The fear of smelling like a Blimpies sub store or getting your period all over yourself is apparently not a "hip" enough reason to buy deodorant or tampons.

Teens today really, really, need music and internet advertising to tap into their personal hygiene needs.

Branding experts say he is onto something. "There's really nothing cool about deodorants or tampons, but music can wrap them with a cloak of hipness," said Michael Watras, president of Straightline International, a New York brand consultant.

Nope, really nothing cool. Nothing cool at all about making sure there isn't blood all over your seat in algebra when you get up to answer the problems on the chalkboard or not being one of the people on the bus that everyone slowly inches away from.

If only Gwen Stefani could somehow make brushing our teeth and wiping our asses cool again, teens wouldn't be so freakin' disgusting anymore.

Trying to Make Teenage Hygiene Hip [Claudia H. Deutsch, New York Times]