You know what we love about Advertising Age's Nat Ives? He loves the nuances of the magazine industry as much as we do. More, even. We're seeing his byline several times a week attached to a story about how Jann Wenner's a douche or Martha Stewart is playing media maven again. But his interest in celebrity weeklies? Yeah, it's long ago surpassed frightening.

And we love him for it. We also love today's multi-title look at how Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson's breakup was treated. We're going to spit it back at you in our stylish meta-meta fashion.

This week the pack all agreed on one thing: Mr. Lachey was not in the driver’s seat. Bauer Publishing’s Life & Style Weekly, for example, promises to explain “Why Jess said ENOUGH!” American Media’s Star spills “exclusive news” on “WHY JESSICA DUMPED NICK!”

But really, what’s yesterday’s news worth in this business? The magazines are ready to move the story forward.

Wenner Media’s Us Weekly, which won the contest to report their breakup when it was in fact approaching reality, now wants to know “WHO WAS CHEATING?” Star promises more: “HER OTHER MAN! HIS OTHER WOMEN!”

“PLUS,” wonders the cover of Bauer’s In Touch Weekly, “Is Nick Seeing Jessica Biel?” (Shockingly, the articles inside don’t deliver an answer.) “PLUS,” adds Life & Style, “how they’ll split the money.”

It's almost worth telling our interns they no longer have to read this trash. Just check out Nat Ives' latest slug.

What Everyone Is Talking About Today [AdAge]