Every wish you could you watch Jessica Simpson give head? Yeah, us neither. However, we do find this version of her slobbering all over an ice cream cone in the fashion of fellatio a bit telling. Too bad Star never clued us in on this troubled aspect of her and Nick Lachey's marriage.

And while our heart goes out to Nick for seemingly having to endure this himself for a few years, we would also like to take this opportunity to disprove Christopher Hitchens' theories about all-American gals and blow jobs.