NBC is a jealous mistress. Among rumors that Michael Phelps is bedding Stephanie Rice (and whoever else he wants) the peacock station wants to draw their beloved cash-cow back into the warm bosom of their network.
Fair enough, but couldn't they find a better program than Saturday Night Live to showcase Phelps? The Olympic swimmer will be hosting the first episode of the season, which is sure to get off to a bang considering that America has never even heard Phelps speak. There is always a noticeable downturn in the quality of the comedy whenever the guest-host is a famous athlete:
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At last night's Costume Institute Gala – which is a cartoon version of Fashion Week, which itself is a cartoon version of reality – celebrities and Anna Wintour wore frilly costumes to The Met in keeping with the theme of "Superheroes: Fashion and Fantasy," walking up the red carpeted steps in front of a throng of photographers.
Ms. Wintour was described in this way: "She seemed to be broadcasting a message of total earthly control." She imagined herself as Storm, from X-Men. "I control the weather," she said. (It was in the 50s with a few clouds in the sky.)
David and Victoria Beckham blessed the crowd, along with Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen, Mary J. Blige, George Clooney, Julia Roberts, and Giorgio Armani.
Many guests were "unusually" prompt. Not all of them. The mayor showed up late, as did The Donald+Melania, fat people-adverse Karl Lagerfeld, Marc Jacobs, Janet Jackson, Donatella Versace, and Donna Karan.
Some women, like Iman, correctly wore her clothing. Others, like Mischa Barton and Anna Wintour, did not. CONTINUED »
Brady was supposed to ride off into the sunset with a Lombardi trophy under one arm and a supermodel under the other. Looks like he'll limp off with Gisele and a whole set of questions for a long offseason.
Andrew Perloff, "An Inconvenient Truth," SI.com
If there are two things the New York Post cares about, it's sports and gossip. They'll cover terrorism, fires in Queens and violent deaths when necessary. But honestly, the paper cares about its back and its sixth pages above all else.
So with Tom Brady chilling out with Gisele before the Super Bowl, the Post is in Nirvana, which for them involves stalking Brady in the West Village.
While Giants quarterback Eli Manning was home dissecting game tape, Tom Brady spent 24 straight hours behind closed doors with his sexy supermodel girlfriend at her intimate Village pad.
What do you think they were up to all night?
Before you guess having sex, the rest of the article describes what kind of take-out they got. The correct answer is fucking and eating.
[Photo]
F.Y.I., non-football fans: this weekend is sort of a big deal.
The undefeated Patriots are playing the undefeated Colts. For sports fans, this kind of match-up is usually seen as exciting. Sadly for everyone else, the game won't have any funny ads.
The profits from the game aren’t limited to CBS. Bookies are doing pretty well too. "Without question, this will be the most wagered-on game of the 2007 regular season," Michael Seaton, general manager of Spread Media Inc. told the L.A. Times.
Right now, New England is up 6 1/2 on the point spread, but we're on Team Bridget. Go Colts!
As the Patriots returned victorious from Cincinnati, a staffer put "The Recruit" on for the in flight movie. Those unfamiliar with the Al Pacino-Colin Farrell action flick may have forgotten that Tom Brady's baby momma, Bridget Moynahan stars. The movie was taken off after her name appeared in the opening credits.
The scene was almost as uncomfortable as when someone farted during Tom Cruise's moment of silence.
By no means am I sitting here getting plays and getting defenses and checking plays based on defenses that I'm getting. That's completely absurd. If that was the case, I think that's just ridiculous. You know, I hear other players, based on what I've heard on television, that 'Brady's getting defenses.' I'm saying, 'That's just ridiculous.'
–New England Patriots' quarterback Tom Brady, proving he's as articulate when talking about football as he is when awkwardly trying to explain why he dumped preggers ex-girlfriend Bridget Moynahan in favor of non-preggers supermodel Gisele Bundchen. [ASL]
Star quarterback/and new father Tom Brady admits, "I was the little sports nerd in high school who hardly had a girlfriend!" Awww, based on those humble beginnings, who'd have guessed that a mere ten years later Brady would be an international superstar with not one but two gorgeous girlfriends AND an fatherless child who will ultimately struggle with lifelong issues of rejection and abandonment? [People]
After a short 11-month gestation period, Tom Brady's ex-girlfriend Bridget Moynahan finally gives birth to a beautiful (out-of-wedlock) baby boy. No word on the official name yet, but we hear Moynahan's rejected the early favorite, "Bastard," and is said to be torn between the more direct "Alimony For Life," and the appropriately understated "Cha-ching!!"
