Mulllally Show.

• The WaPo compares the O'Reilly/NBC feud to the "Donald Trump-and-Rosie O'Donnell smackdown," except without that annoying Barbara Walters character.

• Hey, remember the time when critics were required to have degrees, credentials and, you know, some sort of expertise? Yeah, we don't either.

• The New York Times' work rules and practices are criticized as old-fashioned and outdated; the uber-modern Grey Lady replies, "Huzzah! Three cheers for change!"

• The Tribune Co. to shake its "assets" on the open market.

• In shocking news, the public broadcasting awards that you couldn't care less about snubs the network news in favor of shows you've never even heard of.

To be honest, we didn't tune into the Today show this morning to watch Matt Lauer celebrate 10 years of waking up at 3am. There's been chatter all week about Matt's aluminum anniversary, so we figured, "The extra time with the snooze button is probably worth it." As, as the AP tells it, we were correct: No point tuning in for the festival of fun during an hour when Katie Couric is probably still sleeping.

Two multi-tiered cakes, kisses from Miss Piggy and Meredith Vieira and a lot of hair jokes highlighted Matt Lauer's tenth "anchorversary" on N-B-C's "Today" show.
A three tiered cake was wheeled onto the set and Lauer was promised a hot celebrity with a crush on him was inside. It was Miss Piggy. She serenaded him and gave him a big kiss.

Al Roker gave Lauer a can of "memorial can of Big Sexy Hairspray" to kid him about how much hair he's lost in his ten years on the show.

Things got slightly serious by the end when Lauer got another cake, this one a ten-tiered gourmet treat, and Vieira told him he was "not just a brilliant newsman, but a wonderful human being."

And that Life Is Beautiful sentiment was just another hash mark on what Matt described to Time magazine this week:

Our biggest challenge is acquiring that intangible chemistry that works on air. We get along famously off camera, but sometimes there is an awkward moment and a lapse in timing between us.

Lapse in timing, lapse in judgment. Either or. Just leave the "falling in love with Matt's soul" bit off camera, eh Meredith?

Matt Lauer speaks to TV Week about adding a fourth hour to Today, his contract terms, the departure of Katie Couric, and other boring shit. Oh, and this.

TVWeek: I'll ask one question that's in territory you do not like to address. It sounds like you're thinking in terms of you and wife Annette being together for a long time.

Mr. Lauer: Yeah. Absolutely. We have had some well-publicized tough times I think most couples go through—I think ours were just more publicized, but, yeah, absolutely.

TVWeek: At the same time, you've pretty much managed to live a live that is not tabloid fodder.

Mr. Lauer: Well going to bed at 8 o'clock—I live a pretty wholesome life. I'm not walking the red carpet. But I've had more coverage in the tabloids than I'd like, a lot more.

Though, to be fair to People and it's kin, when you're named Sexiest Man Alive and hit the beach sporting this six pack, you're just encouraging them.

• The guy behind the white powder envelopes that caused Keith Olbermann, among others, to freak out has been indicted.

• Today show clocks 11th consecutive year as the morning leader.

• Fox bets on Salma Hayek to repeat Ugly Betty's success.

• A how-to guide on how to write for Radar. The "not get paid" part is self-explanatory.

• Print out those resumes and sharpen those business cards, because magazine holiday parties are the place to network.

• Remember when TVNewser prided itself on not spreading salacious gossip? Turns out there's a fine line between rumor mongering and warning of imminent disaster.

• Glad we've got a timeline in place for calling Augusten Burroughs the next James Frey.

• Liz Spiers launching blog aimed at the jet setting CEO/FO/OO crowd. Also, a new blog for pot smokers.

While Meredith Vieira hasn't exactly brought a new audience to the Today show, we'll agree that she has succeeding in staying the course — and keeping ratings steady at about 5.8 million viewers. While Rosie O'Donnell flips her shit on The View and Katie Couric watches her news broadcast's ratings slide further than they were a year ago, Meredith is staying afloat. With a fruity umbrella drink in one hand and the SPF in the other.

"It has been too smooth," said Jim Bell, "Today" executive producer. "It has been too good. As great a story as it has been for us, it has just been seamless and that may be why it hasn't drawn as much attention."

Also, Meredith Vieira doesn't call Kelly Ripa a homophobe and out Clay Aiken.

