Every week, there are so many eventful developments in media and celebrity news that we (almost) can’t keep track of them all! So, for your convenience and ours, we’ve dispatched grabby handy Intern Joseph to remind us exactly what about this week made it so damned special.

• OK! Magazine disappointed us for the 2 billionth week in a row. Which is weird, cause our expectations were, like, rock bottom.

• If your friends have stopped taking your calls lately, it probably means that you're The Fat One.

• If you liked Hillary Clinton's knockers, you'll love donating to her campaign!

• For those who question whether the quality of the nightly news is declining, we have two words for you: Katie Couric.

• If the two CNBC hotties ever do slug it out, our money's on the one who has no shame.

• Looks like this month's Allure might actually be worth reading! Okay, fine, it's not. But at least there's free shampoo/conditioner.

• Just in case Barbara Walters didn't already have enough outspoken lesbians—oops, we mean sexually ambiguous bachelorettes.

• Watching Merry Miller is sort of like watching a slightly more disabled Adrianna Curry (the dumb one from ANTM—and yes, that says a lot) conduct an interview.

• Janice Min claims Lindsay Lohan is the next Robert Downey Jr. Which is crazy! After all, what are the odds of Lindsay actually winning a Golden Globe or getting an Oscar nod?

• Did Ian Ziering really think anyone really still cared about little old Steve Sanders?

• Working for gay rags is like some big game of queer fantasy football game. [Ed: We wish!]

• Speaking of queers, can Candace Trunzo get anything right?