We knew we should've taken mother's advice to stop trusting Page Six, but we just couldn't do it. We'd tried and failed to give up Tasti D-Lite for even a week, so we knew our affection for Richard Johnson & Co. wasn't disappearing anytime soon.

And then we read this.

When you start believing Simon Rex actually knows who L. Ron Hubbard is, or even the definition of "immaculate conception," please let us know.