Vacation's over, but the tabs have yet to recover from their holiday hangovers. It's a sad day when pictures of Katherine Heigl's wedding excite us.

With all the celebrity diet "exclusives," Intern Whitney was happy to see Brangelina on the cover of Life & Style. The mag takes their stalking abilities to the next level, monitoring their family's daily habits with a time chart. Ground breaking work, for sure.

Star has resorted to more ugly pictures of celebrities to make you feel better about yourself, and the mag also teases us with the idea of a Britney and Jamie Lynn crazy house! We'd go. Other great ideas: Making Mischa Barton the godmother of your child, finding love via public restrooms and proposing to a Kardashian. What a week.

Us Weekly
Cover: Diets that work for 2008. Us gives us the scoop on all the latest diets that will make everyone skinny this year, like portion control, eating fewer carbs and going on Weight Watchers. Ah, the more things change, the more they stay the same.
• The Jessica Simpson backlash continues: Her latest movie, Blonde Ambition, was a dud. Color us shocked! We're not film producers, but releasing the movie only in Texas, where the Cowboys fans are blaming her for the team's recent loss and their own childlike obsession with football, was probably not the best idea.
• Mischa Barton was arrested for DUI, driving without a valid license and possession of marijuana and a controlled substance. And sources reveal that Nicole Richie wanted to make Mischa the godmother of her baby. Good choice, Nic!

In Touch
Cover: Slim for the new year! Again! If you've read one of these covers, then you've read them all: Stay away from fatty foods, get a workout buddy, eat lots of veggies, stop eating away your daddy issues, blah blah blah
• Now that Jamie Lynn is stealing some of her thunder, Britney's desperate for attention. She's having trysts with the paparazzi! She changes outfits throughout the day! She tours public restrooms! Um, In Touch? She was doing all this stuff before Jamie Lynn stole her white trash thunder. Maybe read all your issues from 2007 for a refresher.
• Lindsay Lohan feels betrayed because her ex, Riley Giles, is selling secrets of their sex life to the tabloids. Here's an idea, Linds: Stop dating losers whose sole income is your "sexy" pose.

Life & Style
Cover: At home with the Jolie-Pitts — it's everything we ever hoped for, and more. Brad gets up at 5 a.m. to take care of the kids while Angie sleeps off her hangover. The day is spent with motorcycle rides for Brad and walks in the garden for Angie. Yawn. Wake us up when Shiloh has been found. Oh, wait: L&S spotted Shiloh for the first time in 76 days. It's a Christmas miracle.
• Britney's got a new man — a photographer who has been stalking her for months! The two met when Brit was in a public restroom and asked the guy to get her a tampon. Ah, young love.
• Not to be outdone by Fergie or Jessica Alba, Kim Kardashian got engaged on Christmas Day to football star Reggie Bush. He proposed in front of the entire family, because he knows family is important to her. He went on to add, "And by family, I mean the camera crew."

Star
Cover: Before they had stylists: Star actually uses the words "hippy dippy" and "frumpy dumpy" to describe Brad and Angelina pre-makeovers. There are lots of ugly pictures of celebs from back in the day, but and we've seem them all.
• Hills (soon-to-be-televised) drama! Heidi and Audrina have called a truce and are now bonding over their hatred for Lauren. "LC is 'crazy' and 'difficult,'" says to Audrina. But how can we trust either of them? Heidi was engaged to Spencer and Audrina dated Justin Bobby.
• Brit wants Jamie Lynn to move in with her so the two sisters can raise their babies together in California. The responsible side of us hopes this doesn't happen, but how awesome would that be? Brit's wanted a daughter and Jamie Lynn is expecting a girl, so win-win!

OK!
Cover: Katherine Heigl's dream wedding: It's actually very pretty and classy, minus the fact that they sold all their wedding stuff to OK!
• Jamie Lynn is defending her mom — yep, the same mom who sold out her dignity for $1 million and produced the train wreck known as Britney Spears. JL insists Mama Spears is Mother of the Year, and who could argue with her?
• OK! wonders if this is the end of American Idol: Probably not, but the producers are pulling out all the stops to make sure they keep bringing in viewers. We are just hoping for the return of Sanjaya … after watching Brit at the VMAs, he seems like a breath of fresh air.