Just when you start to feel sorry for motherless Kanye West, he has to go off on another one of his deranged tangents about things of no importance whatsoever. This time around, his anger is directed at the MTV Video Music Awards — one of the most legitimate and respected musical events of the year. Except, you know, not.
You see, Kanye thinks these awards shows — both in America and Europe — are "fixed," and he's not OK with the winners of this year's crop:
It must be a sign of the times that you can read an article about Eminem and Moby and think, "God, I remember when those two were relevant." Well, back in my day kiddies, Eminem had public spats with just about everyone, from Britney to Christina to Fred Durst. But there was one infamous(?) incident at the VMAs that made Kid Rock and Tommy Lee's "fight" last year look like, well, a sad fight between two aging rock stars looking for once last shred of publicity/dignity.
The occasion in question involved Eminem getting all up in vegan peacenik Moby's face and shouting some stuff at him. Seriously, this happened six years ago, but Eminem is working shit out on his 9th step amends right now, so he's offered a public apology to Moby in his picture memoirs, Eminem: The Way I Am.
Apparently it was that damn puppet dog's fault:
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We thought Larry Rudolph put an end to the rumors about Britney Spears performing at this weekend's VMAs, but MTV won't shut up about it. According to the network, Brit will be opening the show, but "it is not a performance."
If anyone saw Forgetting Sarah Marshall, the highlight of the film was Russell Brand's character, Aldous Snow. What could have been a one-dimensional role as a egotistical, sex-obsessed rock star was actually given depth and humor by Brand's portrayal of Snow as a recovering alcoholic with a little more self-awareness than perhaps any of the other characters in the Apatow factory churn-out.
American audiences might not have been in on the joke, which is that Brand himself is a comedian and musician, and that his public persona of a disheveled, disorderly rock star was never just an act; the Brit has struggled with a heroin problem, alcoholism, and sex addiction, all of which he has "kicked with professional treatment." But with Amy Winehouse having to phone in her Grammy performance earlier this year, and Britney Spears' infamous performance at the VMAs in 2007, why have producers pegged Brand to be the host of the MTVs Video Music Awards this year? And more importantly; who is really in on the joke:
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The endless back and forth speculation about YouTube crack smoking star and amateur fighter Amy Winehouse, back when she was expected to perform at the Grammys – but, uh, wasn't exactly "healthy" enough to do so — accomplished at least one thing: Incredible interest from the American public (and British tabloids) in the broadcast.
In the end, of course, Winehouse couldn't make it to the stage, phoning in her performance via satellite; and while the blogs and trades were abuzz with rumormongering, three million fewer viewers bothered tuning in to February's show.
Just imagine what those audience numbers could've looked like without the Winehouse gossip. So it makes sense that producers of the show, while of course concerned about the health of the celebrity music acts they invite to perform, are at least equally as interested in the buzzworthiness of their headliners.
Which explains why MTV Networks Music president Van Toffler is already speculating on a certain blonde pop tart who may, or may not, be ready for a repeat appearance at this year's VMAs. CONTINUED »
When asked the backlash sparked by her comments about Brit at the VMA's, Sarah Silverman replied, "I’m in it to be funny and not for the drama." In which case, might we suggest a career change? [Us]
These early pictures of Amy Winehouse bring to mind one of Sarah Silverman's funnier only funny remarks from her VMA's monologue. And so, in the words of a mainly offensive (but occasionally hilarious) comedienne, "She is Jewish, right? 'Cause if she isn't, someone better tell her face."
Fox has an interesting strategy to make the Emmys socially relevant: Have someone who has just lost hers appear on the show.
USWeekly.com reports that Fox is trying to get Britney on the show on Sunday to apologize for her performance last week at the VMAs.
The speech will go something like, "Sorry I suck!"
In addition to firing her hair stylist, forgetting to lip-sync half of her (admittedly) forgettable song lyrics and clumsily teetering through the beginner dance steps in her less than stellar television comeback, a less-than-sober Britney Spears also committed one other performance faux-pas:
"She had an ab-defining spray tan preshow to create the illusion of more tone."
Unfortunately, it would seem that there's no quick fix for an all KFC/frozen margarita diet. Or, as it turns out, back-fat. [Us]
Underrated musician and modern day Christ figure Kanye West, who was recently overheard confusing the VMA's with some more prestigious awards show slamming MTV for being talent-blind and/or prejudicial, is absolutely right in accusing the video music channel responsible for catapulting him (and countless other black artists) to stardom of deliberately undermining his achievements.