Exclusive

With Today show and NBC Nightly News job cuts expected to arrive at any moment, industry insiders are wondering where all those pink slipped staffers are going to end up. But one well-placed source tells us a select number of them may not be out in the cold after all. We're told some of NBC's cuts may wind up at Fox News, thanks to an open door provided by Tom Mazzarelli.

You know Tom as in the former senior producer at the Today show that just took a job (as of Monday) at FNC's yet-unnamed national morning show, to be hosted by former Dayside anchors Mike Jerrick and Juliet Huddy. Mazzarelli was at the Today show for years, first under Tom Touchet's regime – who was ousted in April 2005, with many speculating it was Katie Couric's doing – and then under current exec producer Jim Bell.

Our tattler suggests Mazzarelli – who arrived at the Today show with MSNBC and Larry King Live credentials – might be looking to staff up his new gig with old cronies for the January 22 launch of the 9am morning show. So let Jeff Zucker release the guillotine; but let's make sure the departing NBC staffers know their route to News Corp. first.

Exclusive

We're hearing murmors that NBC Universal execs have made their final tallies for job cuts at the Today show and NBC Nightly News. While the rumors could be wildly off, we're told to expect "low double digit" slashes at the morning gabfest (one insider responding to our questioning tells us "20 to 25 sounds about right"), while the evening news program will see "lower double digit" hit jobs ("a dozen or so"). That will come on top of last week's 17 pink slips at Dateline, a field of tears, and Brian Williams continuing to earn eight figures..

Turns out John Mark Karr's behavior was too disturbing for ABC's Good Morning America — but NBC was ready and willing to take the crazy bait. After ABC pulled the plug on the interview, which we were the first to tell you about, word now comes that the Today show will air a sit-down with the faux JonBenet Ramsey killer. Questioned by Dr. Keith Ablow, whose syndication agreement with Telepictures provided a hefty budget to pay Karr for the sit-down, Karr was taped for the segment after being "given six drinks" and told they were just doing a run-through. All of which – and we're just guessing here – likely runs afoul of NBC's standards policy. But that needn't get in the way of a sloppy seconds get.

KARR'S 'DRUNK' RANT TO AIR [Page Six]

Meredith Vieira loves her blog! Rosie O'Donnell has one, Ellen Degeneres has one, and now, well, she wants one too. The folks at Mediabistro have been following her blogging career closely — we learned of her venture through TV Newser, and are now being made aware of the reason for her Today show absence via FBNY.

Vieira was taking her son Ben on a college tour. And boy is Vieira proud of him for staying level headed and keeping his focus in perspective. Not like she did. See, before becoming the shining star of The View and Today, Vieira has faced a few broken dreams along the way. Like not getting into Harvard.

I say that as somebody who desperately wanted to go to Harvard University. Instead of Harvard, I went to Tufts University; certainly not shabby but it wasn’t my first choice. I wasted a lot of energy holding on to some Harvard fantasy– I even went so far as to hitch into Harvard Square every Saturday and “pretend’ that I was really a Radcliffe gal.

Sniffle, sniffle. See, kids. That's why you set your dreams a tad bit lower. Aim for say NYU or Northwestern … or Cornell. (Sarcastic joke cue: insert laugh). Any university that keeps telling the students "someday we'll be a real Ivy" even though it's never gonna' happen. That way you won't ever feel disappointed with your lame Tufts degree and crappy $10 million a year salary.

It's not about the bumper sticker [Meredith Today]

NBC is extremely concerned over reports that Matt Lauer's wife filed for legal separation, and the network is doing everything in its power to stop the story from spreading. TMZ picked a story up from Rush & Molloy (most accurate column ever) which reported Lauer's wife of eight years, Annette Roque Lauer, filed for separation last month.

Apparently Mrs. Today Show has since withdrawn the petition, but, NBC is frantically trying to keep their star host's name out of the press.

Indeed, one source at a rival broadcast network tells TMZ that NBC is deeply worried that a messy break-up, especially involving the couple's two kids — and another on the way — could damage Lauer's image as morning TV's golden boy. A rep for the couple told Rush & Molloy that the pair is "not divorcing." It's unclear why Lauer had a change of heart and withdrew her petition.

