The best thing about election night, besides Obama winning, natch, was that CNN hologram technology that allowed will.i.am and Jessica Yellin to make many a Star Wars reference while remote-chatting with Wolf Blitzer and Anderson Cooper.
But it turns out our dreams were made of no more than fraud and air: much like Princess Leia's video-taped plea to Obi Wan, the CNN hologram technology was nothing more than the newest piece of movie magic.
CONTINUED »
Sarah Palin bashed Barack Obama, which most pundits didn't expect, or advise. She also lobbed some decent punchlines at the talking head class, and for that, we appreciate her. But how did the folks who are paid to over-analyze these type of things, and who were on the receiving end of her taunts, respond to her words? CONTINUED »
After last night's Democratic presidential debate, CNN anchor Wolf Blitzer "rebuffed a suggestion that he had adopted a more lenient stance after critics charged he was too restrictive at previous debates." Why all the hub-bub? Because Blitzer moderated a veritible free-for-fall among Clinton, Obama, and Edwards. The New York Times Brian Stetler called his style "exceedingly lenient." TVNewser's Steve Krakauer reports he "allowed candidates to interrupt each other and follow up to each other's answers" while "cheers and clapping from the crowd [erupted] throughout every answer."
We watched the debates from the treadmill at the gym on closed caption, so our experience was more like:
What she sai–
said wasnt tru.
We acounnnt for every cingle $
that we pre– propose.
Now this I think is one ov
of
the things that's
happend
during the curse of this campaign.
If Pakistani opposition leader Benazir Bhutto died, she wrote in an email to CNN anchor Wolf Blitzer, "I would hold (Pakistani President Pervez) Musharraf responsible." That email was never supposed to be reported on — except in the event of Bhutto's death. Well, you know how that went. CONTINUED »
Four More Years CNN prez Jonathan Klein has re-upped his contract for another four years. Klein started at CNN in December, 2004, and is best known for making stars out of Anderson Cooper and Wolf Blitzer. Also, he dropped Aaron Brown. [Hollywood Reporter]
• Cartoonists around the country raise their pens, grab their sketchbooks and blast Barry Bonds in angry cerebral comic strip solidarity.
• Congratulations to steroid impresario Jose Canseco, who may have succeeded in effectively ruining professional sports.
• From Idolator: "The next issue of Rolling Stone has as its cover subject High School Musical cutie/frequent Bop subject Zac Efron, who is captured in an awkward pose that looks like he's sheepishly feeling himself up while showing off his Tegan and Sara-inspired haircut."
• O.J. Simpson still having trouble grasping the whole "I owe $38 million to the parents of that guy I murdered" concept.
After days of fighting tooth and nail with CNN, Michael Moore is finally ready to move on and let bygones be bygones. Well, sort of.
You see, Moore isn't exactly used to throwing in the towel, which explains why he's actually not very good at it. And so, when he says he's "willing to move on," what he actually means is, he can't wait to sucker-punch Wolf Blitzer again. Same Bat-time, same Bat-channel.
For those of you who didn't watch the Democratic candidates' New Hampshire debate on CNN last night, here's the 30-second recap:
• Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama talked most, said least.
• However, the Clinton campaign was irrevocably damaged by unfortunate "behind the podium" camera angle
• Meanwhile, Kucinich's waxy, muppet-like visage was extremely disconcerting.
• Almost as disconcerting as having a moderator named "Wolf."
• Apparently no one read the National Intelligence Estimate (on whether Saddam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction) before casting his/her votes back in 2002.
• Obama, however, had a legitimate excuse: he was not a member of the Senate at that time. Moreover, no one had even heard of him prior to 2004.
• John Edwards accused Clinton and Obama of waiting until the last possible moment to declare their opposition to the Iraq funding bill.
• Former Alaska senator, Mike Gravel, was also on the stage.
Best line of the night:
Obama to Edwards, "The fact is that I opposed this war from the start. So you’re about four and a half years late on leadership on this issue.”
But that wasn't all.
Our first instinct: By challenging the vice president on gays having kids, Wolf Blitzer finally grew a pair. Our second instinct: "Wolf Blitzer?" Someone should do the legwork to find out what his birthname was. Our third instinct: Blitzer essentially backed off and apologized for his line of questioning because … Dick Cheney stayed silent. Isn't staying silent, like, the first trick you learn in j-school?
No matter how we look at this, we're just not sure how Katie missed the memo. Because, in the months preceeding her debut as the CBS news anchor, it was pretty much all anyone (i.e. CBS) was talking about. Katie Couric was soon to become the first female to single-handedly anchor a major, primetime news broadcast. It was big news, huge news, even groundbreaking news.
And yet, somehow, the pioneer herself is either (a) just catching on, or (b) trying to milk the story again for all it's worth in a desperate attempt to boost her (third-place) ratings.
From Couric's blog:
The White House invited all the network anchors, and some cable anchors, along with the Sunday political show hosts to a meeting with unnamed VERY senior administration officials. (Obviously I know their names, but the agreement was that in order to attend the meeting, we couldn’t reveal the people who spoke to us.)
