Somehow the travails of Buzz Bissinger v. Will Leitch, Jared Paul Stern v. Ron Burkle, Page Six v. Vanessa Grigoriadis, Cathy Horyn v. Giorgio Armani, Dale Peck v. Rick Moody, and Leonard Wieseltier v. Andrew Sullivan get boiled down to what's going on between Lauren Conrad and Heidi Montag:

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When Vanessa Grigoriadis – a writer we like to think of someone who takes subjects that have been done to death, and then updates them so we can get at least one post out of it – was making inroads on her Britney Spears cover story for Rolling Stone, she ran into a whole gaggle of the UCLA Medical Center veteran's handlers.

Normally, handlers are responsible for keeping their clients' best interests at heart, creating a protective womb for their fragile subject. But lest we know anything about the Adnan Ghalibs and Sam Lutfis of the world … HAH.

Instead, Britney's so-called handlers were all willing, as David Shuster might say, to pimp her out. One, to the tune of $2 million.

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Being bloggers, we often use inclement weather as an opportunity to cower under our bedsheets and scour the web for things other people are writing about subjects we're either too lazy (or else too uninterested) to write about ourselves.

Case in point, this excerpt from The Phoenix, which speaks derisively about the whole "Did Page Six Threaten To Date-Rape Vanessa Grigoriadis??" incident while simultaneously providing the most intense, detailed though-provoking analysis of the saga to date.

Naturally, the write-up concerns Page Six's ill-advised response to Grigoriadis' NY Mag "slam" which read: “Grigoriadis ignores the fact that half the Page Six staff is female. The male half might take her somewhere private and disprove her theory, but we don’t like a woman with a mustache.”

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