Maybe she withdrew the petition after he promised to stop hitting on the interns? Yeah, we can see why NBC would want to keep that pretty low-key.

NBC Mum on Lauer's Marital Woes [TMZ]

After like six months of that atrocious "It's Your Wedding Day" song, and all of these ridiculous contests and what not that the Today show is hosting, the Today show wedding finally (finally!) took place. Of course we missed it … we're sure it aired when we were watching NY1, but who cares. It's over. It's finally, finally over.

If you missed it to, MSNBC has the video online. Right now the blushing bride Molly and her groom, Jason, are standing around, looking miserable and cold, while a celeb photographer takes their photos in Central Park. We can't help but already dread May, when they start this freakin' process all over again. We just hope, for the sake of everyone's mental health, that they pick a new song.

Today Throws a Wedding [MSNBC]

If you have watched the Today show once time in the past four months, you definitely have that "It's Your Wedding Day!" song in your head, and are likely sick to death of this stupid Today Throws a Wedding segment. We know we are. Well, they've are now at the phase where the audience votes for the bride's dress, the groom's suit, and even the wedding ring.

And what are audience votes great for? PR stunts of course! From the lovely folks at Tiffany's who are candidates in the ring running.

Good morning,

The Today Show is currently throwing a wedding for a couple who won the opportunity through various contests. The audience gets to vote on all matters of the wedding and today the viewers are choosing the wedding band. Tiffany showcased a diamond and sapphire ring in 18k yellow gold, playing up the celebration ring angle, coupled with a Lucida Band in 18k yellow gold. Please vote for the Tiffany & Co. ring; it is labeled "Traditional with a Twist".

We're just trying to give the heads up to Tacori, David Yurman, and Cartier. Better start mass emailing all your cousins.

Vote For Your Favorite Ring [MSNBC]

If Friday was "old guy news" day, then today is "female talk show host day." And despite Martha Stewart's attack on Rachel Ray, Campbell Brown is the star of this show.

And do you know why? Because she is just so sexy. With her full lips and bouncy hair, Brown is a total vixen sex-pot. One can barely look at her without going into a sexual fantasy frenzy. And those clothes! So tight and revealing, so full of come-hither suggestions.

Well, that's what this Radar headline is suggesting, anyway. That Campbell Brown is too damn sexy for morning news television. But it's not because of any of the reasons we stated above. That would be ridiculous. What makes her so sexy is that she doesn't have kids.

Despite widespread reports that Campbell Brown, co-host of the top-rated morning show's weekend edition, was on the very short list of potential successors for the CBS-bound Katie Couric, a source who was involved in NBC's decision making process tells Radar Brown never really had a shot, on account of her youth, looks, and, especially, her lack of kids.

Oh. Sorry. We guess we defined "sexy" by different terms. According to NBC, or Radar, or some combination of the two, Brown's youth (according to IMBD she's 39) and the fact that she hasn't popped out any babies yet, is a major fuckin' turn-on.

Obviously, this realization can only lead to one logical conclusion: Pamela Anderson should join the cast of Today. Sure, she's about the same age as Brown — but she has kids. Ding!

Non-sexy, suitable for TV, and women all over Nebraska can easily relate to her. Now, why didn't NBC think of that?

Campbell Brown Too Sexy for Today? [Jeff Bercovici, Radar]

NBC spent $3.5 million to makeover the set of the Today show, but, as Page Six reports, Meredith Vieira and Matt Lauer are not happy. Despite the chipper attitude they show on television, insider's say the hosts, more or less, hate their toted "new diggs."

"They're fuming that it's too big. It just swallows them up, and it looks something like a hospital wing," our insider continues. "Both Meredith and Matt Lauer have complained about it, so there are going to be changes. It's going to evolve again over the next couple of months, and it's going to cost them millions more to do it, even though they worked on the new set since April."

Of course an NBC spokeswoman denies that the host's of their morning show are nauseated by the site of their new set. But, uh, how could they not hate it? Has this spokeswoman even seen that set? It looks like a low-ceilinged florescent space ship.

We're sure Ann Curry, however, is taking this opportunity to gush about how much she loves the new set. Y'know, in hopes that NBC won't be using her salary to hire Nate Berkus.

READY, SET, GO AT 'TODAY' [Page Six]