While fingering Us Weekly for going three weeks in a row fingering the mistakes of others is still good fun, the other tabloids have different things on their mind. Or not.

As we learn from Intern Joseph's salt licking of this week's celebrity glossies, there's little out there besides what Reader's Digest is printing about Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. So let's get to it.

Angelina Wanted Brad's Sperm, Pre-Divorce
(Pictured: Us Weekly's coverage)

Us Weekly: The Wenner tabloid speculates that Brad and Angelina conceived Shiloh while Brad was still married – the remaining three pages are about absolutely nothing – in the style that we have grown to love.

In Touch: We've got a two-page (200-word) article-slash-quotefest that somehow tells us exactly what Us Weekly said in four pages. The only difference is that In Touch hardly wrote anything and just used all of Sara Davidson's work in Reader's Digest.

Star: The headline says it all: "Seriously sexy Victoria's Secret model Karolina Kurkova was filling in a Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie Canoli." Mental picture much? This is truly a work of beautiful journalistic imagery. Star gives us exactly what we want in a tabloid: a three page rumor spread, filled with sex . Thanks, Bonnie!

Life & Style: These guys know that all of the other tabs will be reporting the same boring quotes from Jolie picked up from Reader's Digest. That's why they hired a psychologist to analyze her words! While not earth-shattering, we learn that maybe someday soon we will never have to read or hear the name compound Brangelina again, or at least not as a reference to rich pretty people adopting.

OK!: The editors here actually put something in their magazine that people care about! Or, at the very least, they put Brad and Angelina in their magazine, but the article wasn't exactly ASME-worthy. Perhaps it's because this is my fifth time reading the same quotes from Angelina in Reader's Digest … or not: OK! wrote a boring three-pager, when I'm sure they could have filled the space with more Denise Richards.

Elsewhere

The only other story that appears in all the tabs this week is Lindsay Lohan's new man, but who cares about a guy whose name lets you make infinite "Best" and "Worst" puns?

Us Weekly: Janice Min's team picks up the slack with the 2-page Bauer bitchfight. Forgive me, that's all anyone at Jossip will talk about.

In Touch: They're reminding all the middle-aged fat women, who read their magazine on the subway, that they too can be "Thin by Memorial Day." While the Angelina story takes the front page top bar, we also get some more Denise Richards and even a two-page spread on Paris' journey to prison.

Life & Style: A bizarre close-up of Angelina's face graces the cover. Meanwhile, a four-page spread reveals Jessica Simpson may have gotten a boob job. Shocker! Their other sorry excuse for an exclusive cover story is the romance between The Hills' stars Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt. What they neglect to report, which In Touch mentioned, is Heidi's new breasts, nose, and possible Playboy centerfold appearance, which might be a tad more newsworthy.

Star: They're using the Jolie three-way story as their cover, but inside Star has an exclusive preview of Hollywood Life magazine interview with Hilary Duff. Duff confesses that it hurts to see Joel Madden with Nicole Richie together. She also says that she hopes to impress people in her next movie when she plays a European pop star who acts like a little girl. The difference between this and Material Girls? We won't have to look at horse face Haylie act like a little girl.

OK!: Richard Desmond's American tab gives us – yes, I mean it – some real good stuff in this issue. (Well, besides their Kelly Ripa cover story. WTF?) We learn Britney blames Paris for her overall destruction (isn't one of the first steps to recovery taking responsibility for your own actions?) And in a good old fashioned Uncle Joey vs Danny Tanner, Katie Holmes and Nicole Kidman are battling for the love of Nicole and Tom's children-explaining Isabella's new Perez Hilton hair.