After keeping his multitude of mistresses and unclaimed children under wraps for over thirty years, a certain newsman "and TV legend" may yet have his philanderous world come crashing down.

'Why?' you ask. Because Page Six just outed his ass—anonymously, of course—leaving us to speculate wildly about the off-air activities of a broadcasting mainstay.

WHICH newsman and TV legend has been able to keep his skeletons in the closet for decades? He has two children out of wedlock who are now adults living in New Jersey.

Now, before we start entertaining guesses as to the identity of this procreating pundit, we've got to congratulate him on having the common sense to ditch his bastard family (Kids, who needs them?) and stick them in the only place no one would ever look: New Jersey.

And with that said, let the unsubstantiated gossip-mongering begin! In fact, we'll even start you off with a list of possible suspects.

Larry King: The obvious choice, perhaps. But isn't he too obvious? True, King's revolving door marriages are no secret, so it's not particularly hard to imagine that he may have had a few extramarital dalliances over the years. On the other hand, it's not as though the man is exactly afraid of the word "divorce." So, if he is the newsman with the Embarrassing Secret Family Living In New Jersey, wouldn't he have just fessed up to his then-wife (number three? number four?) and cut his losses?

Dan Rather: There's no particular evidence pointing to Rather here, except that he's a legendary television newsman, he's been on this Earth long enough to have a couple twenty-somethings running around in Hoboken, and his name's been all over the papers recently. Perhaps the Sixers saw an opportunity to capitalize on his resurgence of fame,and they took it?

Charlie Gibson: Gibson's on top of the world right now, which means—if life truly does imitate the art of antiquated Greek tragedies—his inevitable "reversal of fortune" is just around the corner. Naturally, something about Gibson's "Mr. Rogers" type persona makes us doubtful that he's capable of hopping aboard the PATH train (let alone having a two-night stand with a waitress at the Newark "Houlihan's") but something tells us not write him off just yet. After all, isn't it always the person you least suspect? [Spoiler: No].

Lou Dobbs: He's old, he's kinda creepy, and he's great at pissing people off. And you know what's a surefire way to piss off a lot of people? Having kids twenty odd years ago and then not telling anyone about it, ever, out of fear it will tarnish your "good" name or undermine your "credibility." Plus, he's always in the middle of some controversy or another. In fact, unauthorized photos of his bastard kids sunning themselves on the Jersey Shore is kind of just the logical next step!

Bill O'Reilly: And then, of course, there's Bill O'Reilly. Now first of all, we'd like to say for the record that not all of us agreed with O'Reilly being on this list. In fact, the decision was hotly contested, and required a fair amount of cajoling, pleading and, ultimately, hair-pulling in order to get passed. And it's not because we don't think he's the type of guy who goes around impregnating unsuspecting Jersey chick in his spare time, but because, well, neither the word "newsman" nor the phrase "tv legend" really applies. Plus we hear he's actually more of a "loofah' kinda guy.

[Ed: For what it's worth, we also threw around the names Ted Koppel, Tom Brokaw and Hugh Downs, but ultimately decided that picturing any of them in the act of coitus was just "too creepy for words."]

So that's it from our end. If you think there's anyone we forgot (or you're just really, really positive that one of our suspects is the culprit) then stick it to us in the comments section.