[P6]
• Weekly World News is folding, which means the only place to read about a bald, umbrella-brandishing freakshow is on Britney Spear's official website.
• Presidential candidates get a little hot under the collar; perspire freely.
• In addition to being a better athlete than you are who gets hotter chicks than you do, QB Tom Brady is also a far snazzier dresser.
• Barry Bonds is officially the new Roger Maris. On 'roids.
• Never one to miss the scoop, Jon Friedman starts asking the big questions about some mysterious mogul man (Rupert whatisface?) who's slowly but surely taking over the media world.
• Fox News discovers it ain't easy being green.
• Jon Lovitz finally does what most of us have only dreamed about, namely grab Andy Dick and smash his face into the bar. Repeatedly. And, despite having once said, "I wanted to punch [Dick's] face in, but I don't hit women." Ouch.
• Narcissists David and Victoria Beckham to adorn their new home with giant, poster-sized pictures of…themselves.
• Despite those persistent rumors about her latent promiscuity, Lindsay Lohan just isn't into going "backdoor."
• Just when things were finally starting to heat up between QB Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen, his ex, Bridget Moynahan has to be all, "Look at me, look at me! I'm having your baby."
• Tom Brady potentially knocked up both his ex and current girlfriends. Talk about a busy off-season!
• Chris Rock's parents, after he told them he wanted to be an actor: "Fine! He's not selling crack. Thank you, Lord!"
• And in crazy washed-up celebrity news, the lead singer of Blues Traveler was arrested for driving 111mph and carrying enough weapons to kill the Gin Blossoms and the entire population of Rhode Island.
• "Crutches be damned" barks Victoria Beckham, who plays the role of supportive wife by dragging her injured husband out for a shopping excursion.
• After 66 years of fighting bad guys, Captain America finally gets his patriotic ass shot and killed.
• Seriously, what's the deal with Brooke Hogan, anyway?
• Perez Hilton founder Mario Lavandeira to be sued for posting topless Jennifer Aniston pics. When reached for comment, an unfazed Perez drew fake cocaine over the lawsuit and described it as "shiteous."
• Meet Dean Baquet, the "Barack Obama" of the New York Times. But will he or Jill "Hillary" Abramson take over for retiring exec editor, Bill Keller?
• Boston Globe stands by its decision to run trashy tabloid fodder about how Tom Brady dumped his preggers girlfriend.
• Weatherman Chris Knowles is leaving Fox News Channel, less than a week after hottie wife, Kiran Chetry, departed. Current outlook: Hazy, with a 60% chance of CNN.
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• Mischa Barton's lookalike younger sis has jumped on the rehab bandwagon.
• Meanwhile, Mischa demonstrates her own normalcy by crashing new bestie Nicole Richie's car.
• Tom Brady put his apartment on the auction block as fast as ex-girlfriend Bridget Moynahan could blurt out the words, "I'm pregnant."
• Easter came two months early this year…with the arrival of Britney Spears: The Cookie.
• Ex-con restaurateur Jeffrey Chodorow declares war on Times' food critic, Frank Bruni.
• And in semi-related news, 'Naomi Watts is pregnant!' declares Us magazine. 'And Us is never wrong!' declares Sarcastic Guy.
• Christina Aguilera is spotted purchasing baby gear; NYDN gossips spotted wetting themselves out of excitement.
• Here's video footage of a drugged (and 8 months pregnant) Anna Nicole Smith dressed as a clown. The best part? You can actually hear Howard K. Stern's musings on how best to exploit her.
• And congrats to Anna for getting back in the game. We were starting to think Brit had overtaken her by bringing batshit insane back.
• Did Bridget Moynahan get preggers in a desperate attempt to trap Tom Brady into marriage? Or did Tom immediately dump his girlfriend of two years when she told him there was a bun in the oven?
• Michelle Pfeiffer randomly whines about how there are no good roles for pretty actresses, prompting a confused Charlize Theron, Penelope Cruz and Cate Blanchett to whisper, "Huh? That bitch craaazy."
• A-Listers snub Paris Hilton's bday bash, leaving her to party with a small monkey and army of midgets instead. Seriously.
• Which is just as well, really, seeing as Paris Hilton was worried Kim Kardashian would "steal her thunder."
• Mel Gibson confesses he'd rather be a doctor or a chef than an actor best known for his role in Braveheart and his antisemitic hate-mongering.
Editorial Director