Haha, OMG, we totally believe you, Katie! But seriously, please, go on:
And yet, the meeting was a little disconcerting as well. As I was looking at my colleagues around the room—Charlie Gibson, George Stephanopoulos, Brian Williams, Tim Russert, Bob Schieffer, Wolf Blitzer, and Brit Hume—I couldn’t help but notice, despite how far we’ve come, that I was still the only woman there. Well, there was some female support staff near the door. But of the people at the table, the “principals” in the meeting, I was the only one wearing a skirt. Everyone was gracious, though the jocular atmosphere was palpable.
As Intern Wendy will have you know, it's been a string of doozies for the cable network chattering class. With this election thing going down, it seems all they can talk about is politics. Well, except on Nancy Grace, where nothing close to reality is ever discussed.
• "In fact, if ever find bin Laden, put in a room with Naomi, justice will be served. She’ll end up in a burka and he’ll be dead." Michael Musto, betting Naomi Campbell could beat Osama bin Laden senseless, Countdown, October 26
• "Studying the masturbation habits of old men? . . . What about Vietnamese hookers? Do you have a problem with those? . . . What about transvestite Eskimos. Is there a single one in your district?" Tucker Carlson, asking the questions voters really care about, Tucker, October 26
• "Well, Gloria Allred, it's a good thing that here in America, just because someone disapproves of your lifestyle, they can`t boot you out of country, huh? … I frankly think you would have been gone a long time ago, Gloria." Nancy Grace, planning to send Gloria Allred to the Bahamas, Nancy Grace, October 26
• "If you are a serious journalist, you want to report the news. Sometimes the news is good, sometimes the news isn't so good." Wolf Blitzer, explaining to Lynne Cheney why he doesn't work for Fox News, The Situation Room, October 27
• "I sometimes listen to Don Imus in the morning on the grounds that, whatever is going to happen to me during the day, it can't be as bad as what's been said about me first thing in the morning while I'm shaving." Dick Cheney, revealing why Don Imus has job security at MSNBC, Your World With Neil Cavuto, October 30
• "It's like a telethon without a disease." Jack Cafferty, pondering Wolf Blitzer's marathon election coverage, The Situation Room, October 30
You know how Wolf Blitzer comes off as kind of an idiot? Well, that's not just happenstance. He really isn't quite the sharp minded journalist CNN boasts him as. (Then again, as Intern Wendy knows, none of them really are.) He actually falls for the tales told by pranksters who call into his show.
Notorious impersonator Thomas Cipriano called the show yesterday at 4 pm, posing at Wendy Hutchens from California, and told Blitzer that she had detailed conversations with John Mark Karr about the death of Jon Benet Ramsey. Blitzer ate it up.
"Wendy Hutchens is joining us on the phone right now," Blitzer told viewers. "Wendy, thanks very much for doing this. Tell our viewers how you got involved with John Mark Karr." In a husky voice that kept changing register, the fake Wendy explained that she met Karr through a relative.
Blitzer pushed on, and Cipriano finally told the host that Howard Stern told Karr to kill JonBenet. (So creepy, right?!) Blizter responded
"All right. Well, that sounds like we've just been Howard Sterned, as they say."
What kind of sicko makes jokes about the tragic murder of a little girl? Whatever, at least he didn't call Nancy Grace . She may have actually started moaning in her chair.
JonBenet prankster blitzes Wolf [Lloyd Grove, Lowdown]
Intern Wendy totally hearts her non-paid internship. And why not? Can you think of a better way to spend your time than listening to Larry King wax on about his knowledge of film or taking in the invaluable proverbs of Nancy Grace as she talks about how killers killed spring break?
We couldn't if we tried. Wendy's got this week's top quotes for your laughing pleasure — it's ok, go ahead, make fun of your primetime newscasters. Just tell the guy in the cubicle next to you that you're drunk.
• "So this Frist thing here is kissing your sister." —Chris Matthews, Hardball, March 10
• "A dictatorship, D-I-C-T-A-T-O-R-ship?" —Showing he can spell as well as count, —Keith Olbermann, Countdown, March 10
• "A head is going to run between $550 to $900. One hand on the market here is worth $350 to $850. Each leg costs between $700 and $1,000. And each foot runs anywhere from $200 to $400." —Rita Cosby, Live and Direct, March 13
• "I've got a cat on my head." — Tucker Carlson, The Situation March 14
• "Hey, get over it and just eat a slab of ribs in dreamland." Having no empathy for manorexia, Joe Scarborough, Scarborough Country, March 14
• "What's wrong for you is not wrong for your neighbor if he or she doesn't think his or her actions are wrong." Explaining why he's always right, Bill O'Reilly, The O'Reilly Factor, March 15
• "There's nothing to kill a spring break tourism season like announcing you've got a serial killer killing women." — Nancy Grace, Nancy Grace, March 16
• "Stock up on tuna and powdered milk." Sharing his anti-bird flu diet plan, Wolf Blitzer, The Situation Room, March 16
• "Well, I think I saw him today in the makeup department of Duane Reade." —Nancy Grace revealing the latest Michael Jackson sighting, Nancy Grace, March 16
• Uncle Buck is one of the funniest movies ever made." —Larry King, Proving he prepped for his interview with Macauley Culkin, Larry King Live, March 16
More to chew on from our most quotable nightly news spewers, courtesy of Intern Wendy. Happy Friday lunch hour.
