Here we go again! Tucker Carlson has yet another wrong opinion about something! We thought this shit was over after Jon Stewart made a fool out of him and his bow tie and got his show canceled. And if not then, then definitely after he made a fool out of himself on a dancing show and viewers canceled him. But no. Tucker somehow finagled hisself a real-live column over at The Daily Beast, and he's using it just as poorly as he's used every other opportunity in his privileged life.

In his post today, "The Pessimist's Party," Tucker makes the case that Democrats are fraidy cats who are currently spending too much time worrying about losing an election that everyone else thinks is in the bag.

Wondering if you're really a Democrat? Here's a quick way to find out: Given everything the Democratic party has going for it this year—the overwhelming financial advantage, the legions of new voters, George W. Bush—do you believe the Obama campaign could still somehow, in the final moments, find a way to blow it and lose this election?

If you answered yes, you're a Democrat.

Wow! What a neat little quiz! He's right, I am a Democrat. But why do I feel this way, wise Tucker?

Partly this is superstition, like throwing salt over your shoulder when you spill the shaker: predictions are bad luck. But it's also the voice of experience.

"We're the Cincinnati Bengals," says Jay Rouse, a longtime Democratic political consultant. "Democrats are used to losing, not winning." That's especially true at the national level, where in the past 64 years only a single Democrat has been reelected president. The last two presidential elections raised doubts about whether Democrats were capable of wining at all. "People are still traumatized by '04," says James Carville.
…
"Democrats are losers," says one former Democratic campaign operative with sadness. "Don't underestimate the capacity of Democrats to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory," Obama himself told supporters last week. "Don't underestimate our ability to screw things up."

OH! How enlightening! I get it now—Democrats are pessimists because they're used to being losers who botch everything. It's not because George W Bush's win in 2000 hinged largely on a controversial recount in a state governed by Bush's brother. It's not because, for years now, minority and poverty-stricken voters, many of them Democrats, have been lied to at polling places and their homes in an effort to keep them from enfranchising themselves. It's not because Republican talking heads do really awful, divisive things like turn their backs on Colin Powell, calling him a race-voting pushover, when he endorses a candidate in whom he has faith. It's not because poor voters in the South and Midwest have been systematically taught to believe that Barack Obama is at least one of the following: Muslim, foreign, a terrorist, Satan. It's none of that. It's because Democrats are fuck-ups who don't trust each other. Thanks, Tucker!