• If you'd told us yesterday that Mariah Carey's ass was hotter than Mandy Moore's, we'd have called you a liar and then laughed uncontrollably. Oh, what a difference a day makes…
• As though wearing creepy, couple-coordinated outfits weren't enough, David and Victoria Beckham also have the audacity to dress their children in matching rugby shirts.
• Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz confuse crazy hats with street cred.
• At what point did it officially become physically impossible to perform on So You Think You Can Dance without lip syncing?
• Yep, just another proud moment for Gwen Stefani and her less famous husband.
I think people are really going to see me for the first time. I think they have this impression that I’m this miserable cow who doesn’t smile. But I’m actually quite the opposite. When you’re out there, they’re trying to get pictures up your shirt, down your top. With all the flashes, it’s as much as you can do to just find your car. I’m going to try and smile more for America.
–Victoria Beckham, in the current issue of W magazine
As we write this, we’re looking out the window and salivating over the picture perfect weather outside, currently being wasted on lazy, unemployed persons and pretentious NYU students. And so, for your sanity and ours, we’ve decided to kick off a glorious new feature called “Comment of the Day,” to provide a transient glimmer of entertainment for all you working stiffs who would much rather be downing margaritas poolside on the Jersey Shore (while fending off advances from married, guidos named Tony) than slaving away in your cubicles.
Today’s “Comment of the Day” comes to us from PerezHilton, and it pertains to this picture (right) of Perez wearing skintight red pants, and interviewing the large-breasted wife of a certain international soccer sensation.
But will Perez readers forgive self-proclaimed fashionista for his wardrobe malfunction? Will Posh forgive Perez for calling her "a robot with really big boobs?" Thoughts, reflections and the COTD, after the jump.
• Brandon Davis takes time out of his busy birthday-party-ruining schedule to trash his brother's wedding.
• Michael Moore rants and raves at Wolf Blitzer for 11 zany minutes, then demands an apology from CNN.
• Paris Hilton is already well on her way towards poisoning America's youth.
• Sources say Posh's boring television special is completely representative of her non-existent personality.
• Alec Baldwin tries to disassociate himself from that shitty movie he starred in co-produced.
• The former VP of the United States introduced himself to a room full of celebrity-turned-environmentalist types by saying, "My name is Al Gore, and I'm a recovering politician."
Victoria Beckham is just like Angelina Jolie! Well, except without the natural boobs, the 17 adopted kids and the prestigious Academy Award.
ANGELINA Jolie isn't the only diva who wants to tightly control her dealings with the press. Hollywood's latest fembot, Victoria Beckham, was acting like an in-demand Oscar winner last week when her reps forced reporters to sign contracts before interviewing her. The contract, which was obtained by TMZ, stipulated that all interviews with the Spice Girl/reality star would be used for the "sole purpose of publicizing 'Victoria Beckham: Coming to America,' " her new reality show. Last month, Jolie forced news outlets to sign a similar contract when she was promoting "A Mighty Heart." Reps for Beckham did not return calls.
Meanwhile, in further efforts to perfect her Angelina impression, Posh is said to have painted her face a subtle shade of not-white, made out with her brother and ordered in Chinese food.
ESPN truly is, as TVWeek writes, "pulling out all the stops" for David Beckham's debut as a member of the Los Angeles Galaxy on Saturday, July 21. The network's efforts include an extended edition of SportsCenter, an ET special entitled "David Beckham: New Beginnings," a half-hour pregame show and the game itself, to be broadcast on ESPN with the help of 19 cameras, featuring "Skycam, super slo-mo cameras and robotic goal cams," not to mention a "Beckham cam," and additional coverage on ESPNSoccernet.com and ESPNNews.
In fact, with all the aforementioned measures (not so subtly designed to milk this historical moment for all its worth) ESPN seems to have forgotten only one thing, namely: Americans hate soccer.
Which is why we'll be spending the evening washing our hair and ogling Victoria Beckham's B-cups on the highlight reel.
• Victoria Beckham finally admits her boobies are fake, but claims they're only a 32B. Riiiiight.
