A long time ago, nearly everyone who wrote for The New Yorker did so under a pseudonym. Some were clever (Dorothy Parker's "Constant Reader") some not so clever (Maeve Brennan's "Long-Winded Lady") and some just bizarre (E.B. White's "E. Bagworm Wren") but all were infinitely more imaginative than a simple, run-of-the-mill byline.

And, after an enlightening look back in this week's edition of "Ask The Librarians," we here at Jossip hereby move that The New Yorker bring its pen-names back.

To this end, we've taken the liberty of coming up with a few suggestions, respectfully submitted based on the writers/contributors in the current issue.

• Ivory Canines (Zadie Smith)
• Steve "He Broke Our Camera" Martin (Steve Martin)
• The Old Adam Ross (EIC David Remnick)
• Eustace Tilley (Every New Yorker reader)

And last, but not least:
• Jossip Editors (Never Going To Happen)

Got any New Yorker pseudonyms of your own? If so, send us your entries and we'll publish the best, brightest and/or most insane.