Within minutes of hearing the news that Barack Obama would be the next President of the United States, my mind went to a dark place: "Take that, Elisabeth Hasselbeck!" I couldn't wait to turn on The View this morning and watch the show's resident crazy cry in shame and weep for the state of our nation. Unfortunately, she threw us for a loop and acted like a classy, intelligent human being. Who knew?
Bonus footage includes Sherri Shepherd crying tears of joy in response to last night's election results. It's quite sweet, actually.
Full video after the jump.
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According to Mother Earth Whoopi Goldberg, the blond bitch Hasselbek gets more death threats than anyone else on The View. But they don't all hate her, as the Chicago Sun-Times implied! "Politically we could not be more opposite, but I respect her tremendously. Truth is, we could not have a dialogue without Elizabeth."
Right. Because then someone else on the show would have to become the ridiculous scapegoat, and Sherri Shepherd already wrote it in to her contract that she doesn't want to be "the most dumbest one."
The View was awesome yet again this morning, thanks partly to Elisabeth waking up on the wrong side of the bed and also because of Whoopi's absence. Poor Barbara Walters had to mediate between Joy and Elisabeth, which was ineffective and led to one of the more intense shouting matches we've seen as of late:
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Does it strike anyone else as a bit odd that the most spirited political discussion these days is coming for those five overly percolated women on The View? Sure, Bab's show has always been fun to watch, in that "what would Sex and the City be like if they were all old and didn't like each other and not everyone was white" sort of way, but never before this election show actually contained something resembling a serious political discourse that is being as closely monitered in the papes and blogs as, oh say, an Olbermann/Matthews feud.
We're on Day Three of resident Republican and stereotypical blond Elizabeth Hasselbeck's futile promotion of John McCain and the Republican party. Once again, the usually ditzy Sherri Shepherd is on the attack, playing off yesterday's feud, and now she has Joy to back her up again, and threatening to flash everybody.
This is a Joy Behar nation folks, we just live in it:
This, ladies and gentlemen, is why I watch The View morning after morning in hopes of witnessing something amazing. Elisabeth Hasselbeck, the moron who gives Republicans everywhere a bad name, had a minor meltdown during the show's first segment today. She was so beyond help that not even Barbara Walters came to her rescue. The topic, of course, was the idiocy of Sarah Palin, which turned into another session of Elisabeth spouting off nonsensical remarks to defend her beloved McCain/Palin ticket. After Barbara correctly likened Palin's preparation for the debate to a high school student cramming for an exam, Elisabeth became extremely angry, which is when this happened (inciting a round of boos from the audience):
Picture it, the women on The View are discussing the dreaded n-word. Whoopi Goldberg is explaining why black comedians use it and why they should be allowed to — she’s very frustrated. Elisabeth Hasselbeck doesn’t understand. She starts to cry and seems to make the argument that we can’t move forward in race relations if black entertainers keep using the word. I roll my eyes. Barbara is uncomfortable and interrupts. If you can’t picture it, check out the video after the jump.
• Improv Everywhere takes on Starbucks with a desk top computer rocking Windows 95.
• Brad Renfro got snubbed at the “In Memoriam” montage because he wasn't famous enough for three seconds of screen time of a four hour program.
• Hey, there just might be something to this whole blogging trend. CONTINUED »
Vladmir Putin is Time magazine’s Person of The Year.
Russia is a creepy place, Whoopi Goldberg is an idiot, and our acceptance speech for winning the award two years in a row will have to go unused.
What else is there to say? This self-made story is a blatant attempt to boost Time's newsstand sales and web hits, and it works every time. You can read more about their selection process here.
• Courtney Love, ladies and gentlemen.
• Got Paris in a can? For the love of God, don't let her out.
• Britney's sleazy record producer ex is spotted cozying up to Lindsay Lohan; Rejected suitor Scott Storch dies a little bit inside.
• You're not paranoid. Inanimate objects are everywhere. And they're watching you.
• Access Hollywood thinks Britney Spears is addicted to…sugar. Related: Jossip editors think Access Hollywood is addicted to horribly wrong theories.
• Whoopi Goldberg inadvertently outs Queen Latifah. Whoops!
[Image via PacificCoastNews]
Bill O'Reilly goes on The View to promote his new children's book, "Kids Are American, Too." (Rejected titles included "Gays Are American, Too" and "Hey! Did You Know Black People Ran Their Own Businesses?") And all joking aside, we think Bill made the right call stopping by the morning gabfest.
Afer all, we can't think of a better place to corrupt the minds of innocent minors (and slow-thinking adults) than a daytime talk show featuring a menopausal shrew, an actress/comedienne who wants a threesome with Nancy Pelosi and her husband and a woman who's still convinced the Earth is flat. [Queerty]
From a disturbingly gross article in the Washington Post:
Yes, Whoopi [Goldberg] implicitly acknowledged, she'd like to do Mr. Pelosi - but she might take his wife while she's at it. "I would do her as well. But we should wait on that because you're still in office, I don't want to cause a problem."
And now, if you'll excuse us, we have a breakfast sandwich that needs regurgitating. [via Queerty]
Right about now, Barbara Walters is regretting her choice for a new hire. [HuffPo]
Remember the other day when we told you how Whoopi Goldberg spent her first day on The View defending Michael Vick and casually brushing off his puppy-murdering tendencies as merely a "Southern" thing? Well, surprisingly, after the show, a couple reporters had a few questions for Whoopi, who explains she was just trying to bring everyone a "different perspective."
