Last’s week Internet celebrity and next season’s TV star was on Maury Pavoch yesterday.

Since the sound of Chris Crocker’s voice makes your ears bleed, we did some public service work, and broke down what happened sans audio after the jump.

Here’s Maury playing the original YouTube clip. This image is why we’re never having kids.

You, know just one leopard print garment would not have been enough. And with the black Converses, that outfit is pure gold, Chris, pure gold.

Here’s Murray Pavoch’s, this isn’t me, this guy’s kind of crazy face

After claiming he and Britney “are both beautiful women who everyone wants to be,” the Crock goes on to say, “Before I’m an American, I’m a Britney fan.” Spearsbekistan has never been prouder.

If you ever play poker with Maury Pavoch, this is his bluffing face. He just told Chris, “America will never, ever forget you.”