Don’t you hate when people apologize, but really just blame you? Like, if we were to say, "sorry this site is riddled with grammatical errors, but maybe you should get back to checking for copy editing mistakes in your own work?"

Actually, we are sorry about any grammatical errors on this site. Please stay here and click all around. Don’t go looking for copy editing mistakes in your own work.

Sam “Watch X-Tube in the Office” Zell did just that. He sent out what he described as a mea culpa but wasn’t at all:

In some of these meetings, I used language that was deliberately outrageous. … You may not like me or the way I say things, but I’m thrilled and delighted that for the first time, you may actually have an opinion about your CEO. … So I ask you, when was the last time the industry sat up to take notice of Tribune, or cared what we had to say? …Extremism in the pursuit of opportunity is not a vice. You’ve seen me step over the edge, if only to get you to take a few steps toward the line.

We’re confused about this mythical line: What does pornography at work have to do with great journalism? It’s times like this we’re happy the Tribune Company isn't hiring.

Let’s say you worked at a paper that had gone through four senior editors in three years and the general state of journalism was like your toilet after a big cup of coffee. And let’s say you lived in Los Angeles. And how about we quit the hypotheticals and say you work for the L.A. Times?

Well, then Jim O’Shea’s departure couldn’t have felt good. Because when he was ousted, he either was supremely bitter or incredibly honest—or maybe a little bit of both—and basically said the whole Times operation was crap. You’re probably interested in another job, but resigned to the fact that finding a new position at a paper on par with the L.A. Times is next to impossible.

But fear not, Sam Zell, owner of the Tribune Co., came in to make everyone feel better by talking smack on O’Shea, saying "[O'Shea] pissed all over the company where he worked for over 30 years.” But lest any reporters would take issue, Zell won them over by encouraging porn watching at work as long as masturbating and sexual harassment didn't get in the way of deadlines.

What a kidder. But seriously, your jobs are not secure.

So while you were enjoying your three day weekend, Jim O’Shea was getting all outraged about getting fired from the L.A. Times over financial disputes, the demise of print journalism, etc.

In the past three years, four senior editors have left the L.A. Times complaining about budget cuts. Effectively, the L.A. Times is that guy who can’t commit that every girl thinks she can change. Rumors have it that the next editor who believes newspapers can change is former business editor Russ Stanton, who currently is the head of editorial content at latimes.com.

CONTINUED »

O'SHEA CAN YOU SEE For the fourth time in three years, Tribune Co.'s Los Angeles Times ousts a chief. Gone is editor James O'Shea, removed by publisher David Hiller for refusing to cut jobs in the newsroom, which happened to publisher Jeffrey Johnson last year. And just when we almost started believing the gospel that suggested we start believing the tarot card reading that hinted new owner Sam Zell might take pity of his work force. [NYT]

If you’re looking for news about cars driving around in a circle, don’t look to the Chicago Tribune or to the Sun-Sentinel. The papers have eliminated their NASCAR coverage in favor of local news; NASCAR beat writer Ed Hinton has left the company. In the mean time, we can’t decide which is less interesting: suburban school budgets or NASCAR. [Romenesko]

MERE PENNIES Sam Zell, who just made himself chief executive of his newly purchased Tribune Co., on his $8.2 billion purchase: "I think it’s a very low-risk investment." [NYT]

HASTILY INTO THE NIGHT When the Tribune Co. goes privately into the hands of Sam Zell tomorrow, his $8.2 billion buyout will also bring regime change: CEO Dennis FitzSimons is stepping down as chief and will have cleaned out his desk by the end of the year. [Romenesko]

Everyone from Long Island is a liar. Have you ever met someone from that region who tells the truth? No. Stereotypes are always true.

Need proof? Newsday and the Spanish Daily, Hoy, lied about their circulation figures to advertisers between 2001 and 2004. And they were both based in Long Island when the lying went down.

The result: $15 million in fines to settle federal criminal fraud investigations, $83 million in restitution to advertisers and remedial management and internal auditing.

CONTINUED »

There's much you can say about Sam Zell. This week, the New Yorker tried to say it all with an especially lengthy profile of the possible future owner of Tribune Co. And Ken Auletta wasn't even behind it!

Unlike the magazine's Mort Zuckerman profile – what's with the media mogul obsession? – this doozy is worth reading, if only for the anecdotal poetry. And the tidbit about the polyester jumpsuit.

CONTINUED »

• Jack Valenti, the longtime Hollywood lobbyist, dies at 85. His death will be mourned by everyone who knew him, and rejoiced by every teen who's ever been denied admittance to an R-rated movie.

• Two "major publications" (read: NYP and People) digitally obscured portions of the photo from the VT shootings. "Eh, that's nothing. I used to to pull that crap all the time!" says recently fired Blade photog, Allan Detrich.

• Say, remember when we suggested Rush Limbaugh might be the next Don Imus? Apparently, he was listening!

• ABC network exec, Andrea Wong, to take the reins at The Lifetime Channel. Her first goal? To make it "even more boring."

CONTINUED »

What's it been? Like, five seconds since Sam Zell took over Tribune Co.? Just wanted to check and make sure we knew what ground we stood on, 'cause word arrived that the Los Angeles Times is slashing five percent of its staff, or some 150 jobs. (That would be 70 editorial slots.) And, as you've managed to guess by now, most of those axings will come in the form of voluntary buyouts, at least at first.

