Remember back in January of 2001 when Jason Kidd pled guilty to slapping his wife, Joumana, over some sort of crazy, french fry-related dispute? Well, that pales in comparison to the allegations Kidd makes about Joumana in the divorce papers that hit the presses today.

Among other things, Kidd is accusing Joumana of having 'pulled a Naomi Campbell,' charging that she frequently punched, kicked and threw "household objects" at him over the course of nearly ten years of marriage. The muscular 6-foot-4, 210-pound all-star was, evidently, rendered defenseless against such tactics, and he asserts that Joumana's cruelty knew no bounds:

According to the court papers, Joumana's "extreme cruelty" toward Kidd has included trying to make him look bad in front of the children by talking trash about his career - not to mention tossing paint on his beloved golf clubs.

Paint? On his clubs? But wait, there's more!

Six days earlier, according to the papers, an irate Joumana sat on the hood of Kidd's car and refused to budge, preventing him from getting to practice.

So to review, Joumana turned ordinary household products (like dishsoap?) into deadly airborne missiles, defaced a "beloved" 9-iron, and forcibly prevented Kidd from showing up to practice on time.

Yep, we'd have slapped the bitch too, Jason. Now, continue having one of your best seasons ever and go find yourself avictims support group.