Will Ferrel's comedy video site Funny or Die is usually just that: morsels of genuinely funny items, in a sea of user-generated shitpits. But this spoof on the Variety offices, including the coining of such
Ben Silvermandering(!) to refer to hard-partying execs coming in late for work, is the best magazine office parody we've seen since College Humor's High Times web show.

Back in February, we noticed something taking place inside Hollywood media: Both The Hollywood Reporter and Variety were putting themselves on the block. While Variety, from LexisNexis owner Reed Elsevier, was making its intent to sell a public matter, THR owner Nielsen publicly denied it was shopping itself around. Finally, this week and many months later, Sharon Waxman heard the same news — and added one tidbit to the gossip: the New York Times is supposedly a potential buyer.

Except, according to everything we understand, the Times is as much a player in this deal as, say, Rodale. That is: They're a big name publisher that always looks at these type of deals, but almost certainly won't be interested in taking on another (troubled) print liability. There's also some wild rumor about that Valcon, the name given to the six private equity firms that own Nielsen, might be interested in picking up Variety, too, and having total control over film studio advertising budgets.

Mainstream media stealing stories that break on the blogs? It's like 2001 all over again! A group of independent movie blogs who are tired of Variety and The Holllywood Reporter printing day-old blog news and claiming it as their own are banding together to boycott the trades. Now, because those bloggers aren't really buying the print edition of the trades, the way they'll be wielding their power is by refusing to link to either paper. Oooh, Internet warfare! [Folio]

That Variety is weighing in on the Olbermann-O'Reilly feud pretty much means it's time to turn in, doesn't it? [Variety]

GIGGLE Does anyone else laugh at the Hollywood trades' continued insistence on using industry jargon in their copy, because it'll save space or make them sound more insider-y or whatever? How are we supposed to take Variety seriously when they write lines like, "Nonetheless, MRC TV prexy Keith Samples said he knows the Sunday block faces an uphill battle against established competish." [Variety]

Who's got a couple billion dollars to snap up Reed Elsevier's publishing division? Si Newhouse technically does, but he's not interested. The Conde Nast scion has officially ruled out buying the giant's properties, like Variety, Broadcasting & Cable, and a slew of others, even though, thanks to that riley credit market, the asking price of $2.5 billion is likely a whole billion dollars less than Reed could've fetched just last year. And you know who loves stuff on the cheap? Or just stuff? Private equity! Which is where this deal was headed from the beginning.

Rumors that Nielsen is looking to unload its business publishing arm – which includes The Hollywood Reporter and Mediaweek – is today being met with news that Reed Elsevier, owner of LexisNexis, might be selling off its business publishing unit.

The Reed Business Information unit, headed by Gerard van de Aast, includes magazines like New Scientist, trades like Broadcasting & Cable, Publishers Weekly, and, oh, a little publication called Variety — all of which might be on the auction block as part of a Reed Elsevier "restructuring." Which is a fancy way of saying that they're buying ChoicePoint, a risk-management analytics company, for $4 billion … and they need to find the cash from somewhere. (Haven't you heard the credit market is in shambles?)

What no major press outlet has done with the news, however, is connect the dots that the two trades responsible for sucking up to studios could both be on their way to changing hands.

CONTINUED »

Great news everyone! Sick of just connecting with your friends on MySpace, Facebook and Friendster? Tired of just relying on LinkedIn to keep up with your business acquaintances? Do you want more websites to distract you from your trivial job and meaningless responsiblities?

Well, we have just the ticket for you. And by ticket, we mean web portal. The Biz:

LOS ANGELES – Variety, the world's premier source of entertainment news, in association with Jobster, today announces the launch of "The Biz" the first social networking site for entertainment professionals and enthusiasts in the U.S.

"The Biz" serves as an online meeting space for media and entertainment professionals to network, pitch products, exchange ideas, and search for jobs among peers and industry experts. The site also offers a vehicle for employers to recruit new talent and target candidates by specific interests, skills and experience, on Variety's platform which is the top destination for entertainment news and information.

Because you know what? If you have time to join another social networking site, you're clearly qualified for a top job in the entertainment industry, courtesy of Variety "the world's premier source of entertainment news."

Thanks Biz, you're my top friendster.

In every group of friends, there’s always one person who is too into The Wire. This guy is constantly chastising you for not watching the show and thinks he’s too good for Law & Order SVU. Whatever, Law & Order SVU really isn’t so bad. It’s certainly better than thinking.

Anyway, this friend is about to get the backing of the MSM, as the final season of The Wire takes place at a degenerating paper that’s a stand-in for The Baltimore Sun.