The news, announced by L.A. Observed, also brings word that LAT design director Joe Hutchinson is departing for Rolliing Stone.

And when Jann Wenner's Rolling Stone starts looking like a crazy better option than the LAT, well, that's significant and stuff.

Writing for BusinessWeek – since she's missed a few Closing Bells, she clearly has the time – embroiled CNBC anchor Maria Bartiromo checks in with Sam Zell, the new Tribune Co. owner. But unlike a ride aboard a Citi jet, Maria ain't flashing her IPEX in this interview. She means bid-ness.

How can we tell? It takes a full five questions before Maria asks about anything besides Zell's plans to tear the papers apart.

CONTINUED »

• Sam Zell's new Tribune Co. will be hesitant to give away online content for free. Just like Pinch used to be!

• Why are so many folks hoping Conde Nast's $125 million Portfolio will bomb? We can think of one hundred twenty five million reasons.

• OK! and Hello publisher Richard Desmond hops out of bed with People for a few minutes to launch a Spanish competitor to People en Espanol.

CONTINUED »

• The Coop, Jodie Foster "Out-ed." Entire world feigns surprise.

• NYT's public editor Byron Calame wins the Bart Richards Award for royally screwing over Bill Keller and Arthur Sulzberger Jr.

• New, super-secret Portfolio cover is…a disappointing NYC skyline. Yawn.

• One of the Google employee's has a 3-foot python who can't be contained! Computer programmers, so hot right now.

• Business Week wonders how Sam Zell will revamp the Tribune with so much debt. Incredibly, Sam Zell just had the exact same thought.

• And yet, inexplicably, Broad and Burkle still want in.

The battle of the billionaires is finally over. Chicago real estate tycoon, Sam Zell, has reportedly overtaken his competitors, Burkle and Broad, gaining control of money-sinker Tribune Co. with a brilliant last-minute maneuver that involved "offering the board much, much more cash."

According to well-placed sources, the board favored Zell's bid because:

• Zell's checks will clear faster than Ron "Bounce" Burkle's
• Zell is from Chicago, which is nowhere near the scandal-ridden LA Times
• Zell has never, ever had sex with Brian Grazer's publicist.

Here's how it all went down!

CONTINUED »

• Billionaires continue to duke it out for control of Tribune. It's almost like watching a no-holds-barred Ultimate Fighting Championship except with boring rich guys.

• Diane Sawyer beats out NBC, CBS to score the interview with Dina McGreevey that nobody else wanted.

• "At breakfast yesterday, Dean Baquet looked an awful lot like the next executive editor of the New York Times." Sounds like someone ordered Wheaties!

• The Edwards campaign may have the most Facebook, MySpace friends, but Obama looks "way hotter" in his profile picture.

• The reviews are in on Onion News Network: "Funny to read, not funny to hear from mediocre actors with bad toupees."

• Rachel Marsden, hailed by some as the next Ann Coulter, is a 31 year-old Canadian and a "once-admitted stalker."

• Meanwhile, Dana Perino, who's currently filling in for Tony Snow, is described as "an airline ticket agent who keeps smiling as irate customers demand to know why their flight has been canceled."

• Barney Calame, ombudsmen are "boring and ineffectual." Well, obviously.

• But that doesn't stop Slate's Jack Shafer from suggesting Calame's replacement. (Hint: It's not Jack Shafer.)

• Write or wrong, the Houston Chronicle on Anna Nicole Smith: "the model could barely right a sentence."

CONTINUED »

• The Los Angeles Times: It's what happens when people stop being polite. And start getting 'real.'

• CBS News' online coverage of the Couric/Edwards interview already has 49 pages of comments. And counting…[via TVNewser]

• Tribune seems to favor Zell offer. Just as we reported. Then forgot about. And are now reporting again.

• MySpace "star" Tila Tequila attributes her success to "any pimply dork with a computer." Pimply dork responds by saying, "OMG, she said my name!"

• Time, Newsweek agree that Americans are "already over" Afghanistan.

CONTINUED »

• Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee are back on? Must be because he has a really big…heart.

• Lloyd Grove reverses ban on mentioning Paris Hilton, but needs a LAT byline to do it.

• Marc Jacobs checks himself back into rehab. This in no way affects the way we feel about our Spring MJ bag.

• Less than a week out of the clink, Lindsay Lohan's father is already dreaming up new and creative ways to exploit his daughter.

• Oprah's new school in Africa is more like a prison. Where's Bono when you need him?

• If Tribune Co. gives him the chance, Sam Zell promises not to break the company apart. Until he's ready to.

Yesterday, the Tribune Co. sale rumor went to bed with an announcement from the media conglom that it has "no current plans" to sell any more papers, after saying they were unloading two small Connecticut rags to Gannett for $73m. So what say we about our earlier report that Chicago real estate mogul Sam Zell's $35 a share offer was going to be accepted?

Current speculation is that, after some convincing, the Chandler family (Tribune's largest shareholder) was able to push through their own "self-help" plan after calling Zell's offer too low, which means they'll push ahead with their agenda to spin off the broadcast division.