Heath Ledger had the audacity to die right after the tabloids closed this week’s issues. Talk about rude. But some other actor died recently, and some of the magazines decided he was worth a mention. Janice Min even went so far as to dig up some background info on this “Brad Renfro” character.

In place of actual news, we get the usual: Britney continues to be crazy, Scientology continues to be creepy and Jessica Simpson continues her romantic losing streak.

Jamie Lynn is also back in the spotlight this week, and Star and Life & Style managed to create the exact same cover featuring Brit’s little sister. Coincidence? Intern Whitney thinks not.

Us Weekly
Cover: Pretending to be over the whole Britney and Lindsay movement, Us features a 12-page spread on Hollywood’s young stars who can do no wrong, including Vanessa Hudgens. You know, the one who took naked pictures of herself that ended up all over the Internet? She’s a mini-Lindsay, Us, and don’t try to convince us otherwise.
• Someone else died this week besides Heath Ledger, and Janice Min eloquently sums it up for us: “When I heard that Brad Renfro died, I struggled to recall who he was. But then it came back: He played Brad Pitt’s character as a boy in Sleepers. … Our staff then got to work reconstructing how a brilliant career fell apart so fast.” Is she available to give the eulogy at his funeral?
• Us is just now finding out about some trip Brit took to an elementary school a couple weeks ago, so they felt the urge to give us the “exclusive.” Better late than never, right? So Brit showed up at the school, claiming to be picking up her kids, then saying she was actually picking up her new attorney’s kids. Which would be plausible if her attorneys didn’t hate her. And if she weren’t Britney Spears.

In Touch
Cover: Britney shops naked, speaks in a British accent and tells a homeless man he’s better off than her. But she insists she’s not crazy, y’all! In Touch, along with the rest of the world disagrees, and even goes so far as to compare her to Amy Winehouse. “Is Amy her inspiration?” the mag asks. The proof: She wore her hair on top of her head to look like Amy’s famous beehive and they both wore bras in public. The evidence is undeniable.
• Kirstie Alley goes out on a limb, defending more famous crazy Scientologist Tom Cruise in the wake of the leaked YouTube videos. “Tom is a great, passionate, caring guy,” Kirstie says. Sounds like she’s speaking from the same script Katie Holmes used last week when she made her talk show rounds.
• Here’s a good idea: Denise Richards is planning a reality show with her two daughters. Because nothing promotes a healthy upbringing like having cameras in your children’s faces. Just ask the Spears clan.

Life & Style
Cover: Round I of the pastel pink Jamie Lynn cover story: The normal-by-default Spears sister has reportedly been partying all night and putting her baby in danger (sounds like someone’s taking lessons from Brit).
• “Did Katie steal Suri’s coat?” L&S asks while presenting two pictures of the Cruise ladies in identical red coats. Oh, man. That’s a tough call. The jackets look so much alike, it’s definitely plausible. Except — oh, wait — Katie is 10 times bigger than Suri.
• Oh, the pitfalls of not being a dead A-lister: Brad Renfro’s fatal overdose was deemed worthy of a paragraph stashed on the corner of page 43, deeming his untimely death “tragic.” For next week’s issue, look forward to a 10-page spread on Heath Ledger’s life and the dangers of drugs and other unhealthy addictions.

Star
Cover: Round two of the pastel pink Jamie Lynn cover story: The mom-to-be has decided to give up her baby so she can continue in her mission to become just as annoying and crazy as big sister Brit. And who better to raise the child than Lynne Spears, who is responsible for America’s favorite train wrecks? Hey, someone’s got to watch the little accident while Jamie Lynn continues to be the family cash cow.
• Pass the tissues to Intern Whitney: Lance Bass is moving back to Beverly Hills so he can shack up with his hairstylist boyfriend. The former *NSync member was initially wishy-washy about the relationship, but now he is telling friends he doesn’t want to be without him. Was it something she said, Lance or just the fact that she is a she?
• Here’s a fun coincidence: Karen Castrischer, one of Brad Renfro’s former assistants, is cashing in on the actor’s death by selling her story to Star. She discusses the morning she took him to audition for a role in The Patriot – he was so strung out from being drunk and high for 24 hours he didn’t get the job. The role instead went to Heath Ledger. Awkward/

OK!
Cover: K-Fed is worried that the two kids he shares with Britney have inherited her “crazy gene.” Sean, the older of the two boys, cries whenever he sees Brit on TV and has picked up her British accent. What’s the emoticon for raised eyebrows? Kevin was even enraged at the kids’ diet, saying, “If she sends them back once more with orange Cheetos fingers, I’m gonna lose it!” Dude, just be glad she fed them.
• Dallas Cowboys fans rejoice: Tony Romo has dumped Jessica Simpson. Maybe. In an effort to win back the quarterback, Jess flew to Texas and accompanied him on a hunting trip to prove she’s no diva. When Tony asked her to move to Texas to be with him, she refused, saying L.A. has the best shoe stores and her hairstylist lives there. Nope, no diva here.
• “Repeat Offenders” feature certain items that stars reach for again and again: Hilary (no extra L in her name, OK!) Duff’s earrings, Kirsten Dunst’s sunglasses, Pete Wentz’s hoodie, Hayden Panettiere’s boots and the tabloid’s Brangelina cover stories. OK, we might have added that last one ourselves.