We’ll admit it: We miss Crazy Britney. Not that we don’t want her to get better and have a huge comeback — we do. But this in-between stage is really boring, and we’re not sure how to handle it. The tabloids are obviously feeling our pain, as they choose to either ignore her or report ridiculously over-the-top stories about how she’s carrying a paparazzi fetus. Go easy on the mags; they’re still learning how to cope.

In other news, babies are everywhere — from Brit and Brangelina to Kate Hudson and Katie Holmes. And, as you may have heard, J.Lo delivered her twins recently. As you can imagine, she was a complete sweetheart during the delivery process.

Also this week: Speidi keeps popping up, Kirsten sets a rehab deadline and Barack tries to snag the highly-coveted tabloid vote.

Us Weekly
Cover: The showdown that never was: Brangelina and Jen were scheduled to meet up at an Oscars party, and evidently Jen (and every tabloid in America) was way too invested in it. When Brad and Angie didn’t show, Jen was crushed. Don’t be so hard on yourself, Jen. Debuting your baby bump in front of thousands of paparazzi is time-consuming.
• Heidi Montag has a new story for everybody: This week, she has decided she didn’t even like her latest single, “Higher,” in the first place. It “wasn’t the sound I wanted as an artist. … The new stuff is so much better!” So, naturally, she fired her producer. Still no word on whether she’s fired boyfriend Spencer Pratt.
• Not to be outdone by Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama sits through an interview with Us. He’s very likable, but he comes across like he’s trying too hard at times — come on, he’s actively participating in a five-page tabloid spread. We can’t be too hard on him, though. Those Us readers really will decide the election. All 10 of them.

In Touch
Cover: Brangelina: “Yes, they’re getting married!” In Touch declares. Uh, did anyone ask? As expected, the mag is ecstatic over the news, even though this is a story every other week. This time it’s legit, though, because Angie doesn’t want the children taken away from Brad if anything were to happen to her. How romantic.
• We’ll come right out and say it: Jamie Lynn was an accident, y’all. Road Kill Willie’s back (!!!) to talk about how dad Jamie demanded a DNA test to make sure he was Jamie Lynn’s father. Oh, the drams. We don’t care about any of that — we’re just glad to see RKW back in action. We missed you and your trailer poses. Never leave us again.
• More Spears news, this time coming from Britney’s former assistant Kalie, who served over a year ago. She only survived three months, but during that time she was contacted by Sam Lutfi, who claimed to be a private investigator working for K-Fed. He had her meet him at Starbucks (of course), where he proceeded to ask “stalkerish questions.” This makes absolutely no sense, but we believe it.

Life & Style
Cover: Britney looks preggers! Well, duh. You don’t get six-pack abs from stuffing your face with cheetos and Red Bull. Sources are claiming Adnan still visits Brit and the two disappear to have sex while dad Jamie awkwardly waits. Poor Jamie Spears. First he has to be on Britney watch 24/7, which we assume is like being in charge of 19 infants, and now he has to acknowledge the fact that his daughter sleeps with a guy who sports a landing strip on his chin.
• Heidi and Spencer return with that horrendous Valentine’s Day video in which Spence “surprised” Heidi with a new pair of shoes. The store where he purchased the shoes issued a statement saying the pair had gone in together to buy the shoes before V-Day. Interesting. But Heidi looked genuinely surprised!
• Here’s a shock: Jessica Alba is freaking out about getting fat during her pregnancy. A friend says it’s normal for her to be hitting the gym hardcore — even during her third trimester: “Her body is what helps make her a star.” Uh, speak for yourself. We know Alba for her tremendous acting skills.

Star
Cover: Britney is preggers again — according to Star, so take this with a grain of salt — and Adnan, of course, is the father. Britney’s hoping for a little girl and is overjoyed at the thought of being pregnant so she can stick it to Jamie Lynn for stealing her thunder. And Adnan is happy, too: “He’s talked for years about knocking up a rich girl.” Aim high.
• J.Lo was a diva in the delivery room. (We can’t believe it either.) Apparently Jennifer kicked out other moms in the maternity ward and then kept neighbors up all night with her post-labor celebration. Those other moms need to stop complaining — they’re lucky to be breathing the same air as J.Lo. If they don’t like it, they should have scheduled their babies’ delivery dates for another time.
• Kirsten Dunst is treating rehab like a responsible adult: She’s set a deadline for herself, and she plans to race through the program in order to meet it. Good plan. Kirsten is slated to begin filming a new movie in April, and she wants to be sober and out of rehab by then. This can only end well.

OK!
Cover: Is Katie pregnant? Who brought TomKat into the mix? This week was supposed to strictly be Angie and Britney baby news. OK! must not have gotten the memo. Anyway, the answer is no. But Katie hopes to have a bun in the oven soon “so she can buy stylish new maternity clothes.” Good reasoning.
• Kate Hudson was snapped after enjoying a big meal, and now the whole world is convinced she has a baby bump. OK! decides to investigate potential baby daddies, and their roundup includes ex-husband Chris Robinson, Owen Wilson and Dax Shephard. We have nominated Justin Timberlake, because he is the most outrageous choice and would create the best-looking child. See? We’re learning.
• Start reverting back to childhood now: OK! has declared My Little Pony to be “sizzling” this week. The mag warns us to “look out for celebrity-designed and special edition ponies.” And with that, OK! has revealed its average reader age to be 8. Which seems to be pretty accurate.