• O.J. Simpson to face one of his greatest all-time fears, namely being tried and convicted of a crime—and sentenced to prison for up to 35 years.

• The Onion's "Israelites Sue God For Breach Of Covenant" is supposed to be funny, but surprisingly, it turns out they're right on the money.

• Meanwhile, devout followers testify in polygamist Warren Jeffs' defense. His wives unanimously rally around him, except #7, who's "on the fence."

• Did Rihanna get plastic surgery? Well, the rumors certainly are rife. And something about those funbags says she ditched the umbrella and went under the knife.

• Vanessa Hudgens divulges a "secret" crush on Matt Damon and brags about her throngs of adoring fans while simultaneously refusing to answer questions about those racy pictures of her cans.