"Just so he's not this monster," Goldberg said. "He's a wonderful guy who was involved in something terrible. I'm not excusing it, I'm just saying, listen, I believe his apology … and maybe this will be a huge wakeup call to a lot of people doing this."
She's right, this could totally be a huge wakeup call! Especially for all those crazy Southern dogfighters who never miss an episode of The View. And, of course, for those plucky headline writers over at the New York Daily News.
Whoopi Goldberg starts off her tenure at The View with a bang by defending self-professed dog murderer Michael Vick. And according to Whoopi, Vick is innocent of any wrongdoing because…he's Southern?
"There are certain things that are indicative to certain parts of our country," Whoopi explains, referring to the fact that Vick was raised in the South. "This is part of his cultural upbringing."
Hmmm, makes perfect sense to us! But apparently "funny" lady Joy Behar was still not 100% convinced.
• It's official! The View has picked their next washed-up comedienne to take the reins.
• Manhattan Media buys New York Press, leaving thousands wondering, "Why?"
• Cable television hit record numbers this summer, proving once again that Americans are fat, lazy and watch far too much of the Lifetime channel.
• Everybody hates Rupert Murdoch. Enough already, we get it!
• More Republicans agree to join the YouTube debates, except none of the ones who actually matter.
• What's the only thing worse than being thrown into Lebanese prison? Being thrown into Lebanese prison and having everyone think you're actually an Israeli spy.
Elisabeth Hasselbeck (a.k.a. the dumb, weepy Republican one on The View) weighs in on Rosie's unofficial replacement, Whoopi Goldberg.
"I loved working with Whoopi Goldberg," the pregnant Hasselbeck told PEOPLE at Super Saturday in Watermill, N.Y., during a fundraiser for the Ovarian Cancer Research Fund over the weekend.
"She is soulful, has a world of experience to bring to the table, and I don't sense any sort of political agenda," she added. "She is so funny, but at the same time, she is one of the most thoughtful people that I've met."
Translation: She's not Rosie O'Donnell.
Congratulations, Whoopi. We think you and Elisabeth will get along just fine.
Is Whoopi Goldberg about to be named the newest co-host of The View? Perhaps! At least, that's what FishbowlNY is reporting, though an ABC spokesperson stubbornly refuses to confirm or deny the report.
Mark it down: Whoopi Goldberg will be named the new co-host of The View, FishbowlNY has learned. Sources close to the decision say the announcement could come in a matter of days. The move has been rumored since Rosie's departure in May, while boldfaced names from Paris to Perez have been tossed around as possible replacements. Barbara Walters told FishbowlNY recently at Michael's that a decision would be forthcoming: "We have to decide by the end of the month [July] because we're off in August, so, soon."
And we (sort of) hope it's true!
Granted, we haven't seen Whoopi in approximately ten years* but given some of the other names ABC was throwing around (Mario Cantone? Ivanka Trump? Perez??) the star of Made in America is, incredibly, the pick of the litter.
*Not counting that weird cameo on Life on the D-List when she and Kathy Griffin were riffing about their vaginas
As you can see from this maticulously assembled chart, New York's celebrities are lackin' as professional capitalistic hacks.
Michael J. Fox is the city's most recognizeable celeb (or, rather, the celeb with the most "ability to influence consumer purchase intent")? And Whoopi Goldberg reigns as New York's most notable lady schilling for Slim Fast? The Donald's not in the Top 100, when nearly every episode of The Apprentice is an ad?
Okay, that one actually makes sense. Thanks to Trump's pushing Zagat's, we now use Michelin's Red Guide exclusively.
The Celebrity Trust Index [NY Mag]
• Today might be Britney Spears' 24th birthday, but she's not celebrating her marriage to Kevin Federline. After feuding on a flight from NY to LA, she shoved him off to the Beverly Hills Hotel while she partied at LAX with Johnny Knoxville. But now that the family is crumbling, she doesn't have an excuse not to sign on to Broadway's Sweet Charity. [R&M]
• The cast of Lost is doing more damage to Hawaii than merely destroying the islands' jungles. Stars Michelle Rodriguez and Cynthia Watros were arrested on DUI charges. Luckily, Dr. Jack was on hand to keep soothe everyone's emotions. [People]
• Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston were pulled over (without incident) in Scottsdale, Arizona, where Vince's BAC tested below the legal limit. Definitely not as exciting as Macaulay Culkin's bust in Oklahoma City.
[AP & Defamer]
• Fox wouldn't keep Nicole Richie on its network alongside Paris Hilton, but they are interested in discovering what, if any, talent she has. [Star]
• Alexis Stewart, the only thing worth watching on The Apprentice: Martha Stewart, admits to having "experimented with lesbianism" but, despite her haircut, she wasn't into it. Instead, she slept with one of the show's cameramen. [R&M]
• Having starred in the movie, Whoopi Goldberg doesn't plan on Oprah's The Color Purple on Broadway. At last, we have something in common. [Lowdown]
• Janice Dickinson claims she didn't re-up with American's Next Top Model because she wouldn't be nasty, a la Simon Cowell. Yup, that Twiggy's just an uber-bitch. [Page Six]
• Talan Torriero's biggest concern, beside finding an actual career? Making sure he gets a full refund on his daddy's credit card for the $75,000 ring he got for Kimberly Stewart. [Page Six]
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