The Huffington Post's Silly Celebrity Bloggers
For a Web site that so frequently attacks the ludicrous entitlement of the very rich and famous – "Citi Jet Purchase: $50 Million, 12-Seat Plane Despite $45 Billion Bailout," reads a recent headline – the Huffington Post sure is quick to give very rich and famous people a platform for their half-baked beliefs. Tragically, HuffPo, once a fountainhead for interesting, angry liberal opinions, is fast becoming the Hollywood club of news blogs: everyone's invited, but the celebrities have the run of the place. And boy are they ruining it.
His bio: Jermaine "JD" Dupri is a short man who's done production work for everyone from Jay-Z to Mariah Carey to Janet Jackson, his wife. He's almost solely responsible for introducing the world to toy rapper Lil' Bow Wow, who now demands to be called simply Bow Wow. In the image at right, Dupri is counting a stack of $100 bills in his video for "Money Ain't a Thang," money which he then throws into the wind and lets scatter like sand.
His message: Barack Obama is great; I know this because my famous friends and I are just crazy about him.
His words: "Barack Obama's been in office less than a week and already … he's achieved something that the older generation in power hasn't been able to do since I've been alive: make the younger generation give a shit. That's big!" Enlightening! Also: "Ima keep it real with you - I never even watched an inauguration before, much less got on a plane to attend one. And it wasn't just me. TI, Wyclef Jean and Bow Wow were all excited to be there."
Our take: Thanks for keeping it real, JD. Now that we're well aware of how mobilized you and Bow Wow are, we're inspired to, uh, continue not listening to your music, which consistently espouses that which Barack Obama loathes.
His bio: A good actor who takes himself more seriously than everyone else he come across. That's sort of an actor's job, but Tim takes it overboard. He's liberal as hell and married to Susan Sarandon, another good actor who's also left as all get-out. We imagine Robbins as the type of person you like until you invite him to a dinner party and he monopolizes the conversation with talk of "the fascists in the churches."
His message: Waaah! The New York City Board of Elections made it difficult for me to vote for Barack Obama!
His words: Here, Robbins is responding to an NY Board of Elections official who sent evidence to the media proving that Robbins was at fault in an Election Day snafu that temporarily prevented him from voting. Robbins made a scene at a Manhattan polling place on November 4 after being told he wasn't registered there, only to be reminded later that he had used two different addresses to twice register to vote in New York City. Whoops: "I am particularly appreciative of your sending a copy of my voter registration card with my home address and driver's license number to all the newspapers and, by extension, to millions across the internet. What celebrity dilettante wouldn't want his private information made public? … I was thinking of returning that favor by publishing your home address in this letter but then I thought that maybe one of the thousands of New Yorkers that were taken off the voter rolls in the last two months might not understand what a patriotic upstanding man you are and might show up at your doorstep with the misguided assumption that you are a petty vindictive corrupt scumbag."
Our take: Ha ha ha! Can you believe the balls on this guy? Who in their right mind takes to publicly calling someone a scumbag for simply responding to their initial criticism? Also, how precious the way Timmy seems to believe New York's Electoral College votes hinged on him getting the opportunity to pick Obama.
His bio: This man created and starred in Mad About You, a middling sitcom we've never had the inclination to watch. He often takes to HuffPo to bravely proclaim his hate for George W. Bush.
His message: McCain bad. Obama good. Everything's gonna be alright.
His words: "Obama asks us to be deep. And courageous. McCain prays that we're simple. And cowardly. Now everyone is calling for Obama to 'get angry.' 'Get out there and frown this way, curl your lip that way, and clench your fist like so.' And, I don't know….. That'd be cool. Sure. But I don't think the fix can come just from him. There's only so much the guy can do. It's going to have to be us. I don't know what exactly we need to do, but I know we'll do it."
Our take: Leave it up to a sitcom writer to display a striking ability to vacillate quickly between speaking in absolutes and ethereal "we'll do it" talk. One wonders if plot holes in Mad About You were fixed in a similar deus ex machina fashion.
His bio: Once a rapper who went by the moniker "Mighty Casey," Gane-McCalla is now a writer who finds it important to include this fact in his professional bio: "He is half white South African and half black Jamaican…" Uh, thanks?
His message: Rush Limbaugh and Bill O'Reilly are idiot bigots.
His words: "Bill O'Reilly and Dennis Miller also bashed Jay Z and Young Jeezy for 'My President is Black'. This is funny because just a few days earlier Bill O'Reilly was defending the Rush Limbaugh for his Barack the Magic Negro Parody. Miller and O'Reilly criticized the song as being vulgar. While Young Jeezy and Jay Z might have some profanities, it was far more benign than O'Reilly's off camera outbursts or his graphic sexual harassment of co-workers."
Our take: While we can't disagree with much of what Gane-McCalla has to say – Rush Limbaugh and Bill O'Reilly are idiot bigots – it's a little hard to take discussions about racism seriously from a guy of color whose most famous song is a celebration of humping white women. Sample lyric: "You and me baby can start making up for slavery."
His bio: Pete Wentz is famous for playing in a band for teenagers and marrying one of the two Simpson sisters. He's also the subject of Jossip's most popular (NSFW) post ever, in which he's seen masturbating.
His message: Uh, we think his point is that President Obama has challenges ahead, but we're not sure.
His words: "There's a fine line between Hollywood and Washington, DC. My parents met campaigning for Joe Biden and I met my wife at 'Top of the Pops,' so I know that line all too well." We don't think that's what "fine line between" means, but, y'know, FALL OUT BOY! Later in the essay, there's this: "The elation is high, but so are the expectations. … There is a recession, there is war, there is a mounting unemployment rate. … Now everyone expects results."
Our take: Exactly one month before Wentz penned this glittering essay for HuffPo, the publication ran in its Entertainment section a story about how the musician had said in a radio interview that wife Ashlee's breast milk tastes "soury" and "weird." We hope the humor of the juxtaposition wasn't lost on everyone over there.