• "It's terrifying. It makes me rethink my life." —Tucker Carlson (on how agreeing with Chris Matthews scares him shitless), Hardball, March 3.
• "FOX security. Hannity and Colmes come to your house with billy clubs." —Keith Olbermann, on FOX hunting down crank callers for Bill O'Reilly, Countdown, March 3.
• "That does not mean, though, that I want to go see movies that claim that the CIA is in bed with fat, ugly Texas oilmen." — Joe Scarborough, Scarborough Country, March 6.
• "After all the things, the Nazi uniform — you think that was just a style thing?" —Rita Cosby (playing fashionista for Darryl Littlejohn) Live and Direct, March 8.
• "There's a difference between organized religion and a belief that — for example, I know you look at — just if you look at universes within universes, the planets, the stars, gravity, and Howard Stern, and people in the animal kingdom." — Sean Hannity trying to convince Howard Stern there is a God, Hannity and Colmes, March 8.
• "Well, everybody's taller than you are. You're not very tall." Jack Cafferty to Wolf Blitzer, The Situation Room, March 8.
• "And then there's Internet porn. That will keep you watching." — Keith Olbermann, Countdown, March 9.
• "Was there sperm? That`s what I'm asking." Nancy Grace, Nancy Grace, March 9.
The reverberations of Aaron Brown's ousting at CNN is still being felt through the network — but you already knew that. It's early, and we're struggling to write ledes here.
You also know CNN president Jonathan Klein got rid of Brown to make room for his new superstar Anderson Cooper. But let's not forget about Wolf Blitzer — and how can you when him and those TV screens practically take over your afternoon.
Mr. Klein said the moves were made chiefly to elevate the profiles of the two news figures whose popularity has been growing at CNN, Mr. Cooper and Mr. Blitzer.
"We want to expose Anderson and Wolf to more people," Mr. Klein said.
That is, three hours already dedicated to Wolf aren't exposure enough? We're just not sure how much more you can raise his profile without flicking on some of those video monitors to cover the two hottie blog reporters, but hey, CNN doesn't do sensationalization.
Situation Room maestro Wolf Blitzer just can't get over this 92-year-old woman who celebrated her birthday by .. skydiving!
In other 92-year-old-related news, Rosa Parks is dead. Not so celebratory now, are we Wolf?
Somehow a silly (likely minor) accident involving an SUV on West 39th Street was a big enough story to warrant coverage on Wolf Blitzer's The Situation Room.
Because if the same thing happened in Camden, Arkansas, we're sure Wolf would've been on top of it. Media-fucking-centrics.
But we're sure glad they're making use of all those video screens over there.
Media outlets around the world are fending off a computer virus attacking computers running (what else?) Microsoft operating systems.
Already there are reports of system crashes in North America, Europe and Asia. Probably Africa too, but the news media are too busy ignoring Darfur and the AIDS epidemic to file a report on something as mundane as a computer virus.
Among those hit were offices on Capitol Hill, which is in the midst of August recess, and media organizations, including CNN, ABC and The New York Times. The Caterpillar Co. in Peoria, Illinois, reportedly also had problems.
Oh god, not Caterpillar! The bulldozers are crashing folks, and watch out for the Microsoft-powered wrecking ball.
Thankfully, the good folks in Redmond are taking this seriously. Well, seriously-ish, because most of them are busy spending their dividends.
The director of Microsoft's security response center, Debbie Fry Wilson, said the computer giant was in an "emergency response" mode. "Right now, we're mobilizing our two war rooms," she told CNN.
Two war rooms?! This is worthy of at least one screen on Wolf Blitzer's The Situation Room.
(Scary looking computer warning image that tells the story better than we did, courtesy CNN.com.)
We've been so busy keeping up with all of Rita Cosby's "Exclusives! Rita Gets It!" that we've barely had time to check in with CNN's latest news show incarnation, Wolf Blitzer's The Situation Room.
And without extra staff, we're forced to turn to our friends at Slate to figure out what the hell as those video monitors are for (are they screening Elizabethtown during commercial breaks?).
There's a lot of Terminator-style graphics pulsating around the edges of the screens, as digital clocks tick off the exact time in different parts of the world. In Vienna, Austria, it's 11:03:01 a.m.! In Crawford, Texas, it's 2:03:25 p.m.! Stuff is happening in different time zones, and we here in The Situation Room plan to glancingly refer to at least some of it!
Super duper stuff. And we're sure it's getting the exact reaction Jonathan Klein was looking for.
Editorial Director
