The best thing about election night, besides Obama winning, natch, was that CNN hologram technology that allowed will.i.am and Jessica Yellin to make many a Star Wars reference while remote-chatting with Wolf Blitzer and Anderson Cooper.
But it turns out our dreams were made of no more than fraud and air: much like Princess Leia's video-taped plea to Obi Wan, the CNN hologram technology was nothing more than the newest piece of movie magic.
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Celebrities love to feel needed, that's why they've chosen the profession they are in: so as many people as possible can care about their stupid kids names or DUIs. But there is perhaps nothing more grating than the sycophantic celeb that decides he or she is "going to make a difference" by lending their voice to a cause that didn't ask for them. Yes, some charities need a spokesperson, some famous face to put on their billboards and websites to garner interest in autism or Darfur. But America doesn't need to be told to vote by the same eight self-congratulatory mugs, over and over.
So Leonardo DiCaprio, your first mistake in creating a campaign video was allowing any old doofus that happened to be in Hollywood that day have a walk-on role (the cast of Friends hasn't gone anywhere since 1996). The second was using smug Hollywood circle-jerking and sarcasm as your method of getting the message across. The third was making it four minutes long.
If it wasn't for the presence of Sarah Silverman and Jonah "I've never fought a war on drugs! I've never done shit on drugs, besides play Halo 2" Hill, this ad would be entirely worthless and notable only for the fact that the reverse-psychology tactic was better the first time around as a Tracy Morgan bit on 30 Rock.
Plus, while the campaign is ostensibly just to get people voting, you only need to look at the cast line-up (will.i.am, Natalie Portman, Ashton and Demi) to see who this ad is really in the tank for. Not so subtle, DiCaprio.
If you need any more evidence of how condescending and insufferable this ad really is, here's a compilation of celebrities doing their best "get out the vote" faces. God help you if you're actually the type of person that wasn't considering registering to vote until Michelle Trachtenberg from Buffy and Gossip Girl goaded you into it:
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Uh oh! Will.I.am, he of crap.py quartet the Black Eyed Peas, got a big head in light of the success of his "Yes We Can" video. Prepare to be positive video-ed to death.
On Thursday in New York City, Will, his band mate apl.de.ap, musician Angelique Kidjo, actress Kristin Davis and model Elle Macpherson all helped launch a "new" campaign to halve global poverty by 2015. Neat, if not really new.
In fact, this campaign is an initiative to help revitalize a plan originally put into motion eight years ago by the United Nations. Many of the countries the UN had hoped would be well on their way to destroying poverty by now are nowhere near achieving their goals. Clearly, this is a job for apl.de.ap.
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The intrepid reporting team at Radar deserves a special shout-out for this revealing interview with Black Eyed Pea's resident poet in which lyricist will.i.am explains the nuanced meaning of the time-honored classic, "My Humps."
I always wondered what it must be like to be a girl, always gettin' pulled on. Maybe she's the smartest genius on the planet, but she's rackin' double Ds with a 26-inch waist and a big ol' ass and no one's ever gonna see her like that because that's the way the world is.
You know who else is the smartest genius on the planet? That rich motherfucker, will.i.am.
• As if Scott Storch producing Paris Hilton's upcoming album disaster weren't bad enough, now the guy is sort of saying that he slept with her, too. It must be hard to find out you have crabs by reading a blog. [NYT]
• MTV promises that this will be the most thrilling season of American Idol yet. Oooh, maybe Paula Abdul will move on from rum and cokes to Jäger bombs. [MTV]
• Radiohead helps a depressed Japanese kid leave his room. We're not supposed to laugh at him, guys. [NYT]
• Some, ahem, male pop "idol" has been trolling the internet for one night stands with other men. Clay Aiken needs to get his shit together. [Page Six]
• Breaking: Neil Diamond cover bands, make kids drink. A lot. [Denver Post]
• Will.I.Am of the Black Eyed Peas gets crazy with naming his new record label. The uber-original choice was will.i.am music. Genius [NME]
• You better hurry up — you're chance to sit within spitting distance of Death Cab For Cutie's front man Ben Gibbard is one day only. [Stereogum]
• Will it ever end? Patrick Swayze entering the rap scene might make us barf in our mouths even more than Kevin Federline's garbage ass chant. [Page Six]
• Our lovely lady lumps are a little humped out, but Black Eyed Peas' Will.I.Am's aren't. He'll keep on goin', even if he has to hump alone. [MTV]
• It seems that Mariah Carey and 50 Cent are a bit less popular overseas. In the UK it's all about the Eminem. [Billboard]
• Ok, really this time. Sean Lennon does not want to date you. That little Page Six stunt was almost as stupid as Gawker's "open comment" policy. [Page Six]