Because it was, of course, MTV who forced Kanye to disappoint fans by not showing up to his Today show concert last week, MTV who heartlessly canceled Kanye's scheduled appearance on TRL and MTV who persuaded Kanye to inexplicably stand up Late Show host David Letterman for no reason whatsoever.
All of which leads us to unilaterally conclude that the only one holding back rapper/black man Kanye West is rapper/black man Kanye West MTV.
"I wonder if Kanye honestly thinks whining and complaining about losing out on a stupid MTV award makes people sympathize with him more?? This guy is a classless, self-centered jerk…He's the Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson of cRAP music."
"The tux was weird, he looks like he's one of those high school geeks getting ready for senior pictures or something."
–Us Weekly commenters "Katie E." and Anonymous, reacting to Kanye West's post-VMA's temper tantrum, in which he fumed "That's two years in a row, man … give a black man a chance." [Us]
Before last night, Britney Spears could be considered a musician. But now the jig is up. She’s just a train wreck.
The New York Times puts it most succulently: “She didn’t disappoint: she was awful.”
Even MTV can’t say that Britney was good, but they do their best to avoid plagiarizing Sarah Silverman.
With one of the most anticipated openings in VMA history, Britney Spears tried to get the party started Sunday night with a James Bond-meets-underground S&M club slither through her new single, "Gimme More." … After all that hype, a relieved-looking Brit gave a shy smile, whispered "thank you" and exited after a low-key performance that was quickly overshadowed by the likes of high-energy sets from the Foo Fighters, Chris Brown [and] Kanye.
Despite her ability to make “one of the most anticipated openings in VMA history” “low-key,” a source told People magazine that Britney is “embarrassed” after the performance.
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• It's hard to determine who was the overall Worst Dressed at this year's Video Music Awards, however Beyonce certainly gets an honorable mention for channeling Liberace's Curtains.
• Meanwhile, for anyone who missed the opportunity to see an overweight and hopelessly out of shape Britney Spears jiggle her thighs very, very slowly in tune to her latest pop abortion, this photo montage pretty much captures the scene.
• Sharon Osbourne, on Madonna: "She annoys me. I've met her a few times and found her very cold and very rude. She's annoyed me for years though, way before all the buying a baby thing."
• After a year of shitshow benders, face-scratching and self-mutilation, Amy Winehouse is finally ready to procreate.
• A happily unmarried Angelina Jolie learns why falling in love is so hard on the knees.
• Oprah Winfrey raises $3 million for Barack Obama's presidential campaign by partying like it's Obama/Hillary '08.
Days ago, Kanye West lashed out at a beleaguered Britney Spears, stating the obvious ("I can’t believe she would perform [at the VMA's]—she hasn’t had a hit record in years”) and citing racism—and, presumably, poor taste—as the underlying reason behind MTV's questionable choice.
When asked for his comments again after Spears' show-opener, an uncharacteristically speechless West replied, "I have no words."
For those of you who missed it, Spears' lethargic VMA's performance was certainly a (lackluster) sight to behold. Picture, if you will, the slightly overweight washed-up pop star, clad only in an ill-fitting black bikini, lip-syncing lazily to her brand new hit single while halfheartedly gyrating against her nubile male dancers.
Now picture it again, except this time think "exponentially more awkward."
Kid Rock and Tommy Lee duked it out last night in an anticlimactic "scuffle" over a woman comprised predominantly of silicone. Asked for his thoughts immediately following the kerfuffle, Lee replied, "What kind of guy comes up and punches someone when Alicia Keys is performing?" [Mollygood]
Was that incredible? She is amazing. I mean, she is 25 years old and she’s already accomplished everything she’s going to accomplish in her life.
It's mind-blowing. And she's so grown up, she's a mother! It’s weird to think that just a few years ago on this very show, she was this, like, sweet innocent little girl in slutty clothes writhing around with a python. That’s not nice…calling Madonna a python.
But have you seen Britney’s kids? Oh my god, they are the most adorable mistakes you will ever see! They are so cute! They are as cute as the hairless vagina they came out of.
–Host Sarah Silverman's introductory remarks, immediately following Britney Spears' "comeback" performance at the 2007 MTV Video Music Awards [via]
"MTV Aims to Return to Its Days of Glory." You know, like when they actually played music, and never resorted to sending out bullshit press releases. [NYT]
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