In an unexpected move of crazy, the Vatican has just issued the "Ten Commandments For Drivers" in the hopes of inspiring drivers everywhere to be more "charitable," and guilting observant Catholics into suppressing their road rage along with those wrongful feelings of pre-marital lust.

While some of the commandments are predictable and self-evident (e.g. "You not kill" and "Support the families of accident victims") others require a modicum of interpretation.

For instance, Commandments No. 5 and 6:

5. Cars shall not be for you an expression of power and domination, and an occasion of sin.

6. Charitably convince the young and not so young not to drive when they are not in a fitting condition to do so.

Translation: Don't drive under the influence, don't drive angry, and don't drive down to the bus depot to pick up that prostitute who gave you chlamydia. Twice.

Missing from the papal document but nevertheless implicit are rules prohibiting "dutch-ovens," Chinese fire-drills and road head. Meanwhile, Catholic children are strictly forbidden from whining "are we there yet?" fighting in the backseat and singing any variation of "I Am Henry VIII."