The season hasn’t even started yet, and Variety is already breathless over it:

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DRUDGE RETORT It's hard to tell whether Variety's Brian Lowry is thanking or begrudging those times when he gets linked on Drudge Report. But either way, your hate mail might be better received if only you were polite when calling him an elitist media snob liberal. [Variety]

You know Charles Koones as the president and publisher of Variety. We know him as just Charlie. Actually, we’ve never met him. Anyway, he’ll be stepping down in March to “raise venture capital or other private-equity financing to pursue unspecified opportunities in the media business,” or whatever that means. Neil Stiles, division managing director for Reed Business Information in Britain, will replace him. [LAT]

For a writers strike, there's certainly a lot to read. While people caught in the middle of this might be busying themselves with Guitar Hero, most people just want to know when The Office will come back on. And updates on the donut status on the picket line is a poor excuse for actual entertainment. Our breakdown on the strike must-reads after the jump.

CONTINUED »

Despite loads of cutbacks, Nielsen née VNU launched a New York edition of The Hollywood Reporter on Friday. Variety also has a New York version of its magazine, as well as an online Asian edition. In a remarkable coincidence, The Hollywood Reporter will start an online-only Asian edition. Nielsen's business strategy is to offer enough of the same features as Variety that Hollywood neophytes will confuse the two. [NYT]

After 18 years working with Variety, Elizabeth Guider is taking the top reigns at The Hollywood Reporter. On the surface, that sounds like a logical career move. Until you ask anyone about the health of THR. [THR]

Entourage is a little bit in love with Variety. And why not? The show is on HBO, which means no paid-for product placements (That bottle of Grey Goose on the shelf? Creative decision!), so you know their plug love is authentic. It also means a plot-driven sucking up to the Hollywood trade, which might just result in glowing reviews of the show. And, since HBO supposedly doesn't base the success of its shows on how many viewers they pull in (hah!), Time Warner brass stay happy if everyone is loving how charming Vince can be.

Which explains why Entourage producers bring the trade to life, filming scenes at their offices, and having Johnny Drama care about its reviews. It might also explain why the cast "followed" Variety all the way to Cannes, as the trade's blogger Anne Thompson suggests. Or, you know, they were shooting scenes there too.

If loose lips sink ships, what do departing editors do? Activate nuclear warheads? The Hollywood Reporter will soon find out, given yesterday's pair of high-profile departures to the competition.

THR editor Cynthia Littleton and deputy film editor Anne Thompson have taken off for new roles at Variety, as Nikki Finke was first to report; Littleton is deputy editor for news development and Thompson is Variety.com deputy editor.

I hear Littleton is taking the marquee role as a new Variety columnist and will be expected to break news. Thompson is switching her re-branded movie column and online blog — mostly profiles and pick-ups notoriously soft on the industry — from HR to Variety.

All of which says, to anyone with the slightest knowledge of trade warfare, that The Hollywood Reporter is slip-sliding away, once and for all. At least until THR gets mouthpiece Deborah Patton into action and spins this whole mess into one of a bright future. (Hey, if Time can do it …) Though if the past tells us anything, we're not going to see much wisdom there.

Ok, we know it's like the dreariest day ever. (We are seriously pulling out the SAD lights and doing sun salutations just so we don't attempt to kill ourselves by slicing our wrists on our diet coke cans.) But, you know what the perfect thing to brighten your day is?

Yup, you guessed it. Entourage gossip!

This time Variety actually gets a scoop (uh, because they were part of the freakin' story) and spills the details of an upcoming Entourage episode, in which the posse charges the Hollywood paper's offices and spews a few choice words at "Paul Schneider" (the character based on Variety TV critic Brian Lowry).

But don't think for a second this was an easy task for the Entourage set crew to film this episode.

Breathtakingly beautiful extras mixed with breathtakingly beautiful Variety staffers, causing some confusion for the crew (editors working at their computers were suddenly startled as hairstylists walked up behind them and began giving them a touch up).

Wow. How incredibly humble. If only LA reporters spent more time reporting, and less time dying their hair, maybe the rest of us would start paying attention to them.

'Entourage' crew invades Variety [Laura Repstad, Variety]

Appearing in today's Variety:

(Click for larger version)

Yep, an ad paid for by bitchy queens.

Heartbroken Brokeback Fans Say “Thanks” With Ad in Daily Variety [429 News, via Oh La La Paris]

They say things happen in threes, and February has claimed the life of the inevitable third magazine. On the heels of Budget Living and Absolute, V Life (a pub you may have heard a lot about, but probably never read) will be shelved this month, after its Oscar issue release.

The mag, a lifestyle spin-off of Variety, launched in 2003 and offered insight into the spending, shopping, and luxury lives of "entertainment's elite." (We just can't imagine that spending a day at the spa with Scarlett Johansson wouldn't attract a whopping number of readers?)

Despite this painful axing, Variety is not giving up on its fashion coverage. The mag plans to throw a new style page into its weekend section, and of course, the website will launch a blog. So, have no fear, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen fans still have a shot at following a day in their life of Starbucks/Urban-Outfitter sprees.

VARIETY SHOW [Sara James, WWD]

Thankfully, Variety inserted all the "flair" necessary with this flaming headline.

Little ratings flair for ABC News pair [Michael Learmonth, Variety]