Ever wanted to be a celebrity assistant? It seems kind of fun and glamorous from afar! But after you get past all the enticing perks (overnight flights to places you've never heard of and won't have time to explore!) and amazing freebies (designer clothes—for your celebrity, not you!) it turns out the job actually kind of sucks.

You see, as a celebrity assistant, you'll have to cater to a pampered, co-dependent overly demanding famous person, who's both horribly insecure—needing constant reassurance—and pathetically deluded about their own self-importance. Plus, you get paid crap, typically don't get health benefits, and you get absolutely zero credit, unless, of course, something goes horribly wrong!

Which is why we enjoyed this little item in today's Rush & Molloy column:

Whoever made Britney Spears' reservation at Tao Las Vegas Saturday night made sure to tell management to "not serve her any alcohol and to not put drink menus on the table," a restaurant insider says. The blond-wigged pop princess was "very pleasant to staff" and dined on dumplings and sushi - and drank only Diet Pepsi and iced tea.

Yep, being an assistant isn't all it's cracked up to be. Especially when you selflessly try to curb your celebrity boss' well-documented drinking habit only to have it come out instead that your faithful employer's merely hanging on by a thread, and apparently rendered incapable of resisting the oft-underestimated lure of an "Over 21 Drinks Menu."

Oh, and in other crappy news? You're fired.