Have we (as we speculated last week) finally seen the last of Tucker Carlson's bow tie and annoyingly conservative ideals? Possibly, but MSNBC is keeping things ambiguous for now.
Rumors have been flying recently that Tucker Carlson could soon be on the way out at MSNBC. In a report that aired this morning on NPR, Phil Griffin, a senior vice president at the cable network, described Keith Olbermann and Chris Matthews as part of the MSNBC "brand". Asked whether Mr. Carlson was also part of that brand, Mr. Griffin replied: "He is right now."
That is, assuming MSNBC's definition of "ambiguous" roughly translates to "You have until the end of the day to clear out your things."
On last night's Dancing With The Stars, the MSNBC talking head joined forces with fellow DWTS castoffs Lisa Rinna, Harry Hamlin and Laila Ali in a video spoof in which Carlson and company "check into 'dance rehab' in Malibu because they 'haven't been able to let go of being on Dancing With the Stars.'" Reports TVNewser:
"I was brought here against my will," Carlson tells a 'rehab counselor' [in the video]. "I am a dancer, whether (people) believe me or not. I'm the one person in here who doesn't need therapy," he continues, "because I'll never get rid of dance. You could cut me into pieces, and each piece would have dance within it."
Along with yesterday's revelation that Rosie O'Donnell demanded a gold-plated trapeze to work for MSNBC comes word that Tucker Carlson (and his fledgling conservative show) will be canceled as part of MSNBC's great migration to the left.
Nothing could further from the truth, however. At least, from what Carlson hears. “We’re on the air as far as I know,” Carlson tells Big Head DC, calling rumors of his show's impending demise "complete and utter bullshit."
One possible cause for the mix up was that the New York Times's anonymous source at MSNBC was a frenemy of Tucker's. (Same with that high-level source who told us Dan Abrams found out his time slot was in jeopardy from the morning papers!) Which means either cable TV "insiders" are actually just a bunch of bitch high school girls or else MSNBC's still treating their anchors like yesterday's news.
"Congratulations for making my life hell the past few days," writes a (sort-of) joking Intern Wendy. "Thanks to Jossip's coverage of Tucker Carlson, I had to rewrite my entire column for today. It's enough to make me ask for a raise," she sighs, adding, "if I were getting paid in the first place." Oh, Wendy. Such a kidder…
• "Nasty, bad, naughty boy, that is the single gayest thing I have ever heard a senator say ever. That is redolent of gayness." Tucker Carlson, showing off his gay-dar, Tucker, August 28
• "You just did a foot move there, Tucker." Pat Buchanan, wondering if anything's "afoot" under the table, Tucker, August 28
It's been a busy past couple of days for political pundit Tucker Carlson. Between bragging about beating up a grabby gay in a men's bathroom stall, apologizing for it profusely and then totally trying to take it back, Carlson's been running around in circles as of late, trying to appease the throngs of knee-jerk liberals who apparently took his gay-bashing comments way out of context.
But what most people forget is that Tucker Carlson has been afflicted with incurable foot-in-mouth disease long before he was ever mentally "accosted" by a same-sex bathroom dweller. So in honor of his latest controversy, we've gone back into the archives of time (by which we mean past issues of Cable Quotables") and rounded up a sampling of some of his most memorable remarks in a segment we're calling, "Best Of The Bow-Tie: Tucker Carlson's Greatest Hits."
And if you think Carlson hates gays, you don't even want to get him started on how he feels about fat people. The complete list, after the jump.
After being outsmarted by a comedian and out danced by a football player, Tucker Carlson has nothing to do but cause trouble on MSNBC. Blame Jon Stewart.
Wearing a normal tie and repeating “I’m not gay” about a dozen times, Tucker Carlson retells his own Larry Craig story to Dan Abrams and Joe Scarborough:
Huh? You and a friend beat up someone up in a DC bathroom? That doesn't sound like a story you want to stick with.
Tucker's new version after the jump.
• Madonna finds another Malawi "orphan" to rescue snatch away from the evil clutches of her biological parents.
• CBGB's is dead. And now so is its founder.
• Owen Wilson is officially dropped from the upcoming "Frat Pack" comedy, Tropical Thunder, presumably because they don't allow movie cameras into the suicide ward of Cedars-Sinai hospital.
• Tucker Carlson doesn't hate gay people. He just likes beating them up in public restrooms.
• Facebook trounces Google 15-11 in a heated game of ultimate frisbee. "Huh," murmured a stunned Google tosser. "So that's what it feels like to come in second."
Tucker Carlson's pseudo-gay bashing is hil-ar-i-ous! [Queerty]
(Snatch-urally, Media Matters is on the case.)
• "The culture is probably working much harder at making little girls want a Bratz doll than a Jesus doll." —John Gibson, realizing that "water into wine" can't compete with dressing like a hooker, The Big Story, August 1
• "News flash people, god is in children and flowers and the morning dew. He is not way up a vagina. OK? Look elsewhere." —Michael Musto, detailing his personal spiritual quest, Countdown, July 31
• "You know, it's odd. I'm on a rooftop, and I don't see any pigeons. Maybe — maybe it's had an effect already. Is it possible?" —Anderson Cooper, sharing his aviary contraceptives knowledge, Anderson Cooper 360, July 31
• "Talk to—have an honest conversation with anybody who has gone on a radical vegetarian diet, and they will tell you they have to remind themselves that sex exists." —Tucker Carlson, on why he'll never go vegan, Tucker, July 31
• "Guns don't kill people. Dogs kill people." —Willie Geist, pimping the NRA, Tucker, August 1
• As the battle between the 'Giuliani Girl' and the 'Obama Girl' heats up, Team Barack "keeps to their tradition of balancing booty with wit, using a pop-up Al Gore to excellent effect, along with the somewhat hapless character of "Kucinich Girl," which is a nice nod to lower-tier candidates (though one shudders to think of what "Gravel Girl" might look like)."
