It's OK to Miss the Inauguration
Do you live in the Northeast Corridor and suffer from doubt about whether you should make last-minute travel plans to Washington, D.C., next week? Are all your friends planning on going, causing you to feel left out? Relax, pal. You shouldn't go anywhere next week, and here's why.
1. It's going to be packed - There's going to be millions and millions of people down there, each with the very same plans as you. That makes for a lot of moving at a snail's pace, especially since the DC Metro is only fit to handle 100,000 passengers per hour. And once the major events are over, good luck trying to get a seat at a restaurant or belly up to a bar without at least an hour's wait.
2. It's going to be freezing - On Inauguration Day, the high in Washington is estimated to be 34 degrees, not including the wind chill factor. We know it's being billed as an historic event, but by now you should be getting over the fact that a black guy's our president. Once you do that, you might think twice about subjecting your face to whipping gales in order to watch a dude put his hand on a book and promise to be good.
3. It's DC - Everyone talking about how great it is that DC bars are staying open until 5AM for Inauguration have clearly never been to DC bars. Otherwise, they'd know that what they're getting excited about is the opportunity to be packed like potting soil into sports bars with frat rejects and insecure women in pearls. Hearing some drunk Capitol Hill jackass screaming "Don't Stop Believing" at the top of his lungs at 4:30 in the morning isn't a good time, it's the third circle of Hell.
4. You can't go anyway - Even if you definitely want to go down for the festivities, if you haven't yet made plans, you're pretty much screwed. Every train and bus is booked, and, last we looked, flights down from New York are holding at around $500. Considering that, even if you did make it down, you'd have to also pay through the nose for any lodging that's still available, the whole thing's not very economical.
5. Do it for your country - And speaking of the economy, who can afford the time off from work anymore? Not only that, how are we expected to get out of this financial mess when millions of people with jobs are playing hooky all willy-nilly to go to parties? Are we in decadent Rome right now? Tell your friends: Skipping the Inauguration is patriotic. Then get to work.