Behold, an article of great importance in Saturday's Chicago Sun-Times:
What really thrills me, what really feels liberating in a very personal way, is the official new prominence of Michelle Obama. The president-elect's better half not only has stature but is statuesque. She has coruscating intelligence, beauty, style and — drumroll, please — a butt. (Yes, you read that right: I'm going to talk about the first lady's butt.)
Totally not-offensive article continued, after the jump.
Prince, with his frilly silk shirts and high heel everything, has long been the victim of speculation about his sexuality, and his libido-infused party jams have helped acquire the Minnesota-born musician a devoted gay fan base. So you can imagine our surprise upon learning that the Purple One, who has for several years been an outspoken Jehovah's Witness, went on a homophobic rant during a recent interview with the New Yorker, saying that, in the past, God came down and wiped out homosexual activity.
AFTER Lynne Wu moved to New York from Cincinnati, she realized her body wasn’t prepared for the sheer amount of pavement-pounding required in her adopted city.
“At the end of the day my lower back and ankles would hurt,” said Ms. Wu, 40, a development consultant for nonprofit organizations. “I just wasn’t used to walking that much.”
Ms. Wu discussed her problem with her former yoga teacher in Ohio, who made an unusual suggestion: why not take walking lessons?
Why not? BECAUSE YOU'RE FUCKING 40 YEARS OLD, LYNNE WU!!!!!!
If you take walking lessons, the terrorists win.
BREAKING - "ATF says it has disrupted skinhead plot to assassinate Obama, kill 102 black people."
It's not based on any particular data point. We just wanted to choose a really large number.
-A Treasury spokeswoman, on where the $700 billion bailout figure came from
From the second half of Katie Couric's interview with vice-presidential nominee Sarah Palin, airing tonight:
COURIC: You've cited Alaska's proximity to Russia as part of your foreign policy experience. What did you mean by that?
PALIN: That Alaska has a very narrow maritime border between a foreign country, Russia, and on our other side, the land– boundary that we have with– Canada. It– it's funny that a comment like that was– kind of made to– cari– I don't know, you know? Reporters–
COURIC: Mock?
PALIN: Yeah, mocked, I guess that's the word, yeah.
COURIC: Explain to me why that enhances your foreign policy credentials.
PALIN: Well, it certainly does because our– our next door neighbors are foreign countries. They're in the state that I am the executive of. And there in Russia–
COURIC: Have you ever been involved with any negotiations, for example, with the Russians?
PALIN: We have trade missions back and forth. We– we do– it's very important when you consider even national security issues with Russia as Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where– where do they go? It's Alaska. It's just right over the border. It is– from Alaska that we send those out to make sure that an eye is being kept on this very powerful nation, Russia, because they are right there. They are right next to– to our state.
Um, what the hell just happened? No, seriously. I have never been more confused and at a loss for words than I am at this very moment.
I chose to witness the David Blaine Dive of Death from the comfort of my living room instead of trekking over to Central Park to hang out with Crazy Jennifer. The ABC special lasted over two hours — packed with filler and the host's false claims that David had stayed in an upside-down position for 60 hours — and Blaine still couldn't complete his stunt in time. He performed some of his world-famous card tricks, he caught a bullet in (a metal cup in) his mouth, and then he performed the Dive of Death. This DoD was never fully explained, so the DB-hating roommate and I just sat staring at the screen in utter confusion as he dove from a 44-foot-high platform while attached to a harness. He got stuck about halfway down and then was lifted back into the air. This is where things got really weird: The production crew flickered the lights on and off a few times and then cut away from David in the air, claiming he "vanished into the night." And … credits.
Oh yes. It's a bit grainy, but that's definitely vice-presidential nominee Sarah Palin being anointed in 2005 by Thomas Muthee, the scary Kenyan witch hunter we told you about previously whose main claim to fame is running eccentric old ladies out of his town like a damn Miller villain.
As if Times Square wasn't already enough of a glowing, shimmering paragon of excess, with its corporate sponsorships and cheesy chain restaurants, for six days in October (2nd-7th), it's going to become an outsized rec room for eight saddies out to break the record for most consecutive hours spent watching movies.
Yes, the sin of sloth is an actual goal for eight very lonely, very talentless people, all of whom will be subjected to weird testing throughout the 56 movie marathon (titles TBD) to ensure they are in fact watching the films and not just staring at the screen.
Ashish Sharma, who holds the current, shameful record of 120 hours and 23 minutes of movie watching, will be flying over from India in an attempt to maintain his title and win the grand prize: $10,000 and a lifetime subscription to Netflix.
That's good news for the rest of us, as a never ending supply of movies is sure to keep whoever is crowned King Lazy Rat Bastard out of the gene pool for good.
A few weeks ago, the children were freak dancing, presumably with the support of a filming guardian. Today, they're being goaded by an adult into violently berating another little girl who they say is "big in the stomach."
Videos like this always remind me of a great Keanu Reeves quote from 1989's Parenthood:
You know, Mrs. Buckman, you need a license to buy a dog, to drive a car - hell, you even need a license to catch a fish. But they'll let any butt-reaming asshole be a father.
Click through for the NSFW, horrifying clip.
Hey, Meghan McCain, before going on national television and saying things like "No one knows what war is like other than my family—period," here's some stuff you should have considered.
Even the critics can see the books are dying. Only 76.5 percent of book critics think it's never ethical to review a book without reading the whole thing. We would have hoped that 100 percent of them would think reading the whole thing is important.
Then we tried to get through the National Book Critics Circle’s blog post about ethics in book criticism and we saw where the other 23.5 percent was coming from.
Last night we finally picked up the New Yorker. Jonathan Lethem’s story was weird, and frankly if the New Yorker didn’t run an excerpted version of Fortress of Solitude, which admittedly made us cry back then, there’s no way, no way, it would have gotten into this issue.
Lizzie Widdicombe had another classic Talk of the Town piece. Just because she’s good doesn’t mean we resent her any less for regularly publishing in the New Yorker 18 months after graduating Harvard.
And Malcolm Gladwell was back to his pre-Tipping Point days in his piece on I.Q. tests. In other words, we enjoyed him again. But apparently we were mistaken. CONTINUED »
So, like everybody else with a basic understanding of the internet, we understand that convenience is often more important than privacy. In the case of Gmail, all that storage is worth the fact that Google reads our email for ads. It’s a bit awkward when relationship advice ads pop up on the side of emails with boyfriends, but whatever. CONTINUED »
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