• Larry Flynt to Tucker Carlson: "I'm a slimeball, and you can't dance."
• According to the results of a new Harvard study, "young people do not make an appointment with news every day the way older adults do." As a result, teens also tend not to talk like out-of-touch septuagenarians.
• WaPo brings "local news" to excruciatingly boring macroscopic level.
Remember when we told you CNN was phasing Paula Zahn out, but nobody believed us, and then the network axed her show?
Meanwhile, we also told you Tucker Carlson was on the way out. Sure, our report came in October and the Tuck is still on the air (well, with barely any staff), but at that time a MSNBC spokesperson also said: "Tucker will continue to host our 4 and 6pm hours, where he’s achieving impressive growth in our audience."
Cut to now, where the supposed "impressive growth in our audience" has MSNBC taking away losing his 4pm timeslot. Something about the earlier show hurting his ratings for the 6pm hour, which advertisers supposedly find more important.
Our suggestion? More cowbell. Or Willie Geist.
Tucker producer-slash-on air talent Willie Geist leads us into Father's Day weekend with a ZeitGeist (get it?!) video about Fathers of the Year. Making the list: Alec Baldwin, Brad Pitt, and the guy on Dateline's To Catch a Predator who brought his own kid to a hookup.
Our honorable mention: Willie Geist, who, we hear, could be just moments away from becoming a first-time father himself.
It was the "get" NBC News couldn't have ever bought: exclusive photos, video, and writings from Cho Seung-Hui, the 23-year-old Virgina Tech student who killed 33 of his classmates and injured many more.
A white envelope arrived at Rockefeller Plaza yesterday – a day late, thanks to an incorrect zip code – and was promptly put on the desk of NBC News president Steve Capus. Federal investigators were called in and took the original items, but not before NBC made duplicates of all the material (down to the address scrawl on the envelope). As it turns out, Seung-Hui mailed the package in between killing his first two victims and the second wave of murder two hours later.
By 6pm, Tucker Carlson was teasing the exclusive on MSNBC's Tucker, but refused to elaborate on what the contents contained or show any details about what NBC News had in its hands. That moment only came at 6:30pm, when Brian Williams was over on NBC proper, and lead NBC Nightly News with the eerie words and video of the killer while Tucker broadcast what looked like a similar package.
Over at the CBS Evening News, meanwhile, Katie Couric had little to go on except the same reports we'd been hearing all day. On Fox News, Brit Hume lead with a story about President Bush and Iraq that we quickly turned away from.
Undoubtedly, it was a glorious get for NBC. Completely unexpected. And as yet unexplained.
When he finds himself without a show on MSNBC in, say, the next few minutes, at least Tucker Carlson will have a fall back plan.
The Tuck has signed a deal with CBS to host game show – they're so hot right now!! – pilot Who Do You Trust? Do You Trust Me?, from the producer behind Weakest Link, where "strangers wager how much they trust each other as they develop a relationship via gameplay. The concept is loosely based on the classic game-theory experiment 'prisoner's dilemma,' where players weigh cooperation vs. betrayal for differing levels of reward and punishment."
Hmmm … to be honest, we've never heard of, nor played that game. But it certainly doesn't sound like something you'd wear a bowtie to. Though we'd at least extend an invitation to Tucker producer Willie Geist to join us in finding how what Lane Garrison's future is looking like.
One of the favorite personalities in all of cable newsdom for Cable Newsdom Correspondent Wendy is, of course, Will Geist. He's the Tucker producer who seems to snag as much screentime as the bowtie-free host. And when he's waxing on colleague Rita Cosby, why wouldn't he be sat in front of the camera?
• "We do not want Rita to go, but if she had to go, we know she throws a good party. And you know who I met? Randy Jones, the original cowboy from the Village People. So that is . . . the best reason why you should have been there." —Willie Geist, dazzled by Rita Cosby's social circle, Tucker, April 2
• "But it will be ugly, it will be wild, and it will be tasteless. That is one thing you can be assured of definitely." —Willie Geist, eagerly anticipating the opening of the Girls Gone Wild restaurant chain, Tucker, April 2
• “Now this seems a little ridiculous on its face, but if you look at the big picture, Sanjaya obviously someday is going to be sleeping under an underpass somewhere, and this little KFC lifetime supply might come in handy.“ —Willie Geist, pondering Sanjaya Malaker's future, Tucker, April 3
• "It was mainly church and Pez were the two things that we had on Easter . . . I was never whipped once by a stranger in a devil costume." —Willie Geist, hoping the Easter Bunny is a dominatrix, Tucker, April 4
• "He does not deserve a white suit, either, by the way. Ricardo Montalban and Herve Villechaize are the only two who can pull that look off." —Willie Geist, dissing Sanjaya Malakar's fashion sense, Tucker, April 4
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