Looking to "Ruin Romo" for inspiration, the most asshole-y of Blue Jays fans enjoyed torturing Alex Rodriguez as the Yankees played the Toronto team up north over the weekend. To their credit, they did not use the scariest of all Madonna photos. [Mollygood]
Playing With Heat: Studly left-hander Andy Pettitte has decided to put off retirement to pitch for the New York Yankees in 2008. The 35 year-old Baton Rouge, Louisiana native's triumphant return to pinstripes is exceedingly good news for both the Yankees management, and for a certain Jossip editor, who's had an unrequited crush on Pettite (despite his rather unfortunate-looking Wikipedia picture) since circa 1995.
[For the record, the other Jossip editor registers her dissent, describing the comely/talented Pettitte as, "Not unhot, but not my type."]
"World Series 2007 Ratings Average Second-Lowest In Televised History!" proclaims TVWeek. Which is to say the number of people across the country tuning in to see the Red Sox overtake the Colorado Rockies was the lowest of any World Series ever, with the exception of last year.
Say, anyone else see that amusing piece in The Onion thanking A-Rod for selflessly waiting until the last game of the World Series to announce that he's opted out of his contract with the Yankees, thereby saving devout baseball fans from the humdrum of another yawn-inducing October?
And here we thought that was supposed to be social satire.
Unless your name is Rudy Giuliani, you'll agree it's been a shitty week for Yankees fans. Last night, you watched (or, more likely, consciously didn't watch) the Red Sox easily overtake the Colorado Rockies in a 4-game World Series sweep. And you also may have heard the news that A-Rod has opted out of his contract with the Yanks, presumably to play for a team where the fans don't hate him despite record-breaking seasons and the newspaper don't chronicle his (allegedly) adulterous behavior. So to help ease the pain, here are pictures of baseball hottie Jacoby Ellsbury.
Sure, he plays for the other team—but there''s no harm in fantasizing about what he looks after that heinous uniform comes off, now is there? Besides, haven't you ever heard the term "sleeping with the enemy?"
Have you heard? Rudy "Flip-Flop" Giuliani was recently outed as a dirty politician who'll say or do anything (even root against his precious New York Yankees) for a vote. And the Daily News has proof!
• Presidential hopeful (and devout Yankees fan) Rudy Giulani recently admitted he's rooting for the Red Sox in the World Series. If the man can't maintain a firm stance on baseball teams, how can we trust that he'll stick to his avid pro-choice agenda?
• Disappointed Kelly Rowland fans are tersely informed that there will be no concert or ticket refunds. Then again, hadn't they already essentially thrown their money in the trash by purchasing tix to a Kelly Rowland concert in the first place?
• Jemma Ward is neither Chinese nor Indian, yet she was on the cover for the premiere issues of both Vogue China and Vogue India. That girl is fierce.
• Lindsay Lohan is a living, breathing testament to the fact that nothing cures long-term drug abuse and chronic alcoholism like dirty rehab sex and covert pill-popping.
• Kevin Federline's lawyer says Brit will regain visitation rights soon. He then quickly undermined his point by murmuring under his breath, "Assuming she doesn't blow it. Again."
• And speaking of the latter, Britney accidentally-on-purpose runs over a TMZ photographer's foot.
• "Trek" film casts its Kirk and McCoy; nobody cares except for your nerdy neighborhood IT guy.
• Hillary Clinton's ahead in the polls? Who could have predicted that? Besides, well, everybody?
• Actor Jean-Claude Van Damme is 47, contrary to popular belief that he's actually dead.
• A currently jobless Joe Torre politely rejects George Steinbrenner's enticing offer of a paycut.
Just be glad our city isn't home to the Indians, alright?
Over the years, many people have accused the Yankees as being a faceless corporation devoid of camaraderie whose players are merely individual agents bought and sold as financial entities. Those people were clearly not at wunderkind pitcher Joba Chamberlain's 22nd birthday party last week. [Queerty]
The Yankees may have taken the last two games in a clutch series against the first-place Boston Red Sox but the wet blankets over at the New York Times are warning baseball fans not to start celebrating just yet.
An amusing (and slightly overreaching) article in today's Times is claiming that "pesky and distracting squirrel that scampered up and down the right-field foul pole during [Tuesday night's] game…just might have foretold that the Yankees will not prevail over the Red Sox this season."
Confused? Sounds like you need to brush up on your archaic Norse mythology!
Two days after legendary player/announcer Phil Rizzuto's death, the Yankees are back to doing what the do best: annoying the hell out of the rest of the country.
Moments after the New York Yankees continued a month-long stretch that has seen them climb from the bottom of the AL East to pull within a once unfathomable four games of the first-place Red Sox by defeating the Baltimore Orioles Monday night, stunned and enraged baseball fans across America took a moment to shake their heads in disbelief and curse dejectedly at the relentless inevitability of Yankee glory.
The Yankees, coming off a decisive three-game sweep of the Central-leading Indians, have won nine out of their last 10 games, catapulting them to the top of the wild-card standings, restoring the team's infuriating confidence, and instilling a sinking sense of impending misery among all non-Yankee fans.
Tennis, anyone?
