Every week, there are so many eventful developments in media and celebrity news that we (almost) can’t keep track of them all! So, for your convenience and ours, we’ve dispatched grabby handy Intern Joseph to remind us exactly what about this week made it so damned special.

• Star Jones was a better role-model back when she was a fatty. Or at least she was more fun to look at.

• Britney Spears and Kevin's custody wars have officially begun. And round one definitely belongs to K-Fed.

• Nicole Kidman's new movie is either a lame-o science fiction snoozer or a metaphor for her relationship with robotic Scientologist ex, Tom Cruise. Either way, it looks terrible.

• Desperate times call for desperate measures as L.A. residents attempt to track down a "missing" Lindsay Blowhan.

• Nickelodeon to limit the amount of Krabby Patties Spongebob can eat. For the sake of the children!

• Mandy Moore tries to pull the old "I'm being ironic and covering a hit song" act, but we're (almost) too smart to fall for it.

• Finally, more evidence that Chinese parents just want to make their childrens' lives miserable.

• Brooke Astor died and all we got was this lousy $200 million.