Want to be Bob Woodward's new gopher? All it takes is "five to eight years experience in journalism, books, or in-depth research and writing." That is: college grads, don't apply. The Watergate maestro is looking for a new lacky, and his current one is beginning the candidate hunt. But just so there's no confusion, the chosen one can look forward to two years of flipping through a Rolodex, marking calendars, grabbing coffee, unjamming the fax, and being owned.

You will research, report, write and edit. You will also handle administrative matters — transcribing interview tapes, helping him keep track of his calendar and requests, and running his small office" out of his Washington, DC home.

Primarily, you will work on whatever major project Bob undertakes next, be it another book, articles for The Washington Post, etc. Most of the time you will be working on several things at once, and sometimes these 'secondary assignments' can take on a life of their own. [...]

First, think about whether you really and truly meet the description of who we are looking for. If you haven’t worked in journalism before or haven’t been a writer, or if you’re really just beginning your career, this probably is not the job for you—at least not yet.

Also, if you're not comfortable with your title being "Bitch," you probably shouldn't apply. For Janice Min, either.