Concerned you're not going to get your sweetheart the gift she's been craving all year? Then let the cable news networks spread the joy underneath your Christmas tree this year. As TV Week's Michele Greppi reports, the landfills of swag known as online stores are billowing over with ways to worship Anderson Cooper and get in touch with your inner Shep Smith.

The range of stuff for sale is a bit scary: a nine-piece traveling gym set ($49.99), pastel T-shirts with "Anderson Cooper 360" against a heart that's filled with a globe-like grid ($16.99), T-shirts with "actual quotes" heard on "360" ($19.99) and a USB memory pen ($64.99), to name but a few.

The Fox News Shop online reads like a J. Peterman catalog (or a "Seinfeld" Peterman takeoff). It offers a lot of standard options, including twill baseball caps-the hat for business anchor Neal Cavuto's "Your World" guarantees "The owner will two-putt every green (not really)." The black T-shirt ($17.95) for "Fox Report With Shepard Smith" is "as worn in the field by Shep" (The Insider dearly hopes they've at least been rinsed out).

Among the standouts: the "Fox and Friends" BBQ grilling mitt ($9.71) that "handles hot stuff with confidence" and the "No Spit Zone" onesie for toddlers ($9.95) that comes with the promise that "No-Spin-Zoner" Bill O'Reilly "won't be offended." The motifs on ties are inventive. The O'Reilly tie has a repeating design of a big fish eating a small fish "for the pure Darwinist at heart."

And if you're the clearance sale type, there's a stained silk Brit Hume tie, a Keith Olbermann 8-ball that only gives out "All signs point to you're an asshole" answers, and Anderson Cooper leather chaps complete with "The Most Trusted Name At The Cock" emblazened on the left leg.