• Scarlett Johansson has a nose ring! And it's not a slutty vegan side-stud so much as a giant, ugly cow-loop. Nice moooove, ScarJo.
• Also, way to wear fat-shorts.
• Pete Doherty pleads guilty to drug charges, which really puts a damper in his whole "smack and needle-free wedding" plan.
• Serena Williams manages to overcome rain delays and painful leg cramps to overtake her much-less-intimidating opponent at Wimbledon.
Turns out Justin Timberlake and Victoria Beckham have a little something in common (other than rampant narcissism and revolving door hairstyles) namely, an irrepressible need for Pepto Bismol.
And while Posh's gassy posterior has already been immortalized in a charming children's storybook, Timberlake's struggle with the bloat was only recently revealed when his overseas rider (demanding anti-gas tablets) was "accidentally" leaked to the press.
The embarrassing excerpt, after the jump.
Were you shocked and amazed to learn that the Spice Girls are reuniting for one last crappy pop music-making menopausal extravaganza?
Well, get over it. Nowadays, wonders never cease, nor do seemingly irrelevant former celebrities—especially those looking to resuscitate their flatlining careers.
Nevertheless, we were rather surprised to learn that the girls are all on such magnificent terms these days. Especially after our gay brother Queerty told us about the existence of a certain naughty children's story, penned by one Geri Halliwell (a.k.a. Sexy Spice) and loosely inspired by the actual experiences of her close friend, a Victoria "Posh" Beckham.
The juicy excerpt, after the jump.
• Lindsay Lohan was reportedly drunk and coked out of her mind when she crashed her car onto an oncoming curb. Hello, Lynwood!
• Most people who enjoy dirty, men's lavatory sex might periodically get tested for HIV, but then again, George Michael isn't most people.
• A picture is worth a 1000 words, which is why these snapshots (of 100% drug-free Paris Hilton lighting up a doobie) are the photographic equivalent of "Finnegan's Wake."
• Britney Spears denies Cyndi Lauper the pleasure of seeing her inadvertently exposed breast "slip out" during the True Colors concert.
• Apparently, not everyone agrees with our assessment that Sporty is the hottest Spice.
Have you heard? The Spice Girls are planning a reunion concert tour! And, while Baby Spice's water is ready to break any moment now, we're wondering if the girls are ready…to put aside Scary Spice's illegitimate child woes, "Posh" Beckham's giant saline balloons and Sexy Spice's, um, dentures long enough to hit a high note?
Our surprisingly thorough analysis, after the jump.
• In order to spare its viewers from boredom, Victoria Beckham's reality show has been slashed to a measly 1-hour special. Unfortunately for NBC, however, Posh still gets her $19 million check.
• Angelina Jolie rocks an ugly $26 black-velvet dress. Because, apparently, showing up in used and out of season attire is her way of "keeping it real."
• Megan Fox's myriad of tattoos, explained! "[There's a] poem I wrote on my ribcage, a symbol for strength on my neck and my boyfriend Brian's name tattooed next to my pie." Even better? Her boyfriend is Brian Austin Green, better known as David "I Never Get Laid" Silvers from 90210.
• Kate Bosworth is great at buying and unpacking groceries. It's the "subsequently eating all the food she bought" that keeps tripping her up.
• Heidi Montag ditches her shark-toothed fiancé long enough to pose for her bevvy of admirers. By which, of course, we mean the lone paparazzo who overslept and missed the more important celebrities out for their morning jog.
• The latest in celebrity swimwear trends? An oversized diaper-bikini, of course!
• Victoria Beckham throws out the first pitch at an L.A. Dodgers game, despite the fact that the baseball jersey does nothing to accentuate her humongous breasts.
• Also, despite being frequently mistaken for a 10 year old boy with an "mammory gland problem," Victoria evidently throws like a girl.
• Meanwhile, rumors of Britney's comeback tour continue to spread. And Brit can barely contain herself!