To get us interested in sports, you're gonna need to throw a doping or dog fighting scandal at us — and maybe we'll flinch. Unless, of course, you're the New York Yankees and you're trying to unload your in-house broadcast network that, when it launched, you touted as the pitcher's meow. Now Fortune cutie Tim Arango and fellow byliner Jon Birger break news that the YES Network is being shopped around, even if all parties involved won't own up to it.
Co-owners Goldman Sachs and former New Jersey Nets owner Ray Chambers are looking to dump their shares and cash out, while the Yankees, supposedly want to keep playing ball with their 36 percent share. But with the asking price somewhere in the neighborhood of $3-3.5 billion, that new $1.2 billion stadium to pay for (less the city's subsidies), plus that expensive roster of players they insist on maintaining, perhaps selling off is the only viable option. And potential bidders like Comcast, for sure, would love to add it to their line-up of extra fees to charge you with.
• Because, really, what is a Yankees game without beer, hot dogs, overpriced baseball paraphernalia and a ridiculously fat, tumbling drunk man.
• New York City schools work hard (but covertly!) at preventing Asians from getting "too smart."
• Rich Manhattan doctor helps poor Bronx residents.
• Rapper Remmy Ma was arrested for possible murder charges. When asked for comment, she supposedly replied, "Lean back, cause I ain't eva wry, see Im foreva glory, smackin' up any chick in mah territory."
• We found one bus route that we'll never, ever ride.
• Who says cheating never pays off? The Bronx Bombers go 9-2 following news of A-Rod's adultery. Related: Knicks' coach Isaiah Thomas to announce that his entire starting five just finished gang-banging a stripper in the team locker room.
• The 50th Puerto Rican Day Parade yielded only 80 arrests this year, or—as officials like to call it—nearly 80 times the number of arrests made at the Thanksgiving Day parade.
• Being named "Osama" is really hard. Then again, so is living in Staten Island.
• It's the classic star-crossed lovers tale: A businessman gets his heart broken…so he butchers his ex-girlfriend and leaves a dildo on her back.
• Wealthy white people/trust fund hipsters are ruining Williamsburg's ethnic diversity, Related: Starving artists actually starving, malnourished.
It's one thing to watch Glenn Beck totally fawn over Alex Rodriguez to make you want to reach for glass shards to decorate your carotid artery.
It's another thing entirely for A-Rod to accept the title of "good guy" and talk about "hard word, dedication, and staying out of trouble," being a "husband and father" and the "tremendous joy" he sees watching his "baby girl" "educate her mind" in light of recent events.
• NYC taxis to be outfitted with Global Positioning System technology; drivers declare it the ""worst thing to happen since Taxicab Confessions."
• The "Subway Hero" was honored at City Hall yesterday; Guy who fell on the tracks wishes this would all "just go away."
• Vincent "Vinny Gorgeous" Basciano fined $5.4 million for racketeering charges and "not living up to his name."
• New drug to target canine obesity; dog to replace Anna Nicole Smith as new TrimSpa spokesmodel.
• Yankees to unload Randy "I Used to Be Good" Johnson on the Arizona Diamondbacks in exchange for four mediocre players and a pair of snakeskin boots.
• Woman searches for love on the internet; finds only unfulfilling friendship with unphotogenic guy named "Rose."
Gotta' give it to the New York Times: they love their graphics. Sure we've had celebrity graphics, diagrams about PR and publicists …. and now we have the "how Cory Lidle crashed his plane" graphic.
We opened it and clicked through all the steps … and it's actually more confusing than helpful. But whatever we can do to help you waste your time, well, that's what we'll do. We're sure by now you've seen the insane amount of coverage over this tragic event, so, we're not going to spend our whole day talking about it.
On the off chance that Jann Wenner is spotted with his baby or a fight breaks out on the set of Lost, we want to be there to cover it.
An update on the Upper East Side plane crash: New Yankees pitcher Cory Lidle is said to be the owner of the plane and rumored to be among the four confirmed dead. His passport was found on the street below, as were two bodies, with one body strapped into an airplane seat. Thus far, four deaths and 11 injured. Lidle most recently played in the Tigers playoff game.
• Who wouldn't want to see a show called "Eat Out New York." Sure, she's dirty and kind of smells, but she's always up, and has an ass that won't quit. [NYP]
• Like we said, she kind of smells. Especially when she's visiting mom and pop in Staten Island. [Gothamist]
• When a salon owner dies, normally nobody notices. Unless its in the celeb happy land of Tribeca. [NYO]
• Oh, yeah. This city has sports, too. So, the Yankees broke ground, protesters find a reason to wake up in the morning. [NYT]
• The largest New York grant ever is going to Brooklyn. Don't say this city never did anything for Sunset Park. [NYP]
• Met fans have yet another reason to hate the Yankees — they're now the "Bronx Billionaires." [NYP]
• There was a crazy runaway horse on Broadway. No, it wasn't Julia Roberts. [NYDN]
• The hawks now official join Jennifer Aniston and Demi Moore in the "can't reproduce" category. [NYT]
• Children in playgrounds might have to deal with swings breaking, duct tape holding pieces together, heads getting stuck in weird places, and even urine … but nothing prepares you for the real world like the streets of NYC. [Metro]
• We thought there was a little more space on the 6 train last weekend. [amNY]
Editorial Director
