Poor Suri Cruise, she is going to grow up into a demasculinized household, where mommy and daddy have the same haircut, and daddy is always throwing hissy fits about how hard it is for a man to have a career nowadays. Ugh. Why are people always treating him like a piece of meat?! And now his partner at United Artists, Paula Wagner, is bailing on him?! It's not fair, Katie!!
Wagner's departure is only one of several blows Cruise's star has dealt him recently; Valkyrie's release date was changed again, proving that his own studio — which he runs — has no idea how to market him, now that his celebrity weirdness has totally overshadowed any sort of acting skillz he may once have had. The Nazi flick, originally slotted for 2008, was pushed forward to Feb. 2009, and now is back to being slated for December of this year. Blah, no amount of preview hype is going to convince anyone to see the movie, which will inevitably involve Cruise hamming it up at his most hammiest. And wearing an eyepatch. And let's not forget the scandal that blew up when the Germans got furious about a Scientologist playing Claus von Stauffenberg, failed Hitler assassin and national hero.
And now Cruise is left to head United Artists all by himself (well technically, he's co-pwn1ng things with MGM), despite having a track record that includes the phrase "made a presentation to the investment bankers," and not much else. Cruise and MGM are sort of stuck with each other over the whole UA thing, because of a Merrill Lynch investment of $500 million that has barely been tapped. (Something about Wagner not greenlighting stuff?)
Now, that money is for UA alone, and can't be absorbed into MGM costs. So Cruise is sort of cruise-ing (ha!) along without a seatbelt, and from his cameo in Tropic Thunder, the idea of him turning into one of those blowhard producers that he had to deal with as a star is not sitting well with him.
What would Xenu do?
Editorial Director
From a professional public relations standpoint, here's what Cruise needs to do:
1. Quit and denounce, publicly, the psycho cult Scientology, immediately.
2. Apologize, publicly, for any past ridiculous statements about psyhcology, clinical depression, mental health ailments that have been documented by the medical community, prescription medication, medication in general, and people who he criticized in these areas. Apologice sincerely.
3. Take a very basic, down-home, non-heroic role in a small-budget independent in which he plays a likeable, down-to-earth person who is not blown up out of proportion.
4. Stop taking and worrying about "Mission: Impossible" and "Edwin Salt" and "Valkryie (whatever)" type of roles. Just stop taking them.
5. Lower your price. No one wants to pay you $20 million to be in a movie. Lower the price to a more-affordable $5 million. That's still respectable, in Hollywoodese, but not outrageous. Take even lower salaries for that independent that you should do.
6. Hire someone to take Paula Wagner's place at U.A. who is experienced in the movie production and distribution business.
7. Have U.A. make a slate of films in which none of them has a budget higher than $20 million. Re-craft the studio into more of a Miramax-Fox Searchlight-Weinstein Company type of studio. Do this immediately.
This is standard, common-sense career-recovery p.r. in Hollywood. The sooner Cruise takes these steps, the better off he'll be. It's guaranteed.
Great list, frontpage. Can we also add that he needs to restore his relationship with Nicole, stop treating her like she doesn't exist, and allow her back into her children's lives? IMO, he lost his mojo when he lost Nicole. My favorite Tom, the Tom of Rainman, Interview With the Vampire, and Far and Away is no more.
Here's what the frontpage needs to do, guaranteed: 1) Stop insulting an actor that has a tremendously successful body of work, 2) Get a real job.
…According to The Omniverse Almanac, Johnny Depp is actually one of the few very cool people inhabiting this planet, along with Steven Splielberg, Riccardo Mariti, Tom Cruise, Will Smith, Jessica Biel, Justin Timberlake, Angelina Jolie, Tim Burton, Terry Gilliam, Bill Gates, Stephen Hawkings, Laurence Dale, the Dalai Lama…
thefrontpage speaks the truth! All very common sense (not understood in Hwood). I'd hire you in a minute!
Cruise is not and never has been an actor, he's only a movie star and frankly not a terribly interesting one.
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