Now that it's the season for everyone to pretend to believe in their respective god again, hows about we look to the Bible and the Divine Comedy for answers about what to do with 2008's most despicable charlatans?

Click through to see what retributions await our Winter Wonder Frauds in the afterlife.

Rod Blagojevich

Sins: In recorded conversations released by the FBI, Blago is heard bragging about his Senate appointment power and saying outright that he wants to profit financially from his obligations ("I want to make money"). He's also quoted as saying, "Fuck him," in response to a recommendation he appoint whoever Barack Obama wanted to fill his seat. So there we have both greed and pride. If we consider as wrath Blagojevich's attempt to get journalists opposed to him fired, then this guy's guilty three times over. Also, he takes the Lord's name in vain a shitload.

Punishment: Unless he repents, eternal damnation. Also, according to Dante, Blago the blasphemer is destined to walk in fiery sands. FOREVER! And with no flip flops.

Bernie Madoff

Sins: SO GREEDY, this one! And to sustain his greed, he stole from and betrayed a great many people and organizations who trusted him, including charity groups. Rightly, Madoff's children turned him in. Unfortunately, this means they favored man's law over God's law (honor thy father and mother), so they're screwed, too.

Punishment: Eternal damnation. Once there, Bernie will be gnashed in the jaws of a three-headed demon who tears apart other betrayers, including Judas and Brutus. Also, he'll be forced to have his hands tied behind his back with snakes, who will occasionally bite him and turn him into ash. For stabbing their kin in the back, Madoff's children shall be frozen in ice, with only their heads free of the chilly tomb.

Marc Dreier

Sins: There's a pattern here: greed! And theft. And because Dreier screwed his employees so bad that they've lost their health insurance, thus putting them in physical danger, we'll add violence to the bastard's charges.

Punishment: Again, eternal damnation, hands bound with snakes, etc. But, for the violence, Dreier will be boiled in a river of scalding blood. If he tries to escape, he'll be stabbed by centaurs' spears.

Anthony Pellicano

Sins: Like most of the people on this list, Pellicano broke pretty much every rule in The Book. However, one area into which Pellicano indirectly ventured that the other's didn't was lust. For Chris Rock, Pellicano had once made it his job to track and ruin the reputation of a young woman who had been sleeping with the married comedian. In a taped phone conversation, Pellicano said he wanted to "blacken this girl up, totally. I want to make her out to be a lying, scumbag, manipulative cocksucker… Stupid bitch." Classy fella.

Punishment: Duh: eternal damnation. For the lust part, he'll have to spend forever in dark, wet, whirling storms. Relatively, it's a slap on the wrist.

Sarah Palin

Sins: Sarah Palin's $150,000 shopping spree makes her what Dante called a hoarder/waster; her race-baiting rhetoric makes her a sower of discord; the laughable way she destroyed the McCain campaign from the inside makes her treacherous to her host; and her sanctimoniousness makes her a hypocrite. A smörgåsbord of pain awaits this Alaskan beauty queen in the great beyond.

Punishment: Lots of fun stuff: she'll be frozen in ice, forced to slam great weights into other wasters and forced to walk in a circle while being sliced limb from limb by demons. For her hypocrisy, Sarah will be forced to wear a robe that looks golden but is actually lead. That will not come from Saks.