The masochists at the Hartford Courant served themselves a cake with Sam Zell's face on it, in some weird ritual designed to let staffers ingest part of their spirit leader. Or for the chance to poke his eyes out, voodoo doll style. [Romenesko]

One hundred fifty of the Los Angeles Times Media Group's 250 total job cuts will happen at the namesake paper, with more than one-sixth of the staff being shown the door. And the newspaper will trim its pages by 15 percent, resulting in an even thinner newspaper. This is a much larger bloodletting than execs previously let on; a few months back they were only expected about 50 positions to be lost. Then Sam Zell's blood sugar dropped, and he got much more vicious. [NYT]

Scott Smith, the publisher of the Chicago Tribune, told staffers in a memo that he would step down, after 30 years with Tribune Co. Not so surprisingly, Smith alluded to differences with Tribune owner Sam Zell as the reason for his departure. Said "differences" likely include Smith's want to keep his staff intact, while Zell's plan is to "right-size" the operation. [CS-T]

Sam Zell, who continues to ruin all that remains good and honest with the beleaguered newspaper industry – a list that includes just the comics page, and those Best Buy circulars, at this point – is taking out one more strand of fishing wire and tying it around the neck of the Los Angeles Times, one of the Tribune Co.'s flagship newspapers that Zell has taken a liking for abusing. Rather than letting the editorial team there, led by editor Russ Stanton, operate the paper's Sunday magazine as it always has, Zell sneakily hired an entire new staff for the weekly LAT Magazine without telling anyone. And that staff, it turns out, is part of the business side of the newspaper, not the editorial unit.

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It's not like Sam Zell ever promised to keep anyone around at the Los Angeles Times. He's got billions in debt he needs to keep stable, which means he's got a couple plans up his sleeve. Obvious first choice: job cuts. Except Zell calls this down-sizing "right-sizing," because, based on his calculations that the average LAT journo produces the equivalent of 51 pages a year, while competitors in Hartford and Baltimore spit out 300 pages, the current staff overload is just waste. And so all of this will bring into focus his other big task, which is evening out the editorial:advertising ratio to 1:1, which will also allow him to shrink the actual size of the paper and the number of pages printed per year. And finally, Zell has taken to addressing his thousands of employees as "partners," if only because the future of the Times, and its debt load, depend on their stock-option plan.

There will be no New York Post-Newsday News Corp. tag team to take on the Times, with Rupert Murdoch having dropped out of the bidding for Tribune Co.'s Long Island paper. Instead, Cablevision will buy 97 percent, for $650 million, of the paper, adding the rag to its massive cable biz front on Long Island.

Along with Newsday, Cablevision also picks up "related assets," including freebie paper am New York, a detail the Times surprisingly left out of its coverage. (The WSJ did not.)

So while the deal doesn't actually include Newsday's real estate, as original reports said, the two papers Cablevision picks up guarantees you're about to be inundated with ticket sales ads for Madison Square Garden, which it conveniently also owns. As well as Radio City Music Hall, the New York Knicks, and the New York Rangers..

Sam Zell names Randy Michaels, the former broadcasting and interactive divisions chief, as COO of Tribune Co., putting him in charge of the company's newspapers. [LAT]

Tribune Co.'s chief innovation officer Lee Abrams, who carries quite possibly the most obnoxious title in newspaper land, and who should generally place a moratorium on delivering soundbites about his company, says the "beehive of hostility and rage" he expected during a visit to the Los Angeles Times was anything but uncomfortable. Instead, he found the place "loaded with people that are smart, passionate and ready to fight the war." Now, would that be the war in Iraq, the war on newspapers ad revenue, or the war Sam Zell is launching against his own company?

SNOOZEDAY Rupert Murdoch does not plan to up his $580 million offer for Tribune Co.'s Newsday, even though Cablevision bested his pitch with a $650 million bid. This is either Murdoch's way of exiting the bidding, or his way of saying he's still a better owner even if he's not willing to cough up $70 million more. Oh, but also: Cablevision's offer includes the paper's real estate, so the offers are pretty much even.

"The dirty little secret about Rupert Murdoch's play to buy another New York media property in addition to the ones he already owns is that there's little anybody can do to stop him," argues the Hollywood Reporter's Brooks Boliek.

Sad, but true. Just as Donald Trump's Trump Soho swatted away critics by beginning physical construction on his downtown condo-hotel, making the project inevitable, Murdoch has shaped the debate about his purchase of Newsday as a "when" debate, not an "if."

And even as Murdoch faces off against New York foe Mort Zuckerman for control of Newsday, there's actually little the Federal Communications Commission could actually do to stop Murdoch from snapping up the paper if Tribune gives the OK.

How come?

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In case the paparazzization of the Associated Press didn't have you worried about one of the world's most ubiquitous news services, perhaps its new hires will. Sam Zell and Rupert Murdoch are both joining the AP's board, it was announced today at a meeting where chairman William Dean Singleton mixed up "Osama" with "Obama."

The duo have been elected to three year terms, which is more than enough time for Rupert to BlackBerry Messenger Sam underneath the board room table with tips about how to swindle David Geffen into buying the Los Angeles Times.

That, or to chuckle about the New York Press' Wall Street Journal parody.

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Is David Geffen making a third try for the Los Angeles Times? Nikki Finke's gossips say yes, though Geffen has been yachting in the South Pacific for a few weeks, and it's possible he never had those super secret talks with Sam Zell that have been reported. [DHD]

"Another freaking Clear Channel Communications executive on the payroll and this one's been named President of Tribune Interactive," announces a press release from Sam Zell's Tribune Co. . And it gets ZANIER from there!

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Rupert Murdoch is suddenly worried his attempt to buy Newsday from the Tribune Co. might run into hiccups. Of the antitrust variety. Ya think? [WSJ]

"H—, I put $315 million into this thing, and we're on the hook for $13 billion—the least I ought to get is my name on the company's stationery," writes Same Zell in his April Fools' Day press release. Hey, at least he made the effort: He even made over the Tribune Co.'s homepage into the fictional ZellCoMediaEnterprises Inc. [WSJ]