Slow afternoon? How about this cheerful little pick-me-up? According to federal health officials, over 1 million cases of chlamydia were reported in the United States last year, an alarming figure which is enough to net the dubious distinction of being "the most [cases] ever reported for a sexually transmitted disease."

Even better? Gonorrhea and syphilis are also on the rise! So if you've been particularly itchy, irritable, or prone to crazy mood swings as of late, relax! You're not PMSing! You're just suffering from the latter stages of no antibiotic resistant syph-induced dementia.