• And Cameron Diaz disappoints us by going the boring/mature "Justin and I are still great friends" route, rather than the more risqué "ultimately, Justin just couldn't cut it in the sack" direction.
I think these people are pretty spineless, the way they hide behind pseudo-names. They don't really know what's going on in anybody's lives. They're just sad people sat behind their computers."
–Victoria Beckham, explaining why she will not be attending our birthday party (again) this year [via IDLYITW]
• Christina Aguilera tricks her new hubby into wearing an effeminate grass skirt by telling him, "You are beautiful. No matter what they say."
• Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson's adulterous affair-turned-relationship is over, even before it "officially" ever began.
• Thanks to Sarah Silverman, Cisco Adler's balls will be hanging around for just a little while longer.
• Victoria Beckham defies gravity and mandatory pants-or-skirt requirement in this revolutionary corset singlet.
• Watch out Lindsay—there's a new hottie in town. And she doesn't have "mandatory drug-testing" written into her employment agreement.
• Who knew Ryan Seacrest acting like himself could be so damn hilarious?
• Roberto Cavalli's wife commits a fashion faux-pas.
• Cameron Diaz continues to date sexually ambiguous men, replacing former boy-bander Justin Timberlake with…a magician.
• Victoria Beckham's nipples are suddenly playing hard-to-get.
• Mirror, mirror on the wall. Who is the sexiest scariest bald celebrity of all?
• Lindsay Lohan is a wildcat in the sack, boasts super discreet fuckbuddy Calum Best.
[Photo Credit: Xposure]
• In utterly shocking news, insiders reveal things aren't going so well on the set of Victoria Beckham's new reality show. More specifically, Posh is "boring," "full of herself" and "coming off as a grade-A bitch."
• Hillary Clinton tries to overhaul her aging lesbian-inspired wardrobe by rocking a canary yellow pantsuit.
• It's almost as though no one cares about K-Fed's "Look, I'm a player!" hands or Paris Hilton's lazy-eyed "come hither" stare anymore.
• Scarlett Johansson takes a tumble after she tries, fails, to run with a coat over her head.
• Jessica Biel's enormous booty great personality turns heads at a recent Mercedes-Benz polo tourney.
• Ali Larter is our new "Hero."
• It's a sad day when Britney Spears' rodeo prostitute outfit is a marked improvement over her past few ensembles.
• Cut your hair, Tom. We don't care if you're a Scientologist, just so long as you get rid rid of those bangs.
• Lindsay Lohan doesn't want to have lesbian sex with Keira Knightley. Fortunately, Sienna Miller has no such reservations.
• Posh Spice sobs: "I began living on vegetables and nothing else. But it never occurred to me that I had an eating disorder."
• Kirsten Dunst is too hungover to smile for the camera.
• Heather Mills may be a leg down, but she already has a leg up on her Dancing With the Stars competition.
• Ralph Fiennes' airplane conquest was "too proud to ask anyone for money." Except, you know, in exchange for sex.
• Note to Wilmer Valderrama: it takes a whole lot more than Matchbox 20 to woo Lindsay Lohan. Just ask Scott Storch!
• Victoria Beckham is way into teabagging, not so much into solids.
• Jesse Metcalfe and his man-boobs won't be lounging poolside at the Mondrian Hotel anytime soon.
• Kitty Kelley wonders when the Bush daughters will join Prince Harry on the frontlines in Iraq.
• Tom Brady potentially knocked up both his ex and current girlfriends. Talk about a busy off-season!
• Chris Rock's parents, after he told them he wanted to be an actor: "Fine! He's not selling crack. Thank you, Lord!"
• And in crazy washed-up celebrity news, the lead singer of Blues Traveler was arrested for driving 111mph and carrying enough weapons to kill the Gin Blossoms and the entire population of Rhode Island.
• "Crutches be damned" barks Victoria Beckham, who plays the role of supportive wife by dragging her injured husband out for a shopping excursion.
• After 66 years of fighting bad guys, Captain America finally gets his patriotic ass shot and killed.
• Seriously, what's the deal with Brooke Hogan, anyway?
Editorial Director
