Meet Mara Reinstein and Joey Bartolomeo. They're the two names you're going to want to remember when you undertake a beatdown so innovative, Law & Order producers will be calling for details. These two are responsible for Brad & Jen: The Rise and Fall of Hollywood's Golden Couple, the Us Weekly mini-book written in all of five days.

New York sits 'em down for a Q&A, where, like all Q&As, nothing short of stunning is revealed.

Like, how did they manage to squeeze out 40,000 words when "all I knew was that an Us Weekly cover story is, like, 1,300 words, so I knew it would be a lot," says Reinstein. Genius, folks, pure genius. So they got really creative and produced fact-filled chapters on Mr. and Mrs. Pitt including, among other items, "the month of December."

But Wenner Media wisdom doesn't - couldn't - end there. Since this Valentine's Day we're recycling revealing secrets left and your other left, we shuffle onward, to a classified technique only those in celebrity journalism are privvy to: "Hit the return key more often." Such an action, we're told, increases spacing to give the illusion of more content. (And prior to this, we insist, such text manipulation artistry was outside our capacity.)